Advice about staying in contact

[Jaronov]

Hello it's almost 2 weeks since she broke up with me with reasons I didnt understand since there were solutions for it and I could've helped with some of them.

I really wanna stay in contact with her since I miss her since she was my best friend too and not only my girlfriend. Everyone who I talked with (friends, family) are telling me to completely delete her out of my life and unfollow on everything. And I mean I completely understand why I should do it since it's hurting me since she really broke up bad with me and didn't care at all about me because she made the biggest ego decision by breaking up with me, not telling about her feelings in the first place and even asking advice at my friends behind my back. 

It took me some days to finally talk normally after her break up since I was devastated and I seriously couldn't believe her and her reasons. 

I loved having contact with her but I needed to get used to it since we called each other by our names, she didn't want to call yet and play games/watch stuff because shes in a mental detox. I couldn't handle that so I was actually breaking more because of it and then I thought it was actually smart to listen to everyone and just broke my contact with her, only then 3 hours later on the same day I searched contact again because I couldn't handle it, I needed my friend in my life. (ps she was completely fine with being friends after our breakup since she purposed that and for me I just hope she one day would come back after getting her problems fixed and she was fine too and understanded it that i should focus on my self by breaking our contact)

Only since then it still hurted me sometimes with texting her since it wasn't normal and she didn't want to hear me yet so I started talking with my sister about it and broke my contact again with her being by my side on 22 september. Ever since then it still hurts me that I dont have her but I feel that it's kinda working, I only deleted her on more platforms like spotify and steam since I was still checking on there. Now even when I feel appreciated and a bit happy in my life I just instantly think about her again even when i'm distracted by happy thoughts with friends and family. So i've been thinking all this time to just search contact with her again and be friends with her and I dont want contact because of my feelings I still have for her (that are actually less atm then the time she brokeup) I just miss a friend.

So my advice im actually searching for: Is it smart to search contact with her and stay friends or should I keep on going by not contacting her anymore for months until i feel like im completly healed 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Jaronov said:

Hello it's almost 2 weeks since she broke up with me .she didn't want to call yet and play games/watch stuff because shes in a mental detox. Is it smart to search contact with her and stay friends or should I keep on going by not contacting her anymore for months until i feel like im completly healed 

Sorry this happened. It's still quite fresh. Breakups hurt, what was the breakup about? How long were you dating? How old is she? Why was she in detox? It may be best to remain no contact. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Jaronov said:

Is it smart to search contact with her and stay friends

It is only ever a good idea to stay friends with an ex if you could handle hearing about her new boyfriend, when she gets one. 

If the idea of that hurts, you're not ready to be friends. 

[glows]

5 hours ago, Jaronov said:

Hello it's almost 2 weeks since she broke up with me with reasons I didnt understand since there were solutions for it and I could've helped with some of them.

I really wanna stay in contact with her since I miss her since she was my best friend too and not only my girlfriend. Everyone who I talked with (friends, family) are telling me to completely delete her out of my life and unfollow on everything. And I mean I completely understand why I should do it since it's hurting me since she really broke up bad with me and didn't care at all about me because she made the biggest ego decision by breaking up with me, not telling about her feelings in the first place and even asking advice at my friends behind my back. 

It took me some days to finally talk normally after her break up since I was devastated and I seriously couldn't believe her and her reasons. 

I loved having contact with her but I needed to get used to it since we called each other by our names, she didn't want to call yet and play games/watch stuff because shes in a mental detox. I couldn't handle that so I was actually breaking more because of it and then I thought it was actually smart to listen to everyone and just broke my contact with her, only then 3 hours later on the same day I searched contact again because I couldn't handle it, I needed my friend in my life. (ps she was completely fine with being friends after our breakup since she purposed that and for me I just hope she one day would come back after getting her problems fixed and she was fine too and understanded it that i should focus on my self by breaking our contact)

Only since then it still hurted me sometimes with texting her since it wasn't normal and she didn't want to hear me yet so I started talking with my sister about it and broke my contact again with her being by my side on 22 september. Ever since then it still hurts me that I dont have her but I feel that it's kinda working, I only deleted her on more platforms like spotify and steam since I was still checking on there. Now even when I feel appreciated and a bit happy in my life I just instantly think about her again even when i'm distracted by happy thoughts with friends and family. So i've been thinking all this time to just search contact with her again and be friends with her and I dont want contact because of my feelings I still have for her (that are actually less atm then the time she brokeup) I just miss a friend.

So my advice im actually searching for: Is it smart to search contact with her and stay friends or should I keep on going by not contacting her anymore for months until i feel like im completly healed 

No, it’s not smart to search her contact and stay friends. At this point she ended it which means she likely doesn’t feel the same way. You’re living in denial and sabotaging yourself, making it harder to move on. 

This is your cue to fall on your support system such as friends and family. If you don’t have a strong support network, search for one. Join your community, stay busy, volunteer, make new friends or at least be engaged and productive with your life or your day to day routine. Whatever you do not accepting it’s over is only going to bite you in the butt. It’s over and time to accept that.

[ShyViolet]

This is exactly why you can't stay friends with her and you need to maintain no-contact.  You are clearly not over this breakup and you are wallowing in your hurt feelings about it.  Keeping in contact with her just prolongs that and prevents you from getting over it.  It's not healthy for you.  You need to leave her alone and move on.

[Alpacalia]

Agree with ShyViolet.

Maybe you can work out a friendly relationship with your ex after a certain point. The two exes I had when I was younger and I check in every few years to see how things are going, but sufficient time has passed, and none of us still have romantic feelings, so it's all good.

As new as your breakup is, it doesn't sound as though you're in a place where you can just be friends.

Take some time and space to deal with the break up and grieve its loss so that you can start feeling better.

Edited September 26, 2022 by Alpacalia