Got in touch with someone I dated, taking ages to reply, don't know what to do

[muramasa]

(We're both women, I'm 25 she's 22)

Last year, I was dating/talking to a girl I met on Insta. She was the initiator and was the person who started the whole thing. We dated/talked for around three months, and there were no issues as far as I was aware. Probably the opposite, and I thought things were going well. At one point she ended it, saying that she was experiencing some difficulties with her mental health and needed to focus on that. At the time I didn't really believe that, as I know people come up with all sorts of excuses to end things. 

I unfollowed her and she me, and I just tried to move on, really. It had gotten to the point that, despite her saying she wanted to stay in touch, she'd stopped replying to me. 

Over the last year from time to time I did think about her - I liked her and I suppose just missed talking to and hanging out with her. I often debated messaging her but didn't. Until a week or so ago, when I decided to. I messaged her telling her I'd heard a song that she liked and it reminded me of her. 

She responded very warmly, telling me she is "reminded of" me often, and that she liked hanging out with me and had intended to stay in touch but her mental health became so bad that she ended up isolating herself from everyone. She repeatedly apologised for disappearing and said she knows I didn't deserve that, etc. We talked a little more about how things are with us now, and whatever. She often takes a while to respond in between messages - but I think this her MO in general, she's always been a bit like this. The conversation was warmer and full of more emotion than I expected it to be. 

We were mid-conversation when she stopped replying to/opening my messages, and this was like five days ago, now. The last things I said were just following on from the stuff she said and carrying on the conversation, but she hasn't as of yet 'seen' or read the messages. I can't lie, this is causing a bit of a mood-drop for me - she's been very active on social media but still hasn't responded to me. I truly understand that she is probably just doing her thing and it's nothing personal, but it is making me feel a bit low. The initial messages from her were quite warm so I guess I'd hoped we would begin talking again, maybe. I feel stupid for thinking that, now. 

I just don't really know what to think or do. I guess I do still like her, but it seems she is indifferent to talking to me. I was going to tell her that I liked talking/hanging out and ask if she was open to doing that again, but the time she's taking to reply is putting me off doing that, now. I feel like I'd probably just be rejected. I don't really know what to do. 

This seems like just the latest in rejections/situations not really working out, and I'm just fed up of it. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, muramasa said:

At one point she ended it, saying that she was experiencing some difficulties with her mental health and needed to focus on that. that she liked hanging out with me and had intended to stay in touch but her mental health became so bad that she ended up isolating herself from everyone.

This seems like just the latest in rejections/situations not really working out, and I'm just fed up of it. 

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately she does keep citing her mental health, whether that's accurate or not.  She doesn't seem to want to reconcile or take things up again and seems to be using the "slow-fade" approach. Let go and move forward to someone who wants what you want.

[stillafool]

Initially she was pleased to hear from you again but she's not interested in getting involved with you and that's why she hasn't opened or replied back to your messages.  She's 22 and I wonder if the "mental health" is just an excuse not to get involved.  I'm sorry you're hurt but you should move on because she has.

[glows]

1 hour ago, muramasa said:

(We're both women, I'm 25 she's 22)

Last year, I was dating/talking to a girl I met on Insta. She was the initiator and was the person who started the whole thing. We dated/talked for around three months, and there were no issues as far as I was aware. Probably the opposite, and I thought things were going well. At one point she ended it, saying that she was experiencing some difficulties with her mental health and needed to focus on that. At the time I didn't really believe that, as I know people come up with all sorts of excuses to end things. 

I unfollowed her and she me, and I just tried to move on, really. It had gotten to the point that, despite her saying she wanted to stay in touch, she'd stopped replying to me. 

Over the last year from time to time I did think about her - I liked her and I suppose just missed talking to and hanging out with her. I often debated messaging her but didn't. Until a week or so ago, when I decided to. I messaged her telling her I'd heard a song that she liked and it reminded me of her. 

She responded very warmly, telling me she is "reminded of" me often, and that she liked hanging out with me and had intended to stay in touch but her mental health became so bad that she ended up isolating herself from everyone. She repeatedly apologised for disappearing and said she knows I didn't deserve that, etc. We talked a little more about how things are with us now, and whatever. She often takes a while to respond in between messages - but I think this her MO in general, she's always been a bit like this. The conversation was warmer and full of more emotion than I expected it to be. 

We were mid-conversation when she stopped replying to/opening my messages, and this was like five days ago, now. The last things I said were just following on from the stuff she said and carrying on the conversation, but she hasn't as of yet 'seen' or read the messages. I can't lie, this is causing a bit of a mood-drop for me - she's been very active on social media but still hasn't responded to me. I truly understand that she is probably just doing her thing and it's nothing personal, but it is making me feel a bit low. The initial messages from her were quite warm so I guess I'd hoped we would begin talking again, maybe. I feel stupid for thinking that, now. 

I just don't really know what to think or do. I guess I do still like her, but it seems she is indifferent to talking to me. I was going to tell her that I liked talking/hanging out and ask if she was open to doing that again, but the time she's taking to reply is putting me off doing that, now. I feel like I'd probably just be rejected. I don't really know what to do. 

This seems like just the latest in rejections/situations not really working out, and I'm just fed up of it. 

But this isn’t really about her. It’s about you being rejected in a latest of rejections/situations and you’re feeling frustrated. She has shown you before she’s unreliable and not as communicative. Or not quick enough for you and you weren’t compatible. To top it off, she ended things and dumped you. Her behaviour now is exactly what she’s always been. You’re hurt more because you expected things to be different and they are no different at all. 

Leave this alone and try not to contact old exes. There’s a reason it didn’t work. You tried a second time and it didn’t work either. When you feel better date others.

[ShyViolet]

This girl is not interested in maintaining a relationship or friendship with you.  She has made that clear twice now, by breaking up with you and stopping replying to your messages.  How many times are you going to keep running back to her for more rejection?  Accept that she's not interested, and move on.  You are exhibiting some co-dependent behavior, letting your happiness and mood hinge way too much on HER actions and her involvement in your life, or lack thereof.  This is not healthy behavior.  Detach from this and leave her alone, and find your own well-being and happiness elsewhere.

Edited September 25, 2022 by ShyViolet

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like she remembers you fondly and wishes you well, but is not otherwise interested. As such, it is not a good idea to message her again and ask to hang out. You won't get the sort of response you're hoping for. 

On 9/25/2022 at 3:19 PM, muramasa said:

This seems like just the latest in rejections/situations not really working out, and I'm just fed up of it.

Let this be a lesson not to reach back into your past, especially when the other person called it off and has not been in touch. You're setting yourself up for disappointment by doing so. It stings but it's best to let this go.