Had a first date yesterday late afternoon. not sure about second date.

[Red2016]

Guy and I (we are both in our late 20s/early 30s) matched on Bumble a few weeks ago and we texted sparingly and finally met yesterday (Saturday) for a first date. We had a coffee and then walked around as the weather was nice- had a good time and he seems like a genuine person. 

Toward the end of the date, while we were talking about fav foods etc, he said he wants to get dinner with me next time and try X food etc. We hugged and parts ways after a couple of hours. 

Like 10 mins after we parted ways, he texted to say he had a great time meeting me in person and wants to get dinner, I said likewise etc, and he said to let him know of my availability.

So I replied in yesterday evening to say, I'm free on Tuesday/Wednesday  It is now the following morning (Sunday), and he hasnt replied anything to it yet!

He isnt much of a texter (which is what he also told me yesterday when I asked him about his texting habits) - but still, I just find it strange that he hasn't directly confirmed anything yet. 

Does this come off as strange? Should I be concerned here? Thank you!

[stillafool]

Not to me because it's only Sunday morning so it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. He probably went out last night and will get back to you later today or tomorrow.

[glows]

I’d give it the rest of today Sunday for him to respond. It’s too early to be worried. You both took a long time to meet for the first time. Was there a reason for this? 

Some people respond only when they have confirmation a date and time works for them. Others provide running updates and let you know they’ll get back to you. It depends on his communication style.

[Red2016]

Just now, stillafool said:

Not to me because it's only Sunday morning so it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. He probably went out last night and will get back to you later today or tomorrow.

ok. if he wasn't genuinely interested he wouldnt have texted me first right away for a second date right? or maybe he isnt sure? 

Im just a very communicative person and he isnt like that, clearly. 

[Red2016]

Just now, glows said:

I’d give it the rest of today Sunday for him to respond. It’s too early to be worried. You both took a long time to meet for the first time. Was there a reason for this? 

Some people respond only when they have confirmation a date and time works for them. Others provide running updates and let you know they’ll get back to you. It depends on his communication style.

Well, he asked me out right away, but I wanted to chat with him on the phone first which went well. Then I had a lot of school exams and took a trip out of town etc, and so I wasnt able to meet right away. But I think he told me before we met that he was really looking forward to it fwiw. 

[stillafool]

Of course he's interested that is why he asked you out again.  You want constant texting and he obviously isn't that person but he is interested in seeing you again.

[Red2016]

Just now, stillafool said:

Of course he's interested that is why he asked you out again.  You want constant texting and he obviously isn't that person but he is interested in seeing you again.

and the delay in responding to me "Im free Tuesday and wed :)" isnt an indication that he is only mildly interested/ on the fence? 

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Red2016 said:

and the delay in responding to me "Im free Tuesday and wed :)" isnt an indication that he is only mildly interested/ on the fence? 

Not really.  Just wait until tomorrow and see if he contacts you.  Try to get out and do something on this lovely day to take your mind off him.

[glows]

5 minutes ago, Red2016 said:

Well, he asked me out right away, but I wanted to chat with him on the phone first which went well. Then I had a lot of school exams and took a trip out of town etc, and so I wasnt able to meet right away. But I think he told me before we met that he was really looking forward to it fwiw. 

Give him a chance to get back to you. It’s not going to feel very good if you’re this anxious about dating so early. I’d take him at face value and not second guess what he said. If he was looking forward to it then he’s looking forward to it. If he doesn’t get back to you or changes his mind, that’s fine too. Cross that bridge later and chat with others. 

 

[Red2016]

okay thank you ❤️ 

 

if anyone has any other thoughts or input, please contribute! thank you 

[NuevoYorko]

It hasn't even been a whole day yet?  Patience.  

Don't even worry about whether he's "on the fence."  You have just met.  If you get together this week, you will start to get to know each other and find out whether you might be compatible.  Right now all you need is enough mutual interest to see each other again.

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Red2016 said:

if anyone has any other thoughts or input, please contribute! thank you 

Try and focus on the positives - you had a great first date, he asked you out for second, he texted 10 minutes after date was over asking when you're free for dinner - this is all very POSITIVE!

Given all that, why on earth do you choose to focus on the one negative which is NOT even a negative?

It hasn't even been 24 hours yet!

OP, if you're gonna be successful at dating and eventually a relationship, please learn to chill. 

He has a life other than you.  He also may not want to appear too needy and desperate.

Relax, meet a friend, enjoy your day. 

Give him the space to think about you and miss you. You do the same.

Remember dating should be fun!  

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Red2016 said:

 maybe he isnt sure? Im just a very communicative person and he isnt like that, clearly. 

He seems quite into you. Keep in mind texting is not dating. He did tell you "he's not a texter", so that is no indication of interest. He's not looking for textbuddies, so that's a good thing.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Red2016 said:

ok. if he wasn't genuinely interested he wouldnt have texted me first right away for a second date right? or maybe he isnt sure? 

Im just a very communicative person and he isnt like that, clearly. 

Some people don’t need to lock down the details - “let’s meet again next week, okay” is good enough for now.

Give it some time and see if he plans anything for the dates that you said you were free. 

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Try and focus on the positives - you had a great first date, he asked you out for second, he texted 10 minutes after date was over asking when you're free for dinner - this is all very POSITIVE!

Given all that, why on earth do you choose to focus on the one negative which is NOT even a negative?

It hasn't even been 24 hours yet!

OP, if you're gonna be successful at dating and eventually a relationship, please learn to chill. 

He has a life other than you.  He also may not want to appear too needy and desperate.

Relax, meet a friend, enjoy your day. 

Give him the space to think about you and miss you. You do the same.

Remember dating should be fun!  

To add to this^, be careful to not allow your negativity to seep into your reactions and behavior.

When you expect the worst from people, no matter how hard you try to hide it or pretend, your negative energy will reflect in your attitude and turn people off.  Including men you date. 

When you expect the BEST in people based on your positive experiences with them, that positive energy will reflect in your attitude and draw people to you, including the men you date. 

Positive energy is infectious and very powerful. 

Negative energy destroys. 

I would highly suggest you try and change your attitude and mindset.

Again, focus on all the many positive things, and when he reaches out, be happy to hear from him and express enthusiasm.

People don't realize how powerful their own internal energy is and how it has the power to turn people on or off. 

And when someone becomes turned off, their thinking is, see I was right!  He/she was never interested in me!

Not realizing that initially they were interested, and it was your doubting and distrustful mindset and fear of getting hurt as reflected through your energy that turned them off.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. 

Just something to consider. 

Good luck and keep us posted

 

Edited September 25, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

Sometimes someone could ask you for a second date and change his mind later on. It is a part of a dating process. It happens. Talk and accept dates from other guys. If he gets back to you, great! If not then not. He might still get back to you. You can write him off completely if you don't hear anything from him for 3-5 day. But you are not at that point yet.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Red2016 said:

Toward the end of the date, while we were talking about fav foods etc, he said he wants to get dinner with me next time and try X food etc. We hugged and parts ways after a couple of hours. 

Like 10 mins after we parted ways, he texted to say he had a great time meeting me in person and wants to get dinner, I said likewise etc, and he said to let him know of my availability.

This is all positive and that is what to focus on. Sure in todays world of flakes, people are anxious about ghosting etc., but give him a chance to breathe and firm up plans. It was Yesterday. 

[Red2016]

ok he has not said anything yet still..

so i would have to think, maybe he like asked me out on a second date to be polite???, really not sure 

i am thinking he isnt interested unfortunately

[Rider on the Storm]

1 hour ago, Red2016 said:

ok he has not said anything yet still..

so i would have to think, maybe he like asked me out on a second date to be polite???, really not sure 

i am thinking he isnt interested unfortunately

I don't think a well-balanced man would ask a woman that he isn't interested in on a second date just to be polite. 

Your first date was just last night, and as others have pointed out, it's not even 24 hours later. Maybe he thinks if he responds too quickly it will look like he doesn't have a life. Maybe he doesn't know if he is free on Tues or Wed just yet and he's trying to figure out if he could make either day work. Maybe he is having 2nd thoughts. Any of these scenarios are possible. 

In any case, I'd say just relax and see how this plays out. It's obvious that you like him, and I do get that, but again, it was just one date. 

I would think that you will hear from him at some point. Don't become overzealous and message him again too quickly. It would be counterproductive to what you are hoping for.

[Red2016]

8 minutes ago, Rider on the Storm said:

I don't think a well-balanced man would ask a woman that he isn't interested in on a second date just to be polite. 

Your first date was just last night, and as others have pointed out, it's not even 24 hours later. Maybe he thinks if he responds too quickly it will look like he doesn't have a life. Maybe he doesn't know if he is free on Tues or Wed just yet and he's trying to figure out if he could make either day work. Maybe he is having 2nd thoughts. Any of these scenarios are possible. 

In any case, I'd say just relax and see how this plays out. It's obvious that you like him, and I do get that, but again, it was just one date. 

I would think that you will hear from him at some point. Don't become overzealous and message him again too quickly. It would be counterproductive to what you are hoping for.

well it's been about 24 hours since the date and the text last night. 

Since it's now Sunday and I gave my availability for Tues/Wed, I am already making my plans for the week and I cannot keep my schedule clear for the possibility that he will confirm one of these.

Maybe if he responds tomorrow, can I just tell him that I am now longer free on those days and I can meet him later in the week instead? (bc I am trying to plan other things for the week, for now) 

Would that be rude or unreasonable to tell him politely if he ever does get back to me? I just usually plan things at least 3+ days in advance.. 

Edited September 26, 2022 by Red2016

[Maldives]

10 hours ago, Red2016 said:

Guy and I (we are both in our late 20s/early 30s) matched on Bumble a few weeks ago and we texted sparingly and finally met yesterday (Saturday) for a first date. We had a coffee and then walked around as the weather was nice- had a good time and he seems like a genuine person. 

Toward the end of the date, while we were talking about fav foods etc, he said he wants to get dinner with me next time and try X food etc. We hugged and parts ways after a couple of hours. 

Like 10 mins after we parted ways, he texted to say he had a great time meeting me in person and wants to get dinner, I said likewise etc, and he said to let him know of my availability.

So I replied in yesterday evening to say, I'm free on Tuesday/Wednesday  It is now the following morning (Sunday), and he hasnt replied anything to it yet!

He isnt much of a texter (which is what he also told me yesterday when I asked him about his texting habits) - but still, I just find it strange that he hasn't directly confirmed anything yet. 

Does this come off as strange? Should I be concerned here? Thank you!

People that take their time responding show a lack of interest and investment in you. Don't try to reason that it is anything else then that.

[basil67]

Are the other options for Tues and Weds next week things which you'd be really sad if you missed out on?   Or are they events where you could say that you may have a date but can confirm in a couple of days?

Personally, I'd give the guy till the end of the weekend to respond

Edited September 26, 2022 by basil67

[Red2016]

Just now, basil67 said:

Are the other options for Tues and Weds next week things which you'd be really sad if you missed out on?   Or are they events where you could say that you may have a date but can confirm closer to the date?

Personally, I'd give the guy till the end of the weekend to respond

right so the date was Saturday late afternoon and we texted that evening where I told him Im free Tuesday/Wed.

It is Sunday evening now, approaching 9pm. Surprised that ppl would act so differently like this

Ive already made other plans as I think I might actually go visit friends out of town for a few days. 

[Rider on the Storm]

22 minutes ago, Red2016 said:

well it's been about 24 hours since the date and the text last night. 

Since it's now Sunday and I gave my availability for Tues/Wed, I am already making my plans for the week and I cannot keep my schedule clear for the possibility that he will confirm one of these.

Maybe if he responds tomorrow, can I just tell him that I am now longer free on those days and I can meet him later in the week instead? (bc I am planning other things for the week, for now) 

Would that be rude or unreasonable to tell him politely if he ever does get back to me? I just usually plan things at least 3+ days in advance.. 

Obviously, only you know how important these other plans are. Ideally, he should answer your previous text in a 24 hour period, I agree, but if he came back tomorrow and said something along the lines of,  "Hey, sorry for the delay. I am able to make Tues/Wed work" and you respond "Sorry, I made other plans. I need 3+ days advanced notice" I probably wouldn't call you again. I think it would make you appear a little pushy and demanding, especially after one date. But that's just me. 

With that said, if he doesn't respond to you by some point tomorrow, I'd say the odds are pretty high that he had a change of heart, or is talking with someone else he might feel a stronger connection with. As it stands right now, assuming he isn't involved in some type of emergency, I would say you aren't an overly high priority to him.

 

[Red2016]

1 minute ago, Rider on the Storm said:

Obviously, only you know how important these other plans are. Ideally, he should answer your previous text in a 24 hour period, I agree, but if he came back tomorrow and said something along the lines of,  "Hey, sorry for the delay. I am able to make Tues/Wed work" and you respond "Sorry, I made other plans. I need 3+ days advanced notice" I probably wouldn't call you again. I think it would make you appear a little pushy and demanding, especially after one date. But that's just me. 

With that said, if he doesn't respond to you by some point tomorrow, I'd say the odds are pretty high that he had a change of heart, or is talking with someone else he might feel a stronger connection with. As it stands right now, assuming he isn't involved in some type of emergency, I would say you aren't an overly high priority to him.

 

But usually ppl should confirm plans within 24 hours the latest. Its not like I needed all of the details of everything on the spot. But at least knowing what day/time frame is a reasonable expectation.

I think it would be reasonable to say something like, I hadnt heard from him so I assumed he was busy for those days. Is that not the case? 

because at this time, I am nearly fully believing that he is not up for those days, as he hasnt said anything. I would be a fool to assume that it is happening still.