Should I just ask out my friend and see what happens or at least talk to her and see where we stand?

[reggierags]

Sorry if it's a long post but this is starting to affect me and I'm not sure how to either move forward or forget about it

I'm a guy, she's a girl, we're both 31, we work together though she is planning on leaving and it's not a serious job for either. We've known each other for a while and have been flirting a bit here and there until the past two weeks when she literally just said she broke up with her boyfriend asked me out for a drink after work

She said it was one of the best nights ever and she was happy to finally get to know the mysterious me. She found excuses to touch my hair, beard, nose many times, bump our hips together, let me feed fries in her mouth. We ended up at her apartment though nothing happened, way too drunk. She gave me a tour, took me to her bedroom then her bed though soon she was nauseous and asked me to get her an ice pack, when I came back her shirt was almost off because she was having hot flashes I guess, and was just lying face down suffering. I left after a while

She's confided in me about her mental health, including things like her therapist being surprised she broke up with her ex. Tells me about bad sex life they had and how she's just looking for more of a connection

On many days I walk her from work to her house because she's asked if I could, that's how we became friends, but this Friday she changed it to "do you wanna walk me home?" with a big smile, hard to say no to that. She also mentioned in passing that she wanted to go somewhere with me the next day but is having money problems.

There are some bad or maybe iffy things, like calling me her friend, then again that's what we were (are?). She's had a rough week with the hangover, meds chemical imbalance, a bad fever, among other things. She's thanked me for supporting her so much this week and being a great friend, even sending me a good morning text and another one where she was grateful I'm always checking in on her. But overall she barely texts and has long radio silence periods, like since yesterday. We had plans to hang at her house, not exactly a date yeah, but she said "I woke up with a really bad fever :( ". She didn't answer to what I wrote and I'm guessing I'll just see her tomorrow at work. Her phone says last seen since she sent me that message. The plans were he idea btw, I just re-confirmed them

I really like her but like I said not being sure where we stand is starting to affect me a lot. Neither of us wants kids, we're in the same stage in our lives, we like drugs, both areligious, and I love how open she is with me and makes me open. She doesn't seem to have problems getting in my personal space such as when we're all in a group she comes right next to me even if she wasn't close. While I don't do that very much on the other hand, I try but it's hard for me. Perhaps she is looking for that though. Should I just ask her out and tell her I want to take her out on a date? Or first have a conversation with her? Perhaps hold her hand or something cause I know I haven't been very physical and I would hate it if that pulls her away :(

She recently broke up with that guy and I broke up with someone three months ago. I know I'm good, she says she's good but hers is so more recent. I'm afraid of overstepping my bounds. Anyway, thanks for listening. Any advice is deeply appreciated.

[ShyViolet]

Why would you need to know "where you stand" when you are not even dating or anything?  That's too much.

Just ask her out on a proper date.  Her reaction will tell you what you need to know.

Beware of the fact that she just got out of a relationship and is probably going to be on the rebound and not in a place to jump into another relationship right now.

[glows]

5 hours ago, reggierags said:

Sorry if it's a long post but this is starting to affect me and I'm not sure how to either move forward or forget about it

I'm a guy, she's a girl, we're both 31, we work together though she is planning on leaving and it's not a serious job for either. We've known each other for a while and have been flirting a bit here and there until the past two weeks when she literally just said she broke up with her boyfriend asked me out for a drink after work

She said it was one of the best nights ever and she was happy to finally get to know the mysterious me. She found excuses to touch my hair, beard, nose many times, bump our hips together, let me feed fries in her mouth. We ended up at her apartment though nothing happened, way too drunk. She gave me a tour, took me to her bedroom then her bed though soon she was nauseous and asked me to get her an ice pack, when I came back her shirt was almost off because she was having hot flashes I guess, and was just lying face down suffering. I left after a while

She's confided in me about her mental health, including things like her therapist being surprised she broke up with her ex. Tells me about bad sex life they had and how she's just looking for more of a connection

On many days I walk her from work to her house because she's asked if I could, that's how we became friends, but this Friday she changed it to "do you wanna walk me home?" with a big smile, hard to say no to that. She also mentioned in passing that she wanted to go somewhere with me the next day but is having money problems.

There are some bad or maybe iffy things, like calling me her friend, then again that's what we were (are?). She's had a rough week with the hangover, meds chemical imbalance, a bad fever, among other things. She's thanked me for supporting her so much this week and being a great friend, even sending me a good morning text and another one where she was grateful I'm always checking in on her. But overall she barely texts and has long radio silence periods, like since yesterday. We had plans to hang at her house, not exactly a date yeah, but she said "I woke up with a really bad fever ". She didn't answer to what I wrote and I'm guessing I'll just see her tomorrow at work. Her phone says last seen since she sent me that message. The plans were he idea btw, I just re-confirmed them

I really like her but like I said not being sure where we stand is starting to affect me a lot. Neither of us wants kids, we're in the same stage in our lives, we like drugs, both areligious, and I love how open she is with me and makes me open. She doesn't seem to have problems getting in my personal space such as when we're all in a group she comes right next to me even if she wasn't close. While I don't do that very much on the other hand, I try but it's hard for me. Perhaps she is looking for that though. Should I just ask her out and tell her I want to take her out on a date? Or first have a conversation with her? Perhaps hold her hand or something cause I know I haven't been very physical and I would hate it if that pulls her away

She recently broke up with that guy and I broke up with someone three months ago. I know I'm good, she says she's good but hers is so more recent. I'm afraid of overstepping my bounds. Anyway, thanks for listening. Any advice is deeply appreciated.

She may still be off and on or communicating with her ex as the break up is quite fresh. Remain a gentleman but not a doormat. It seems she needs a friend right now more than another guy who just wants to get with her. No, I wouldn’t ask her out. I also wouldn’t go into her apartment or see her in various modes of undress. This person seems too vulnerable and broken up to date. Use your instincts here and be polite around her. 

See how it goes in a few weeks or months. She may not actually be broken up with this guy and is just having a rough patch. It’s odd that her therapist would say she’s surprised she ended things. Doesn’t make sense why a professional would say that and if anything points to how unstable her life is now and unpredictable.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, reggierags said:

 She's had a rough week with the hangover, meds chemical imbalance, a bad fever, among other things. 

Unfortunately she seems to need a therapist, nurse, psychiatrist and some sobriety support more than a BF. She's a hot mess.

[reggierags]

8 hours ago, glows said:

. It seems she needs a friend right now more than another guy who just wants to get with her. 

Why is she acting that way towards me though? Touching and being so excited to finally meet me?

I like just waiting it out but at the same time I'm scared she will lose interest. Love getting to know someone first as a friend but that risk scares me

I'm certain they  broke up though, now why the therapist would say that and why she would tell me that, I dunno

[reggierags]

9 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Why would you need to know "where you stand" when you are not even dating or anything?  That's too much.

Just ask her out on a proper date.  Her reaction will tell you what you need to know.

Beware of the fact that she just got out of a relationship and is probably going to be on the rebound and not in a place to jump into another relationship right now.

Mostly because of that night out we had and the way our treatment to each other has changed since. Like we were work friends which was fine but now I can't say we're friends, nor together, just flirting here and there making plans together giving each other long looks but nothing really happening. Which is why I think I should properly ask her out?

[glows]

26 minutes ago, reggierags said:

Why is she acting that way towards me though? Touching and being so excited to finally meet me?

I like just waiting it out but at the same time I'm scared she will lose interest. Love getting to know someone first as a friend but that risk scares me

I'm certain they  broke up though, now why the therapist would say that and why she would tell me that, I dunno

I’m not surprised if she loses interest anyway. Not to be discouraging but she isn’t necessarily the beacon of stability or constancy here regardless of whether she holds any true interest in dating you. She’s unpredictable it seems. If her break up is final and you trust this woman’s judgment why the rush? The issue is you may not trust her at all or anything about her situation. Sorry, none of this is a good idea.

[reggierags]

8 hours ago, glows said:

I’m not surprised if she loses interest anyway. Not to be discouraging but she isn’t necessarily the beacon of stability or constancy here regardless of whether she holds any true interest in dating you. She’s unpredictable it seems. If her break up is final and you trust this woman’s judgment why the rush? The issue is you may not trust her at all or anything about her situation. Sorry, none of this is a good idea.

I guess the rush is just losing what we had, since it felt special. It wouldn't have felt special if it wasn't for what she said, an did. I do trust her though, at least I believe I do, and she's going through some issues like you said

 But you're right. Might not be the best idea, and better just wait it out and see if she does/says anything? Today for example we didn't talk at all about the weekend, just asked me if I could walk her home, which I did of course, and just talked about random things. If she is expecting more from me then I dunno, but her behavior is definitely odd

[flitzanu]

if she was comfortable enough to go out to a bar with you and get drunk, and invite you to her place when she then got sick from drinking too much and half undressed, it sounds like you may be her new "girlfriend" and not so much someone she was considering dating.