I broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago [UPDATE: She's accusing me of cheating on social media]

[Doingthebestican]

I(M) broke up with my 6 month girlfriend(F) a few days ago. My heart hurts so bad. I loved her so dearly, I just felt like our relationship was devolving into constant fighting all the time. I made mistakes throughout the relationship that I know were wrong. I will list all those mistakes below this

1. I made some mean Reddit posts early in the relationship that hurt her and made her unsure of herself. They were wrong and I shouldn’t have done that. I never meant for her to see them, I was just venting to a random crowd that I know wouldn’t judge me. I never mentioned names or anything, but it was still a bad thing to do.

2. I was looking up other girls instagrams while we were together. This made her more unsure of herself. She believed I looked up these other women because I thought they were prettier or better then she is. To tell the truth though, I have no idea why I was looking at their instagrams. I honestly couldn’t say, it definitely wasn’t because I thought they were better then this woman at all though.

the reason I broke up is because I felt like the relationship was getting hard. We would constantly fight. She would bring up the girls instagrams and how much it hurt her. I know it hurt her and I felt so bad but I got to a point where whenever she would bring it up I would be taken back and become apathetic to everything she was saying. I hated who I had become when we fought, and I hated being in a relationship that felt so hard.

Edited October 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[Doingthebestican]

I((M) just broke up with my first serious relationship girlfriend. I made mistakes during the relationship, and I’ll always own up to that. For example, the worst thing I did was I had looked up other girls on Instagram. I never messaged any of them, and tbh I think the only reason I had looked them up is I was kinda stalking my girls following and just clicking on names that seemed familiar. I never had any intention of getting with any of them, or even talking to them. Anyways she went through my phone and found that names and freaked out on me. It got to the point where she said I wasn’t even allowed to watch a sex scene during a movie because “I couldn’t be trusted.” She would constantly cry and get mad at me because I did that even though I had said sorry many times before and I was truly sorry. I just couldn’t handle it anymore though. It felt like we fought constantly because she’d always bring up old stuff and get mad at me. Eventually during one of our fights I just decided to end things. Now she claims that I was a cheater and a manipulator and that I need therapy, etc. I never wanted to hurt her, and I know what I did was wrong but it was my first real relationship, and I am just inexperienced in these things. She said she still loves me but that me breaking up with her was unforgivable. Am I the bad guy?

[Mike B.]

She lost her trust in you and seem to not help but continuing to bludgeon you over the head with it. 

 

You will learn to not stalk your girlfriends social media, iphone or emails. If  you don't find something that will directly break you up, whatever you find will cause you to bahve in a manner that will eventually break you up. So just go monitoring this stuff whenever you want to start big fights and end the relationship...

 

Well, that's the biggest lesson from all of this. I am not sure if you are the "bad guy" since you didn't describe well what she found in your phone. She "found that names." She found the names tattooed on your chest in a photo? She found their name on your incoming call list? 

 

 Also, her not allowing you to even watch sex scene gives me the impression that you two are very young. There is nothing wrong with being you but these sort of situations tend to be ones to grow on.

[Doingthebestican]

20 minutes ago, Mike B. said:

She lost her trust in you and seem to not help but continuing to bludgeon you over the head with it. 

 

You will learn to not stalk your girlfriends social media, iphone or emails. If  you don't find something that will directly break you up, whatever you find will cause you to bahve in a manner that will eventually break you up. So just go monitoring this stuff whenever you want to start big fights and end the relationship...

 

Well, that's the biggest lesson from all of this. I am not sure if you are the "bad guy" since you didn't describe well what she found in your phone. She "found that names." She found the names tattooed on your chest in a photo? She found their name on your incoming call list? 

 

 Also, her not allowing you to even watch sex scene gives me the impression that you two are very young. There is nothing wrong with being you but these sort of situations tend to be ones to grow on.

Sorry, she went through my phone and found the names from my search browser. I had visited their profiles on Instagram but that was all.

 

also i am 22 she is 21

Edited October 2, 2022 by Doingthebestican

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Doingthebestican said:

  Eventually during one of our fights I just decided to end things. 

Sorry this happened. Quite a messy nasty breakup. However breakups do tend to be fraught with hurt and anger.

No one is right or wrong here. You were both acting on emotional impulses. Basically you two were not compatible and both made mistakes.

Do not backpedal or try to reconcile or drag this out further. Make a clean break, delete and block her from everything and start fresh somewhere else. Put a passcode on all your devices and be smarter about social media nonsense.

[basil67]

You dodged a bullet.  She sounds like a drama queen to me

[glows]

11 hours ago, Doingthebestican said:

It got to the point where she said I wasn’t even allowed to watch a sex scene during a movie because “I couldn’t be trusted.” She would constantly cry and get mad at me because I did that even though I had said sorry many times before and I was truly sorry.

I don’t think you have anything to feel sorry for. She overreacted about your clicking and seems very insecure. When it gets to the point where you can no longer give one another the benefit of the doubt or are suspicious of the other person that’s when things need to stop. The sad part is she kept dating you despite being disappointed not recognizing her limitations. You kept kowtowing to an incredibly unhinged person. Let go. 

Be more confident in yourself going forward and don’t be too nosy about your partner. Trust that you’ll get to know each other in time. 

Edited October 2, 2022 by glows

[ShyViolet]

No you are not the bad guy here.  You did absolutely nothing wrong..... she flipped out simply because you had looked at some other girls' profiles on Instagram.  That is irrational and unreasonable.  She sounds completely crazy and immature, to be honest.  You did yourself a favor by breaking up with her.  This is not normal behavior in a relationship, far from it.

[Doingthebestican]

I(M22) broke up with my girlfriend less then a week ago. I loved her, I really did. The relationship just became toxic and I couldn’t be in it anymore. I’m still sad and missing her. She claims she loved me yet less then a week after our relationship she posts on tik tok about how she met a new guy and gets butterflies around him. Before anyone says I’m jealous, I’m not. I’m angry, in fact I’m furious. The way she treated me in the relationship was wrong and made me rethink my entire self worth. She said she loved me, yet she’s talking to someone new less then a week after. Meanwhile I’m still taking time to mourn. I’m just extremely hurt by this, and I want to message her, but I feel like I shouldn’t. To think that I fought throughout our relationship to make things better and all she had time for was yelling at me.

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Doingthebestican said:

 less then a week after our relationship she posts on tik tok about how she met a new guy and gets butterflies around him. 

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

You don't know if this is just posturing and showboating or an overlap/ cheating, but what you do know is it's time to make a clean break without keeping tabs on her.

[Doingthebestican]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

You don't know if this is just posturing and showboating or an overlap/ cheating, but what you do know is it's time to make a clean break without keeping tabs on her.

True, and I will be the bigger person and not say anything about it. I screenshotted the post though. I’m keeping it as motivation. I never get mad at people, I’m someone who doesn’t usually care why others do, but this a new kind of low I’ve seen. Like I’m f***ing pissed. I e never been this mad in my entire life. She’s just a horrible person, and I should’ve seen it from the beginning. 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Doingthebestican said:

. I screenshotted the post though. I’m keeping it as motivation.

She can see that you're viewing her tiktok and social media,so why give her that satisfaction? Do not keep any reminders of her around or take your anger to the next situation. Delete block, move forward.

[ExpatInItaly]

Delete her from all your social media, OP. 

She knows she is getting a rise out of you. Don't give the satisfaction of having any way to do that anymore. 

[stillafool]

I agree delete her from everything and ignore her if you see her in person.  The best revenge is to treat her as if she never existed.

[Mike B.]

People engage in all sorts of behavior after a break up.

The important stuff is what occurs that leads up to the break up. All of the crazy behavior afterward is just after the fact. I wouldn't waste my time trying to analyze it or understand it because people are just  built different.

I won't go into the complexities of how personal experiences and mental abilities can influence how one may behave after a relationship ends compared to their partner. For example, simply having a significantly different ability recalling events can make a huge difference between how a couple behaves after an argument or break up. I would just not follow her on social media or try to see what she is up to now. Assume she has moved on and do the same. It won't hurt as bad once the swelling goes down.

[Doingthebestican]

I broke up with my girlfriend. She has over 2 million followers online and she’s calling me out for “cheating” on her when I never did. It’s a complete lie and bullshit

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Doingthebestican said:

I broke up with my girlfriend. She has over 2 million followers online and she’s calling me out for “cheating” on her when I never did. It’s a complete lie and bullshit

Delete and block her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps. That's the only way to move forward and stop giving her all this headspace.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Doingthebestican said:

I broke up with my girlfriend. She has over 2 million followers online and she’s calling me out for “cheating” on her when I never did. It’s a complete lie and bullshit

Sorry this is happening.  It probably doesn't help but remember that probably 99.7% of those people don't know you.  And those who are friends will trust your word.

In the meantime.

1. Report each and every comment to the social media platforms she's using.  They should remove her posts

2. If it gets really bad and is affecting your life, speak with a lawyer.  Find out if they hit her with something like a 'cease and desist'.  Also, you're only 22 so engage the support of your parents.   As a parent of a child your age, I would definitely support them while they got the person to stop writing things about you.

[glows]

14 minutes ago, Doingthebestican said:

I broke up with my girlfriend. She has over 2 million followers online and she’s calling me out for “cheating” on her when I never did. It’s a complete lie and bullshit

You know what they say… what goes around comes around. It’s not really that great to be airing personal gripes on social media and speaks volumes about the person instead. Just focus on you.

 

[Lotsgoingon]

She is also free to look at the instagram pages of guys ... She sounds really insecure ... and maybe a bit on the hunt for justifications for her insecurity. 

 

[poppyfields]

On 10/1/2022 at 7:07 PM, Doingthebestican said:

I((M) just broke up with my first serious relationship girlfriend. I made mistakes during the relationship, and I’ll always own up to that. For example, the worst thing I did was I had looked up other girls on Instagram. I never messaged any of them, and tbh I think the only reason I had looked them up is I was kinda stalking my girls following and just clicking on names that seemed familiar. I never had any intention of getting with any of them, or even talking to them. Anyways she went through my phone and found that names and freaked out on me. It got to the point where she said I wasn’t even allowed to watch a sex scene during a movie because “I couldn’t be trusted.” She would constantly cry and get mad at me because I did that even though I had said sorry many times before and I was truly sorry. I just couldn’t handle it anymore though. It felt like we fought constantly because she’d always bring up old stuff and get mad at me. Eventually during one of our fights I just decided to end things. Now she claims that I was a cheater and a manipulator and that I need therapy, etc. I never wanted to hurt her, and I know what I did was wrong but it was my first real relationship, and I am just inexperienced in these things. She said she still loves me but that me breaking up with her was unforgivable. Am I the bad guy?

Addressing the bolded, may I ask what you find so special about this girl?  She sounds utterly toxic.

This is your first relationship, please understand this is NOT how relationships are supposed to be.

There is nothing wrong or bad about looking at pics on Instagram, good gawd you're her boyfriend not a monk.

Don't allow her or any woman to manipulate into thinking you're the bad buy here, she was out of like looking through your phone and harassing you for watching a movie with a sex scene?  Getting angry at you all the time for god only knows what?

Mate, you dodged a bullet imo.

[Lotsgoingon]

She's not really capable of a mature relationship. Sounds like she has some serious abandonment issues. 

Those issues are hard to resolve--not really smart to wait around for her to solve them, when in reality, she thinks YOU are the problem, not her. 

She's going to come back and try to make you feel guilty for her sadness. You ain't heard the last from her. You ready for her calls and her reports of tears? They're coming. She reminds me of my ex. OMG!