How to let go fast?

[Sulleeenfield]

Hi,

Ive been broken up with a year and a half ago and still can't stop thinking about her.

Me and her where very good friends before it got to relation level. We are 9 years of age apart (I'm older) We were together for 6 months. I was floored when she left, spent that summer drinking and kicking rocks.

Anyways after a while she came back into my life but never brought up the break up. We both share the same friends so I do see her once in a while but do my best not to interact with her.
 

She wanted me, she left me and now wants to be friends like nothing ever happened.

I ended up blocking her this month because I just couldn't take it anymore. I still have some feelings for her but I do not trust her anymore.

So how can I move on quickly from this? I feel like Ive been dwelling on this way to long.




 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Sulleeenfield said:

Ive been broken up with a year and a half ago and  We were together for 6 months.spent that summer drinking and kicking rocks.

 

Firstly, you're pining away for 3 times as long as you dated.

Secondly, drinking away your sorrows tends to perpetuate your loneliness and ruminating.

All you can do is make new friends and date new women.

[glows]

12 hours ago, Sulleeenfield said:

Hi,

Ive been broken up with a year and a half ago and still can't stop thinking about her.

Me and her where very good friends before it got to relation level. We are 9 years of age apart (I'm older) We were together for 6 months. I was floored when she left, spent that summer drinking and kicking rocks.

Anyways after a while she came back into my life but never brought up the break up. We both share the same friends so I do see her once in a while but do my best not to interact with her.
 

She wanted me, she left me and now wants to be friends like nothing ever happened.

I ended up blocking her this month because I just couldn't take it anymore. I still have some feelings for her but I do not trust her anymore.

So how can I move on quickly from this? I feel like Ive been dwelling on this way to long.




 

I’m sorry to hear about your break up. It’s usually counterproductive keeping in touch with an ex you may have feelings for. The blocking came late and so your healing is also delayed. There weren’t enough boundaries after the break up. Now that you’ve blocked her stay focused on you. We don’t heal spontaneously in a matter of days or weeks. I see it more as a gradual fade over months. 

Be realistic with yourself, avoid booze and too much caffeine, take care of your physical health and get back to all the things you’ve wanted to do. 

[mark clemson]

On 9/28/2022 at 5:56 PM, Sulleeenfield said:

So how can I move on quickly from this? I feel like Ive been dwelling on this way to long.

Depending on the specifics there may be no easy way.

Some people "rebound" and that may help. However to be fair to the other person, you'll probably need to let them know that you're only interested in a casual relationship (until you're actually over the former GF/ready to bond emotionally).

Our brains have an unfortunate tendency to take a lot longer than is convenient to "get over" someone. C'est la vie.

You could look up "the 180" (as it pertains to divorce) and cognitive behavioral therapy (IMO "the 180" is a form of applied CBT) and see if that is helpful.

Edited September 30, 2022 by mark clemson

[ShyViolet]

On 9/28/2022 at 8:56 PM, Sulleeenfield said:

She wanted me, she left me and now wants to be friends like nothing ever happened.

This is the problem right here; this is why it's taking you so long to get over this breakup.  Because you let her back into your life as "friends".  All that does is prevent you from moving on.  You shouldn't be friends with her and you shouldn't still be talking to her.  Keep her blocked.  Get some new things in your life.  That is the fastest way to move on.

[Sulleeenfield]

Too all of you, duly noted. Thank you for your inputs.

[Beachead]

@Sulleeenfield

To add strength to some of the responses you've been getting:

Quote

Anyways after a while she came back into my life but never brought up the break up. We both share the same friends so I do see her once in a while but do my best not to interact with her.

This is why it's taking longer. 

You let her back in.  Having the same group of friends also contributed. 

You two are not friends nor will it be likely that you will ever be friends.  If she broke up with you, she's telling you she wants to be with someone else.  One day, if not already, she will meet that person, and then you will be history because you are not anyone really important to her.  Her family is and so are the friends she keeps whom she confides in.  You are neither.  You are an ex whom she has history with, whom will complicate her current relationship with the guy she actually wants to be with.  She's not going to let that happen, so she'll distance from you or cut you out and that's when you'll realize this "Friendship" thing was just a self-serving strategy for the person requesting to maintain control over the situation.  Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time.

Been through this more times than I'd care to admit, but I learned the hard way.

My advice to you is in 2 parts:

1. Keep her blocked.  Keep her off of social media.  Try to distance from those mutual friends for awhile as well and when I mean awhile.. I mean like 1-2 years.  At the very least, limit contact with them.   You need to detox from anything associated with her.

2. In that time you dissociate, you need to redirect your focus towards you and rebuilding the quality of your own life.  What do you want to accomplish in the next 5 years?  What do you want to accomplish in 1 year?  Set goals to get there; immediate (Daily and Weekly)  intermediate (1-6 months) and longterm goals (1-5 years).  Mapping a detailed plan out and getting started on it will put you into a lifestyle that'll take your mind off of her.  At first, you'll have to go out of your way to put her out of your mind, but as you live your life through these goals, you'll start becoming more preoccupied and stressed about things regarding that.  In summary, you'll let go of this problem with her and adopt new ones to have; better ones to have.

To move passed someone, you have to focus on yourself.  The results will follow.  There is no fast tracking your healing but this is the path that'll give you the least pain on your way back to the top.

Goodluck

-  Beach

Edited October 15, 2022 by Beachead