Does she have a crush on me?

[Sia89]

Hi all

I am a young single guy currently working in a lab (about 4 months) with a dozen of scientists. Among them, there is a single, and really beautiful girl (my colleague) who ignored me (kinda rudely) the most at first, and I did the same to her to return the favor as nicely as possible, no hello, no even a smile. 😏 I'm not sure when and how it started; maybe once upon a soft argument we had over a safety protocol, but anyway, now it's a couple of weeks or a bit longer that I've noticed she's apparently showing subtle interest to know more about me. Her demeanor has turned friendly, is very up and ready to say hello and greet me, and she usually tries to ask me kinda personal questions during our working conversations. She doesn't consume all her coupons in a single day, instead, she usually asks me a single or two personal questions in a day when at work and only when we're alone. She seems to know what she's doing, but I'm not sure what she intends to convey to me. Here are some attempts she did to extract info out of my life:

1) Asking about my age
2) Telling me her own age while I never asked because I know it may look rude to girls and women. We now know she's one year younger than me.
3) Asking about my previous posts and occupation before starting my job here.
4) Offering me her number for working reasons and asking for mine as well while I never asked for a phone number exchange. (of course, this one went so bad and awkward. Don't blame me. I myself even don't know what happened, I just know none of us have each other's number yet, at least me. 😑)
5) Asking me if I'm single.
6) Asking me about my plans for the future.
7) etc.

Can such behavior mean that she has a crush on me or is evaluating me for marriage maybe?

My guts tell me neither to take her seriously nor to bother my life with a stupid love story; however, honestly, I like her, but still doubt whether she's into me or it's just my foolish imagination since I've caught her a couple of times talking and joking with other colleagues, too. I felt jealous when she looked at me and kept sharing words and smiles with others, but no reaction/attention was sent to her from my side for the sake of my attitude. I never ever want to look rude or freak. Just help me understand this bizarre creature. 🤨

[Alpacalia]

I have lab too (chem/bio). 

Giving you her phone number could be for study groups but asking personal questions and if you're single?

Sounds promising! 

2 hours ago, Sia89 said:

1) Asking about my age
2) Telling me her own age while I never asked because I know it may look rude to girls and women. We now know she's one year younger than me.
3) Asking about my previous posts and occupation before starting my job here.
4) Offering me her number for working reasons and asking for mine as well while I never asked for a phone number exchange. (of course, this one went so bad and awkward. Don't blame me. I myself even don't know what happened, I just know none of us have each other's number yet, at least me. 😑)
5) Asking me if I'm single.
6) Asking me about my plans for the future.
7) etc.

 

Edited September 29, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Sia89 said:

Can such behavior mean that she has a crush on me or is evaluating me for marriage maybe?

You'll never know unless you ask her out. She could be asking questions to be polite, or she's nosy or she has a friend she wants to unload on you. If you like her, ask her out. Be subtle and start with just a casual coffee break/drink after work. You'll get a better read on her behavior that way.

[Sia89]

I will try some tricks to see how situations go on. After that long period of ignorance and silence, she suddenly started first with weird actions like changing her way when seeing me or burning me with gazes that I just caught by accident, then she became outgoing, affable, helpful, and curious about me! I wonder if she's trying to play with my mind to see how I react. But, as long as I know things are moving well, but a bit slow and dull. I would appreciate any extra tips and suggestions. Thanks anyway.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Sia89 said:

I will try some tricks to see how situations go on.

Tricks to accomplish what exactly? Do you like her or just wants someone to flirt with at work? You're obsessing a bit too much about this and "tricks" will further confuse both you and her. Be very careful about using 'tricks' on coworkers. She could report you for sexual harassment if you are just playing games to amuse yourself. Go on a coffee break together in a mature civilized manner.

Edited September 29, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Sia89]

No! By no means am I going to play with her or flirt for sexual leisure. I hate doing something that makes people know me by such a gross attribute. Maybe I chose the wrong word when saying "tricks" since English is not my first language. I meant I would try to talk to her subtly and curve around the issue to see what she's about to do or know about me. I'd prefer to avoid asking her direct questions or exposing my interest to her boldly until I almost make sure she's really into me as well. I also thought about the possibility that maybe she's only flirting and abusing me for the sake of her amusement. I'd rather let the time unveil the secrets instead of divulging myself. thanks for the heads-up.

[salparadise]

If she hadn't started out so cold and rude I'd say it sounded like she's interested. But to go from one extreme to the other is a big red flag in my opinion. It's possible that she was playing coy and hoping you'd fall all over yourself trying to warm her up, and when she got the inverse she had to change her game. But it's also possible that she wants your attention, trying to get you to chase, just for the ego boost. It's just weird that she'd reverse 180 degrees. A normal person would have been polite and friendly at first and then gradually built rapport before being that personal. 

If I were you I'd not spend much time playing footsies with her. What's the saying... make her fish or cut bait. You take the lead by asking her a few personal questions, and if that goes okay then ask her to get coffee or drinks. So be assertive and see how she reacts. If turns you down or is anything less than cooperative then go back to cooling it and see if she comes after you. Just be careful –– you already know (strongly suspect) that she's irregular in some way, so don't stick your neck out too far too fast.

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Sia89 said:

I meant I would try to talk to her subtly and curve around the issue to see what she's about to do or know about me. 

It's fine to go on a coffee break or lunch break together as coworkers to get better acquainted. Do not ask direct or nosy or personal questions. There is no need for that. Do not throw curve balls to  obliquely try to figure her out. Why bother with that?

Simply be civilized and ask about interests, hobbies, general conversation and speak to her as a person rather than use strange "techniques " to get to know her better, if that is the goal. What exactly is your goal here? To date her?

Try to be personable and friendly. That's all you need to do. Either way, to have a better working relationship or perhaps if you want to pursue her. You can't lose being friendly and polite. However playing silly games will make matters worse.

Edited September 29, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Sia89]

If I can figure out what is going on in her head and kinda assure she's fallen for me, I will take the lead and ask her for dating. But since her behavior looks strange to me, I'm afraid of asking her out even for a simple coffee and then she turns the story of my request into something drama-romantic that plunges me into more trouble in the long run at work. The main problem is that I do like her, but at the same time doesn't trust her. I'm not even certain if she's literally honest with me and is truly looking for a real friendship/relationship or maybe on the contrary there is something evil and malice under the hood.

[Sia89]

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What exactly is your goal here? To date her?

If I can figure out what is going on in her head and kinda assure she's fallen for me, I will take the lead and ask her for dating. But since her behavior looks strange to me, I'm afraid of asking her out even for a simple coffee and then she turns the story of my request into something drama-romantic that plunges me into more trouble in the long run at work. The main problem is that I do like her, but at the same time doesn't trust her. I'm not even certain if she's literally honest with me and is truly looking for a real friendship/relationship or maybe on the contrary there is something evil and malice under the hood.

[Sia89]

28 minutes ago, salparadise said:

you already know (strongly suspect) that she's irregular in some way

Yeah, that is exactly how I feel. I am a conservative guy, and as I responded to Wiseman2, the problem is that I've found myself interested in someone that unfortunately I don't trust.

[Lotsgoingon]

You're asking the question too early. 

She's asking lots of questions that coworkers ask each other over time.

Just keep talking to her--if you like her. See where it goes. If she has a "crush" on you, that will become obvious. But follow your interest. I agree though that your interest is not clear. Do you like her? 

I am sensing that you haven't been in situations like this one before. So I'll give this advice just keep talking. Over time, if you guys like each other (even non-romantically) you'll go to lunch together, you'll share more ... Without really trying one of you will mention going to see a movie or something like that on weekends.

There is no reason to rush--since you guys work together. You'll see her often. Just keep talking if you like her. And no, it's not clear at all she has a crush on you or you on her. 

Question for you: is talking to her fun and thrilling? 

[Sia89]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Giving you her phone number could be for study groups

Thanks for your reply. I also sometimes think it is promising as you said, but witnessing her talking long and warmly with other male coworkers makes me worried that if I should proceed to establish a serious relationship with her. If being cool with other guys is the way that she is, then she's obviously not sending me any signals. I'm just a fish among and like the others and she means nothing by how she treats me. But if she's trying to provoke and assess my jealousy, it's another story that I think is really immature and impolite.

[basil67]

@Sia89  If she's friendly to all, then I imagine she's simply being friendly to you too.  

However, I'm alarmed that you're pondering the idea that she's being friendly to all in order to provoke your jealousy.   Or that there's something "evil and malice under the hood". Do you have issues with mistrusting the motives of women?   If so, don't even think about dating a woman you work with.

Edited September 29, 2022 by basil67

[Sia89]

18 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Question for you: is talking to her fun and thrilling? 

Yes, I like her and enjoy our conversations. But...

1st) It's strange that she suddenly shifted from a cold, silent, and ignorant stranger to a warm, helpful, and curious colleague who would like to ask me a lot.

2nd) I've paid attention to her body language and techniques. She usually sparkles a conversation when we're alone, and when I talk to her she moves closer to me and I have almost her full focus and attention.

[Lotsgoingon]

No, it's not unusual. That's what shy people do. They stay quiet and then open up over time--or suddenly when they get their confidence up. 

I'm still not getting that you really like her. 

Edited September 29, 2022 by Lotsgoingon

[Sia89]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 Do you have issues with mistrusting the motives of women? 

I have issues trusting her (not necessarily other female coworkers) as she was too far and rigid at first. She even deleted me for no obvious reason from one of the articles she owned when she found out I was working on it. I never asked her why she did that. I already have my hands elbow deep in many articles that I even didn't give a hoot about her weird misdeed.

[basil67]

The way you speak of her is filled with disdain.  Do not even consider being anything more than coworkers until your descriptions of her are fully positive or it will all end in tears. 

[Sia89]

14 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I'm still not getting that you really like her.

Perhaps I can describe my mindset as standing on the blade of liking her and mistrusting her. I admit that I cannot fully like and ask her out for dating and a serious relationship until I resolve the issue with myself. But I do know there are sparkles of interest within my heart regarding her.

[Lotsgoingon]

So some tips here on the way a relationship or the building of a relationship works.

Starting point, you don't know whether this woman is worthy of dating or you are worthy of dating in her eyes.

But you don't need to know that right now. You can't know that right now. What you can know is that you enjoy talking to her and learning about and sharing some of yourself to her. Stay there! Just keep talking and over time the outline of the relationship will emerge. You might just be friends. You might turn out not to like her as a colleague or a friend. Or you do develop romantic interest. 

But forget about that ... That's miles down the road. Just stay focused on the present and see where it goes. As you learn more, you might like her less or more and same with her. Or you reach a wall where you've gotten as close as you ever will. You can't know that yet. Just keep talking if you're enjoying it. If you're not enjoying it at any point, pull back on talking. 

[Sia89]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The way you speak of her is filled with disdain.

What I said about her so-called misdeed belonged to the past. She treated me rudely and I mirrored the consequences back into her face without hesitation. I'm not the guy who tolerates contempt. But nowadays, we're OK. We've started knowing each other more. She proactively lets me know about some details of her life without me bothering myself when and how to question her. I sense she has changed her mind and now feels positive about me. But consulting with other men and women here doesn't hurt anyway.

[Sia89]

15 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Just keep talking and over time the outline of the relationship will emerge.

That's exactly the way I think. I'd prefer to let the time reveal the details slowly and safely. Meanwhile, I just try to keep in touch and know each other better. Thank you.

[Alpacalia]

59 minutes ago, Sia89 said:

Thanks for your reply. I also sometimes think it is promising as you said, but witnessing her talking long and warmly with other male coworkers makes me worried that if I should proceed to establish a serious relationship with her. If being cool with other guys is the way that she is, then she's obviously not sending me any signals. I'm just a fish among and like the others and she means nothing by how she treats me. But if she's trying to provoke and assess my jealousy, it's another story that I think is really immature and impolite.

Happy to help.

I do have to agree with some of the others that it seems like you have disdain towards her.

This phenomenon is quite common — plenty of people want to get busy with people they really dislike.

[Sia89]

12 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I do have to agree with some of the others that it seems like you have disdain towards her.

Maybe my language is a bit harsh, but in contrast with what my words look like, I think she is out of my league. Perhaps that's another reason that I don't believe her to be interested in me. She's gorgeous, smart, confident, and frank. Overall, I admire her for what she is. I'm not trying to patronize her here, I'm just pouring my true feelings out.

Edited September 29, 2022 by Sia89

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, Sia89 said:

Perhaps I can describe my mindset as standing on the blade of liking her and mistrusting her. I admit that I cannot fully like and ask her out for dating and a serious relationship until I resolve the issue with myself. But I do know there are sparkles of interest within my heart regarding her.

This is not how getting to know a person, starting to date and form a relationship works in real life.

You'e not going to have all your questions answered and trust established before starting to date.  Dating is when you get to know what the person is really like and as you get more involved with dating the person, you BOTH learn whether you're compatible and whether you want to make a commitment to one another.

You have a lot of unrealistic expectations around what you'd like to happen before asking her out on a date.

That said, the way you talk about her is also pretty odd.   It sounds like you don't think much of her.