Bf and his female bestfriend

[ONELOVE7777]

Hey ladies and gents!

Im posting anonymously just in case. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We have a beautiful 7 month old baby girl together. Last year while I was pregnant, I met a girl that was introduced to me as his cousin. It took me about a month to realize she is not his cousin, but being that they share mutual friends and family, he felt cousin was the best title to give.… anyway, as time goes on, she is always in his car when he would pick me up from work. So I am seeing this girl 5 days a week. When he dropped me home he would continue to hang with this girl until 11/12 at night. I became very suspicious but I didnt want to question unless I seen something inappropriate. 
Anyway, time goes on and I realize, they hang out every single day all day. They went from the title cousins to bestfriends. 
Please take note, I have hung with them a few times and I noticed they had a bro and sis type of relationship. She has a tom boy demeanor and can be vulgar at times where I am more feminine. ( just to give you an idea of her and I )

More details:  this young lady is 20 years of age and my boyfriend is 30. She has come to my house, held our baby. She also has a boyfriend she lives with but her and my bf are always hanging out together. They would go to the mall, to walmart, to do laudry. There has been times he would leave the house and say “ let me see what xyz is doing”.
Mind you, he will tell me when he is with her, if i facetime or call, he will answer and talk to me. He is not hiding anything from me. Tbh,  when I see or hear her, she will say hello. But there has been other times where she would approach us and not say anything to me. My intuition has been screaming. But I have been wondering if they are messing around on the low or am i being insecure? What does it appear to be to you all?? 

I just dont want to be a fool 😞

[Wiseman2]

52 minutes ago, ONELOVE7777 said:

her and my bf are always hanging out together. They would go to the mall, to walmart, to do laudry. There has been times he would leave the house and say “ let me see what xyz is doing”

The question is why are they acting like a couple and treating you as a third wheel? How long have you and your BF lived together?  You need to explain to your BF that you need him to participate in family life, child care, and a social life with you. Why did he lie about her being a "cousin"?

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, ONELOVE7777 said:

Last year while I was pregnant, I met a girl that was introduced to me as his cousin. It took me about a month to realize she is not his cousin, but being that they share mutual friends and family, he felt cousin was the best title to give.… anyway, as time goes on, she is always in his car when he would pick me up from work. So I am seeing this girl 5 days a week. When he dropped me home he would continue to hang with this girl until 11/12 at night.

Irrespective of the nature of their relationship it seems he prioritizes his friendship over you and your child.

That's problematic.

There is no need to belabor the point, because it is not up for debate as to why it is a simple fact that he has now got a new girlfriend in everything but name. If you were to make yourself “get over this,” you would find yourself pushed further and further to the side.

He knows he’s not prioritizing you. It is not because you aren't explaining it well that it is a problem. 

[ONELOVE7777]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The question is why are they acting like a couple and treating you as a third wheel? How long have you and your BF lived together?  You need to explain to your BF that you need him to participate in family life, child care, and a social life with you. Why did he lie about her being a "cousin"?

We just started living together. I would say it has been a month now. When asked if they were cousins, he said yes and no. I asked what does that mean, he then tells me he called her cousin because their mutual family and friends. I noticed she knew of his family members. But as im writing this, i feel something in my heart. I was a fool for too long smh

[NuevoYorko]

Neither of them has a job, but you do have a job?  Are you the sole breadwinner in your household?  And you are solely responsible for taking care of your baby while the two of them hang out all day every day without you?

I don't think it makes much difference whether they are having a sexual relationship or not - I don't understand how a "family man" can spend all of his time like this, leaving you on your own, especially with a baby.  I'd say the same thing if it was a guy friend or his mom, really.   

My question for you is, why didn't you address this early in your relationship?  It seems like it must have been a challenge for you and he to develop a relationship which now includes a child when he doesn't really spend any time with you and evidently never has.

[glows]

I’m also curious about whether he works. Is he self-employed? They do appear to have a close bond but I couldn’t tell you if they’re involved romantically. The attachment seems strange especially as he referred to her as a cousin when she isn’t a cousin at all. I do understand some terms like aunty or uncle are used loosely to denote relationships that are familiar and dear to someone or out of respect but adopting a regular friend as a cousin is something I’ve not heard before. Later he describes it as a bro/sis relationship. I have two brothers and even at our advanced or older ages I would not be doing groceries, buying pampers and doing errands with either of them. That makes zero sense. Does your partner have a history of blurring the truth or making things up to suit himself? 

[smackie9]

IMO there's more to this... not in a romantic sense but immaturity sense. He needs to grow up and be more responsible towards his relationship with you and his child. He is using her as an escape from his adult life, and be like a college brat with no responsibilities. You need to confront him about what is owed to you and the baby. He needs to man up! and be a common law husband and a father. 

Edited October 3, 2022 by smackie9

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like she's his constant companion, and not you. 

That would not fly with me. They are more of a couple than you and him. You need to ask yourself why you're with a guy whose priorities are so screwed up, especially at the age of 30.