jules98 Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 I"m a 24 yr old M, my gf of almost 2 yrs is 22 yrs old, we met in the winter of 2020(i know, the timing lmao). We clicked instantly, Ive always known she's the one, and she feels the same way towards me and always have. I met her parents 2 weeks later and they seemed cool. But the more often i came over the house, her parents never engaged in conversation with me, and never even asked what my intentions with their daughter are, you know, basic stuff. As time goes on, my gf isn't allowed to take her car to my house anymore because in her parents heads .......im the boy and i should be driving and spending all my money on gas and car repairs. We both still live at home, I just got into a physical therapy program and am literally a broke college student. Her parents hate the fact i don't spoil her and take her to fancy restaurants because in their heads going to Ihop as a college student is a insult to their daughter. My gf doesn't feel insulted at all and she cant stand how her parents are either, they're materialistic I am currently at the mercy of using my parents cars to go to work, school, and help to do errands around the house. My little brother also has mental health issues that need attention so i have all those things to juggle. Her parents hate the fact that I don"t fit their box of "fitting into the family", yet i don't smoke, drink, waste money, i have a plan for school, work, business and i want to support their daughter. But it is really unfair for them to lecture their daughter about why cant i support her right now when they want me to, like.....IM IN SCHOOOOOOOOOL!!!!! Yes it sucks i have to juggle my mom and dads schedules for when they need the car, but i also cant make the financially irresponsible decision right now to buy a car, and forgo my tuition money and take on student loans i wont be able to pay back just to appease her narcisitsic parents. I am planning on getting a car during the winter break as i am going into my last semester of the program and will need my own car to get the clinical rotaions(working for the school for free for 12 weeks to pass the program...yes that's how it is...welcome to heath care education, it sucks) her dads a doctor and had his schooling paid for by mommy and daddy and her parents have no idea what the reality of putting yourself through school is like and then they blame me......and lecture her....as if me being me and doing the best i can is their daughters fault.....it pisses me off, they all talk behind my back to my gf, but when i go over the house, its all smiles and "hey how are" BS, empty words. i told them my grandfathr has cancer 3 months months ago, and they've NEVER ONCE asked me how he's doing They've told her i cant provide for her and that I'm gonna live off of her(she also wants to do physical therapy and is in the process of applying to school, and all she can do right now is wait for her applications to come back). She's defended me saying how i practically fully support myself financially while living with my parents and how ridiculous hers are being(my parents piss me off too but i'm handling it)....but they just don't care.......mind you, her parents track her phone, her BANK ACCOUNT DIRECT DEPOSIT INFO, venmo account, credit cards, and her car with a camera And since they have CAMERAS IN THE HOUSE, they can see our conversations........her parents were away on vacation and i came over, my gf has a little sister who i thought i had a close relationship with.....so i jokingly referred to my gfs sister, and my brother as the 2 "morons".....i was referencing the show "The Goldbergs" on ABC where the dad calls his kids MORONS in the show, and it became a running joke in my family that all the kids are considered the MORONS....but its always in a loving tone.... the sister told the parents i called her a moron without context, they saw the footage, then her father goes and tells their family and friends and now my gf tells me that her dad gave her"3 days" to end it with me.......like who tf r u to tell your 22 yr old daughter, (who mind you got herself a full time job ON HER OWN, makes her own money ON HER OWN, and is applying to schools on her own)....what to do in her relationship, she isnt a teenager shes 22 going on 23 in a few months.... Then yesterday her mom cries to her younger sister at the dinner table that "Im afraid we're gonna lose *Gf* from the family"....her mom cant even just be direct to the daughter shes "worried" about.....both her parents are refusing to speak to her until she breaks up with me All her parents drama caused me to fail a major exam that i have to retake or else im out of the physical therapay program ive poured all my blood sweat and tears into and its causing my Gf mental distress. she used to go to therapy in high-school and i've been telling her to go back for her own sake, but she's scared her parents will see the billing statement from the insurance..... When her parents are mad they just don't speak to her, they don't even scream, to me it seems like a win with no whining parents, but to my Gf it makes her feel like a failure and she doesn't know if we should just go on a break until she gets into school and is living off campus, or she tell her parents we are broken up and stayed friends....and we stay together in secret and meet up at place in public near her job, the gym, and even her therapy(she says she is going to call the therapist today) for the next 6 months until she is out of the house and gets into school she loves me, i love her, but her controlling narccisistic parents are driving the both of us crazy and its effecting my school and her mental health.... Do i continue seeing her on her way out of work, meeting her at the gym and going with her to her therpy and stay a secret for 6 months? or do i go and sit down with her parents and explain myself because after 2 yrs they have no idea who i am since they never try to get to know me....my gf says that'll make it worse but i hate not standing up As i'm writing this she tells me she told her parents we decided to be friends, but we just see each other in secret until she gets into school and then its " screw you mom and dad, we make each other happy" and she doesn't have to be home in that negative energy and stress all the time help Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 If this relationship truly has staying power, if you are committed to each other and see yourselves staying together for years to come, then you are just going to have to ignore her parents, stop going over to her house, and only see her at other places, and just get through the next couple of years until you and her become more independent and she can move out. There's no other way around this. You need to establish strong boundaries. SHE is the one with crazy parents, she is the one living with them, and it's really her decision whether to listen to them and let them control her life, or to ignore them and stay in this relationship with you. She is the only one who can make that decision, since these are her parents. You need to fully recognize that you have zero control over this. So there is no point in stressing over it or taking all this aggravation upon yourself. 12 minutes ago, jules98 said: All her parents drama caused me to fail a major exam that i have to retake or else im out of the physical therapay program ive poured all my blood sweat and tears into You need to stop letting them have this kind of control over you. Don't let school be compromised over this drama. School is your ticket to a successful future and financial independence. Get through school and then you'll be in a better position to make this relationship successful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, jules98 said: we just see each other in secret until she gets into school and then its " screw you mom and dad, we make each other happy" and she doesn't have to be home in that negative energy and stress all the time Sorry this is happening. Are you two from different socioeconomic, cultural or religious backgrounds? There seems to be more going on here than two college students eating at fast food places. Right now she is rebelling, but keep in mind mommy and daddy are paying for everything and she will side with them in the long run. Step back from this. Do not explain yourself to her parents. She is kind of twofaced because she is under the auspices of mommy/daddy but telling you she'll sneak around with you. Don't allow disrespect like being a secret or her folks thinking she is slumming it. Edited October 1, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jules98 Posted October 1, 2022 Author Share Posted October 1, 2022 49 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. Are you two from different socioeconomic, cultural or religious backgrounds? There seems to be more going on here than two college students eating at fast food places. Right now she is rebelling, but keep in mind mommy and daddy are paying for everything and she will side with them in the long run. Step back from this. Do not explain yourself to her parents. She is kind of twofaced because she is under the auspices of mommy/daddy but telling you she'll sneak around with you. Don't allow disrespect like being a secret or her folks thinking she is slumming it. They're Italian and im Spanish. Daddys a doctor and his father (my gf grabdfather) looked at me in the face and said "and who do u think paid for her father's school? I did. That's why he has no loans" and her father just looked down like a child embarrassed. My parents bought supermarkets and run small local ones, but they don't spoil me....if you want soemthing, go work for it....her parents don't understand that concept cuz they've been spoiled their whole lives too My gf offers to pay her own car insurance, gorcieries, phone, etc but they refuse to let her....and it's all stemming from the fact she's independent and doesn't need them, but they fear that..... I don't get how as a parent seeing your grown kid be independent and not be codependent on you is a threat....like thats their job to get her out the fing house on her own.... But they talk to her as if I'm gonna control her....like they're stuck in 1945...she does what she wants. I do what I want. And we choose to be together...they're just pathetic they're so old school All they're concerned about is a image they wanna upkeep as a "family" Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 3 hours ago, jules98 said: We both still live at home You can jump up and down all you wish about them, but the fact is she lives at home. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 I’m not sure why she’s telling you all the nonsense at home. Kindly, she’s very immature and can’t seem to take the heat or deal with her parents’ opinions, relays the toxicity to you and you end up internalizing all of it, failing your exam. Both of you are still dependent on your parents and I know it’s frustrating but keep cool here and stay level headed for yourself. This is basically your survival and passing your exams is a necessity. Anything else, gf etc, needs to come second. If she has more to say about her parents tell her you understand but she needs to work it out with them. Stop pandering to that and listening to all of it. You have other things to do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 On 10/1/2022 at 12:44 PM, jules98 said: I"m a 24 yr old M, my gf of almost 2 yrs is 22 yrs old, we met in the winter of 2020(i know, the timing lmao). We clicked instantly, Ive always known she's the one, and she feels the same way towards me and always have. I met her parents 2 weeks later and they seemed cool. But the more often i came over the house, her parents never engaged in conversation with me, and never even asked what my intentions with their daughter are, you know, basic stuff. As time goes on, my gf isn't allowed to take her car to my house anymore because in her parents heads .......im the boy and i should be driving and spending all my money on gas and car repairs. We both still live at home, I just got into a physical therapy program and am literally a broke college student. Her parents hate the fact i don't spoil her and take her to fancy restaurants because in their heads going to Ihop as a college student is a insult to their daughter. My gf doesn't feel insulted at all and she cant stand how her parents are either, they're materialistic I am currently at the mercy of using my parents cars to go to work, school, and help to do errands around the house. My little brother also has mental health issues that need attention so i have all those things to juggle. Her parents hate the fact that I don"t fit their box of "fitting into the family", yet i don't smoke, drink, waste money, i have a plan for school, work, business and i want to support their daughter. But it is really unfair for them to lecture their daughter about why cant i support her right now when they want me to, like.....IM IN SCHOOOOOOOOOL!!!!! Yes it sucks i have to juggle my mom and dads schedules for when they need the car, but i also cant make the financially irresponsible decision right now to buy a car, and forgo my tuition money and take on student loans i wont be able to pay back just to appease her narcisitsic parents. I am planning on getting a car during the winter break as i am going into my last semester of the program and will need my own car to get the clinical rotaions(working for the school for free for 12 weeks to pass the program...yes that's how it is...welcome to heath care education, it sucks) her dads a doctor and had his schooling paid for by mommy and daddy and her parents have no idea what the reality of putting yourself through school is like and then they blame me......and lecture her....as if me being me and doing the best i can is their daughters fault.....it pisses me off, they all talk behind my back to my gf, but when i go over the house, its all smiles and "hey how are" BS, empty words. i told them my grandfathr has cancer 3 months months ago, and they've NEVER ONCE asked me how he's doing They've told her i cant provide for her and that I'm gonna live off of her(she also wants to do physical therapy and is in the process of applying to school, and all she can do right now is wait for her applications to come back). She's defended me saying how i practically fully support myself financially while living with my parents and how ridiculous hers are being(my parents piss me off too but i'm handling it)....but they just don't care.......mind you, her parents track her phone, her BANK ACCOUNT DIRECT DEPOSIT INFO, venmo account, credit cards, and her car with a camera And since they have CAMERAS IN THE HOUSE, they can see our conversations........her parents were away on vacation and i came over, my gf has a little sister who i thought i had a close relationship with.....so i jokingly referred to my gfs sister, and my brother as the 2 "morons".....i was referencing the show "The Goldbergs" on ABC where the dad calls his kids MORONS in the show, and it became a running joke in my family that all the kids are considered the MORONS....but its always in a loving tone.... the sister told the parents i called her a moron without context, they saw the footage, then her father goes and tells their family and friends and now my gf tells me that her dad gave her"3 days" to end it with me.......like who tf r u to tell your 22 yr old daughter, (who mind you got herself a full time job ON HER OWN, makes her own money ON HER OWN, and is applying to schools on her own)....what to do in her relationship, she isnt a teenager shes 22 going on 23 in a few months.... Then yesterday her mom cries to her younger sister at the dinner table that "Im afraid we're gonna lose *Gf* from the family"....her mom cant even just be direct to the daughter shes "worried" about.....both her parents are refusing to speak to her until she breaks up with me All her parents drama caused me to fail a major exam that i have to retake or else im out of the physical therapay program ive poured all my blood sweat and tears into and its causing my Gf mental distress. she used to go to therapy in high-school and i've been telling her to go back for her own sake, but she's scared her parents will see the billing statement from the insurance..... When her parents are mad they just don't speak to her, they don't even scream, to me it seems like a win with no whining parents, but to my Gf it makes her feel like a failure and she doesn't know if we should just go on a break until she gets into school and is living off campus, or she tell her parents we are broken up and stayed friends....and we stay together in secret and meet up at place in public near her job, the gym, and even her therapy(she says she is going to call the therapist today) for the next 6 months until she is out of the house and gets into school she loves me, i love her, but her controlling narccisistic parents are driving the both of us crazy and its effecting my school and her mental health.... Do i continue seeing her on her way out of work, meeting her at the gym and going with her to her therpy and stay a secret for 6 months? or do i go and sit down with her parents and explain myself because after 2 yrs they have no idea who i am since they never try to get to know me....my gf says that'll make it worse but i hate not standing up As i'm writing this she tells me she told her parents we decided to be friends, but we just see each other in secret until she gets into school and then its " screw you mom and dad, we make each other happy" and she doesn't have to be home in that negative energy and stress all the time help Could this be a deeper issue about socioeconomical class? Does she come from a wealthy background with 'higher' lifestyle? Expensive hobbies? Is her family traditional and expect you to fill the traditional male role in the relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 Remember when it comes to marriage, the parents are part of the package deal. You will be stuck with them and their criticism. They have expectations, and if you can't fulfill them, they won't be giving any blessings to you. It may seem unfair but they only want the best for their daughter and her future. They don't want her having to struggle financially, that's why that are on you about fancy dinners etc. It is what it is. So pull up your bootstraps and get on it or get out of it. talking to them will be a waste of time. They know where you are at, and they don't like it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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