tito1501 Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 Hi all, Hope you are all doing really good! I am 30 and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years now, she is 23. We moved to a new country and therefore we do not have the group of friends we used to have in our hometown. What happens to me is that when Fridays/Saturdays come and I see young guys in the street going out and having a lot of fun, I feel I am missing out on something. I feel that being with my girlfriend is very nice but I am still very young to have such 'adult married life'. I must mention that we do have a lot of fun, we travel together, have dinner together, go to the movies and we meet some new friends every now and then, double-dates etc.. My girlfriend is younger than me and she loves being with me and if we sometimes have company for her it is a bonus, but not a must. She is more of an introvert whilst I am more of an extravert. She also completely respects my hobbies, I can go surfing for hours, surf trip with my friends, do Jiu Jitsu class and she does not bother me that I am away or that kind of stuff. Her insecurities are related to the chances that I would flirt/be with other girls. If I could be completely selfish I would tell her that I go out on Friday and on Saturday and Sunday we spend the whole day together. I do not miss chasing girls or sex with other people, I really just miss this singlehood freedom of not giving a s*** and doing whatever one wants on a weekend. Am I doing something wrong? Am I maybe in a transition phase to a finally mature and lasting relationship, probably not accomplished until today due to my lack of maturity? What I do know is that my girlfriend would not be secure if I would tell her I go to a club to talk to people and just dance by myself/with friends. She is 6 years younger than me and I respect that insecurity, because I also had when I was her age! Your advice or insight would be welcome. Thanks a lot for reading this. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 14 minutes ago, tito1501 said: I maybe in a transition phase to a finally mature and lasting relationship, probably not accomplished until today due to my lack of maturity? Your GF doesn't seem insecure at all. You are just not happy being "tied" down in a relationship. You sort of want the security blanket and freedom at the same time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 1 hour ago, tito1501 said: I am 30 and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years now, she is 23. It’s been 2 years and your partner fears you flirting with other women? Why hasn’t she ended this by now? I mean this kindly. While she may be young and insecure (may not know any better), it’s up to you to put the brakes on this if you’re feeling like a chunk of yourself is missing. That age gap would also suggest to me she may not be mature enough or up to par in terms of maturity and you’re not on the same wavelength. She is not secure in herself otherwise she’d have left you awhile ago. I wouldn’t settle for this. Both of you are on different tracks. Why not date someone older or who has been working longer/less fearful altogether or not so intimidated or worried? I also think you’re incompatible being intro/extroverted and your values might mismatch if she disagrees with bars or clubs. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 You are not with the right person. When you are with the right person, they make you feel complete to the core, fit into your life completely, especially sharing the same passions/hobbies/activities. She doesn't fulfill a lot of that, that's why you are wishing you could get a hall pass on Friday nights. Sure you have fun and do some stuff with her...but there's something still missing..... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 On 10/2/2022 at 7:09 AM, tito1501 said: I am still very young to have such 'adult married life'. Actually, you're not young to be doing this at all - plenty of others are happily settling down by this age. I wonder if you had a different relationship if you might feel more inclined to drop into the life of a long term committed couple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 (edited) I agree, at your age most of my friends and my parents were married with two children. You want the security of a relationship while enjoying the freedom of the single life. That’s not possible. What you need to do is compromise - you are able to go out with your buddies once in a while and/or spend a day doing something that you love (surfing). What you need to do is balance that with some time spent with your girlfriend every weekend. It’s not all or nothing. There is freedom to be found IN a relationship. As for your girlfriend, she doesn’t sound insecure at all. In fact, she sounds quite mature for a young woman of 23 years old. The only real advice I would offer is don’t disrespect her by going to the club, dancing with other women, and staying out until all hours… If THAT is what you want to do, let her find a man who has the maturity to give her what she wants in a relationship while you enjoy the single life… Edited October 7, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 I don't know where you live, OP, but in some places, 30 is still young to be married. Where I live, it is unusual these days to meet someone who is married with children by your age. Context is relevant. In any case, it sounds like you're not ready for the "settled" life. Ask yourself if you're truly happy in your relationship. What would your girlfriend's reaction be if you said you were going to meet a couple friends for a beer on a Friday night? Not every Friday night, but surely once in a while would be alright? Link to post Share on other sites
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