Why is this 31/f coworker acting so strange with me 30/m

[accnt2312131]

Just curious about something. this girl i work with.  I am in a senior position but only by 1 level. She acts super hot/cold and I don't know why. Why is she like this? What does she feel about me? 

I saw her outside, like i hung out with coworkers, when i first saw her she hugged me but afterwards she pretty much ignored me. when i tried asking how she was doing, she said fine and asked someone else how he was doing. she pretty much avoided having to be with me 1 on 1 and looking at me or anything

like she ignores me but when she came to one of my hangouts that i didn't inite her too but someone esle did, she was saying things to me.

she ignored me she was saying like 'Oh u like cats look at these cats i found' 'oh hey dad hes a giants fan' 'ur a good cook right?' and i played this bar game and i did terrible. and she was like 'oh u did good' NO i didn't i said to her no id din't she said 'u did better than me'

next time i see her at work, she ignores me and doesn't talk ot me. U know? and before i saw her and she said those things, she pretty much ignored me the same. u kno she talks to nearly everyone but me ignores me though but when i saw her outside she was saying things to me.

i wanted to be one on one, but i was disappointed because i felt she didn't want to be alone with me so i then later said 'sorry i can't make it i have other plans, sorry'

and she said 'alrighty'

i made it to the same event, and she saw me, she came with other friends, she hugged me but then ignored me the rest of the night

Like i tried asking how she was, quickly barely answered. and she quickly changed topics

like responds but moves quickly to something else.

like she was trying her best to ignore me.

And then i had a fight with one of her friends and i basically removed him from my

whatsapp hangout group because i would be about to having being around her and then

we kinda made up and he readded me to another whatsapp group AND SHES IN IT

Edited October 18, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
shorten title, add those details to thread, merge threads

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, accnt2312131 said:

. this girl i work with.  I am in a senior position but only by 1 level. She acts super hot/cold and I don't know why. 

It's best to be very careful with this situation. No matter what kind of crush you may have on her, always keep in mind that you are both there to work and make a living. The workplace is not a singles club.

In this particular case you're treading a fine line between a sexual harassment complaint being filed by her and having an unrequited crush.

Go to work in order to work. Do your job and act professional at all times. Date outside of work.

[glows]

On 10/1/2022 at 3:48 PM, accnt2312131 said:

i wanted to be one on one, but i was disappointed because i felt she didn't want to be alone with me 

Remain professional only. Your instincts are likely accurate. She sounds like she’s keeping the peace and being polite. She’s not interested in being your friend or anything more. 

What was the fight about with her male friend? Why is there so much tension and drama with this group? They may just not be your crowd. I’d leave her alone from now onwards. Think: professional only. Hang out with other friends too, not just this group.  

[accnt2312131]

Why is this 31/f coworker acting so strange with me 30/m. I am in a senior position but only by 1 level. She acts super hot/cold and I don't know why. Why is she like this? What does she feel about me?

just curious about something. this girl i work with, i saw her outside, like i hung out with coworkers, when i first saw her she hugged me but afterwards she pretty much ignored me. when i tried asking how she was doing, she said fine and asked someone else how he was doing. she pretty much avoided having to be with me 1 on 1 and looking at me or anything
like she ignores me but when she came to one of my hangouts that i didn't inite her too but someone esle did, she was saying things to me.
she ignored me she was saying like 'Oh u like cats look at these cats i found' 'oh hey dad hes a giants fan' 'ur a good cook right?' and i played this bar game and i did terrible. and she was like 'oh u did good' NO i didn't i said to her no id din't she said 'u did better than me'
next time i see her at work, she ignores me and doesn't talk ot me. U know? and before i saw her and she said those things, she pretty much ignored me the same. u kno she talks to nearly everyone but me ignores me though but when i saw her outside she was saying things to me.
i wanted to be one on one, but i was disappointed because i felt she didn't want to be alone with me so i then later said 'sorry i can't make it i have other plans, sorry'
and she said 'alrighty'
i made it to the same event, and she saw me, she came with other friends, she hugged me but then ignored me the rest of the night
Like i tried asking how she was, quickly barely answered. and she quickly changed topics
like responds but moves quickly to something else.
like she was trying her best to ignore me.
And then i had a fight with one of her friends and i basically removed him from my
whatsapp hangout group because i would be about to having being around her and then
we kinda made up and he readded me to another whatsapp group AND SHES IN IT

Edited October 18, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
shorten title

[stillafool]

I don't know why she acts the way she does, which seems okay to me, but if you like her ask her out on a date.

[accnt2312131]

Just now, stillafool said:

I don't know why she acts the way she does, which seems okay to me, but if you like her ask her out on a date.

what do you mean? 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, accnt2312131 said:

what do you mean? 

Do you want to date this woman?

[accnt2312131]

Just now, stillafool said:

Do you want to date this woman?

maybe... but i don't kno what she feels about me... what do you think? 

[stillafool]

Just now, accnt2312131 said:

maybe... but i don't kno what she feels about me... what do you think? 

I think you should ask her out.  If she says yes make a plan and enjoy the date.  If she declines then you can put her out of your mind.

[accnt2312131]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

I think you should ask her out.  If she says yes make a plan and enjoy the date.  If she declines then you can put her out of your mind.

im thinking about it.... but what do u think about her behavior... what do u think she feels about me? 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, accnt2312131 said:

im thinking about it.... but what do u think about her behavior... what do u think she feels about me? 

It seems like she likes you but is shy because she runs away.  You have to step up and be more assertive.  Women like confidence in a man.

[accnt2312131]

17 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It seems like she likes you but is shy because she runs away.  You have to step up and be more assertive.  Women like confidence in a man.

hmm ok but why do u think she likes me? 

[stillafool]

Just now, accnt2312131 said:

hmm ok but why do u think she likes me? 

I have no idea and neither will anyone else here.  I don't know either of you.o

[accnt2312131]

Just now, stillafool said:

I have no idea and neither will anyone else here.  I don't know either of you.o

but u say she likes me? 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, accnt2312131 said:

but u say she likes me? 

You said she's friendly to you and gives you hugs so she obviously likes you.  It's up to you to find out how much.

[mark clemson]

Since this is a co-worker and you are in a senior position, be cautious. Don't let yourself become "addicted to" attention from her, as it's a work context and unless this is some very simplistic job she and you both cannot afford to have you constantly wondering about your "emotional status" with her.

Play it cool AND actually BE cool wrt dealing with her. If you can't do that, then you're probably better off looking for romance elsewhere, outside of work.

Some people have a "policy" to never date co-workers, and there is wisdom to this as people who can't handle a breakup well are out there and a really bad one of those types of people can derail your livelihood/career.

Edited October 18, 2022 by mark clemson

[accnt2312131]

4 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Since this is a co-worker and you are in a senior position, be cautious. Don't let yourself become "addicted to" attention from her, as it's a work context and unless this is some very simplistic job she and you both cannot afford to have you constantly wondering about your "emotional status" with her.

Play it cool AND actually BE cool wrt dealing with her. If you can't do that, then you're probably better off looking for romance elsewhere, outside of work.

what u mean by 'addicted to' attention from her...

I mean can i just ask what do you think about her behavior...

What do you think she feels about me so far based on what i told u? 

[mark clemson]

^^ any answer I gave would pretty much be conjecture. While I'm pretty good at that, and reasonably good at "reading people," the whole reason you're posting is that it's pretty ambiguous/hot and cold. And it is for me too. So, as stillafool pointed out, the only way you'll really know is to ask.

Addicted to attention is you're sitting around pondering her interest level instead of just letting it be whatever it is. She may have you a bit "hooked" on her, possibly not even intentionally. Don't let her attention become something you "need" as this is a work context.

Edited October 18, 2022 by mark clemson
added 2nd paragraph

[accnt2312131]

Just now, mark clemson said:

^^ any answer I gave would pretty much be conjecture. While I'm pretty good at that, and reasonably good at "reading people," the whole reason you're posting is that it's pretty ambiguous/hot and cold. And it is for me too. So, as stillafool pointed out, the only way you'll really know is to ask.

no i know... but since ur good at reading people what do u think..... what do you mean pretty ambiguous hot / cold ? 

[mark clemson]

^^ what I mean is like you've been saying, it's not very clear whether she's just being friendly/lightly (meaninglessly) flirting or actually interested in you romantically.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, it sounds like she is being friendly with all fellow coworkers and the hangout group. She seems to be interested in keeping her job by being polite and professional at work. 

[accnt2312131]

5 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

^^ what I mean is like you've been saying, it's not very clear whether she's just being friendly/lightly (meaninglessly) flirting or actually interested in you romantically.

i mean what should i do? 

[accnt2312131]

I am just ambivalent and confused about something. just curious about something. this girl i work with, i saw her outside, like i hung out with coworkers, when i first saw her she hugged me but afterwards she pretty much ignored me. when i tried asking how she was doing, she said fine and asked someone else how he was doing. she pretty much avoided having to be with me 1 on 1 and looking at me or anything
like she ignores me but when she came to one of my hangouts that i didn't inite her too but someone esle did, she was saying things to me.
she ignored me she was saying like 'Oh u like cats look at these cats i found' 'oh hey dad hes a giants fan' 'ur a good cook right?' and i played this bar game and i did terrible. and she was like 'oh u did good' NO i didn't i said to her no id din't she said 'u did better than me'
next time i see her at work, she ignores me and doesn't talk ot me. U know? and before i saw her and she said those things, she pretty much ignored me the same. u kno she talks to nearly everyone but me ignores me though but when i saw her outside she was saying things to me.
i wanted to be one on one, but i was disappointed because i felt she didn't want to be alone with me so i then later said 'sorry i can't make it i have other plans, sorry'
and she said 'alrighty'
i made it to the same event, and she saw me, she came with other friends, she hugged me but then ignored me the rest of the night
Like i tried asking how she was, quickly barely answered. and she quickly changed topics
like responds but moves quickly to something else.
like she was trying her best to ignore me.
And then i had a fight with one of her friends and i basically removed him from my
whatsapp hangout group because i would be about to having being around her and then
we kinda made up and he readded me to another whatsapp group AND SHES IN IT

[Beachead]

@accnt2312131

Not sure as there isn't anything in your post which suggests definite interest.

I wouldn't entertain this. The more you spend time thinking about it, the more she's going to get inside your head and mess you up.  Your workplace is where you go to make a living so that you can afford to pay your bills and enjoy the life you are living.  Say you two decide to date and for whatever reasons, things don't work out, now you're going to be stuck around this woman everyday, and you won't have the the space you need to get over it.  We need space to get over these things.  Without that, it can potentially make the whole environment unbearable for you and you may have to find a new place to work.  It happens often.

Edited October 18, 2022 by Beachead

[accnt2312131]

4 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@accnt2312131

I wouldn't entertain this.  Your workplace is where you go to make a living so that you can afford to pay your bills and enjoy the life you are living.  Say you two decide to date and things don't work out, you're going to be stuck around this woman everyday, which is not a good outcome for you since we need space to get over people.   It can potentially make the whole environment unbearable for you and then you may have to find a new place to work.  It happens often.

i mean i am just wondering what do u think about her behavior towards me... wat do u think she feels about me based on what i told u?