Need someone to talk to about this :

[makman27]

Ok so this whole thing is kind of a long story but I’ll try to get to the point quickly. I was friends with this girl for a little less than a year, and we were extremely close at one point. All this time, she was involved with this other guy who she met before me, but they never officially had a label. Not boyfriend/girlfriend, not hookup buddies, not FWB, nothing. I always thought that was kind of odd. Anyway, eventually I caught feelings for my friend and confessed to her, to which she said she already liked this other guy and wanted to be with him.

Anyway, this is the part where I admit, I didn’t handle things well. I took it personally and as a slight against myself, even though I’m pretty sure it had nothing to do with any personal flaw. She had told me in the past that she found me attractive and knew we got along really well. I know this now. But again, at the time I took it personally. I may have said some things that I shouldn’t have about the other guy.

Fast forward now, we were out getting drinks with some friends one night and we were both tipsy/slightly drunk I would say. I made a move on her and we kissed for a couple of minutes. She absolutely went along with it too. End of the night happens and we each go home.

Next day, she is extremely mad and ends our friendship, saying I didn’t respect her decision and she was tired of me talking badly about the other guy.

That’s the story. I’ve learned a lot from this experience and I wish I could take back some things. But the one thing that keeps bothering me is why she willingly went along with it when I went in to kiss her. Was she actually conflicted on who she wanted to be with? Did she just find me attractive and went along with it after a few drinks? Did she like that I was pursuing her? 

Just looking for some opinions here, maybe from a girl’s point of view. Thanks!

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, makman27 said:

I caught feelings for my friend and confessed to her,. we were both tipsy/slightly drunk I would say. I made a move on her and we kissed for a couple of minutes.

Sorry this happened. "Confessing feelings" is very awkward and puts someone on the spot. It makes things quite strained and uncomfortable.

If you are interested in a woman as more than friends, do not buzz around in the friendzone (just hanging out, etc.) or worse, male-girlfriend zone (listening to her dating woes with guys) . Ask them out one-on-one on a real date and of course, stay sober

 In this case getting drunk and frisky was a mistake. Let the dust settle and step away to save face. Stop chasing uninterested women.

[glows]

2 hours ago, makman27 said:

But the one thing that keeps bothering me is why she willingly went along with it when I went in to kiss her. Was she actually conflicted on who she wanted to be with? Did she just find me attractive and went along with it after a few drinks? Did she like that I was pursuing her? 

Just looking for some opinions here, maybe from a girl’s point of view. Thanks!

Most of us are women here but that’s very flattering. 

I’m sorry this happened. I’d say she was embarrassed about giving out mixed messages, saying one thing and doing another. She does have a point that you weren’t respecting what she said initially. Add alcohol to the mix and it’s a bad idea all around rife with opportunity for misunderstandings. You sort of set yourself up here for failure. The thing to do now is be respectful and stay away. Maybe the kiss felt nice and you’re confused but pursuing this just makes you look like the bad guy or creepy so let this one go.

Edited October 3, 2022 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

She got caught up in the moment when she kissed you, but now regrets it. 

I think it is unreasonable of her to be mad at you when she went along with it too, but there's not much you can do about that. She likes someone else and doesn't want to pursue something with you. 

It sounds like it will be for the best that this friendship ends.