I'm lost

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, zippyfibble said:

I’m going to send it closer to the time. 

Why? 

Just send it now. Be done with this. She is selfish and it's hurting you to stay in touch. It doesn't matter if you've known her forever. She's not treating you like a friend and has no respect for you or your feelings. You need to get some boundaries and let go of her. 

[glows]

6 hours ago, zippyfibble said:

So I’ve been strong since and not texted or emailed her even after having drinks. Then out of the blue last Thursday she texted me, I didn’t reply until the Friday but kept it short replying in 5 words or so. She texted me back later that day saying longest reply ever. I replied saying what did you want me to say I answered your question and I got reply saying you usually text more. I was starting to feel better about the situation but the text exchange has brought the feelings back. I think the only way is going to be to delete or block her but as I said I’ve known her nearly all my life so over 40yrs now. 
 

She was just baiting you here and sadly you took it. Her response criticizing your reply was to get a reaction out of you. She doesn’t want to date you and you want something more/have feelings so yes, decline the Nov 15th catch up now sooner rather than later and block her so she doesn’t keep bothering you. 

You say you’ve known her all your life. It’s fine to grow apart and find yourself apart from this friendship. 

Edited October 18, 2022 by glows

[SingFish]

7 hours ago, zippyfibble said:

She wants to meet me on the 15th November now for lunch and a catch-up , I havet replied yet but have written a response saying I don’t think so it’s not a good idea but I’m going to send it closer to the time. 

By this time I would completely ignore her. Or just say no thanks. 

This lady is tying you in emotional knots, it's your life of course and there are lots of men and women who masochistically enjoy such torture ( and that's okay too ) but if it's not your thing just let go now. You're like a cat's plaything, for no other reason than it can when it's bored. What on earth could you and she have to 'catch up' on? Her love life in your absence?  

You seem too lovely for this slow torture! Unless as I say, it's your thing. Then go for it.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, zippyfibble said:

She wants to meet me on the 15th November now for lunch and a catch-up 

Does it matter what she wants?  It's clear she just wants a male-girlfriend, which is worse than the friendzone.

It depends on what exactly, you would like out of this. A friend? Or since your dynamics are more those of a spurred suitor, is she really a friend anymore?

This is not about her. It's about trying to fill voids and loneliness through her.

[mark clemson]

You were making the right moves in order to make room in your life for a genuine GF.

Your friendship may matter to both of you, but at this point it's hurting you and seems to be doing more harm than good. You are stuck watching from the outside, liking her while she dates someone else. Not someplace most people like to be.

One alternative to consider would be putting the friendship 100% ON HOLD until you've emotionally recovered and found your own GF. Probably a few years to be safe. Then, maybe, it can proceed at whatever level it will be then. The intent would NOT be to rekindle the romantic aspect, but to have a genuine friendship on more "emotionally equal" footing.

Edited October 18, 2022 by mark clemson

[zippyfibble]

Hi guys so I thought I’d give you an update on all this. 
I sent the email I’d written to her saying we couldnt meet up and I think we should stop talking. That we will always be friends but I will not reply to anything anymore as it was too hurtful at this moment. Maybe when I’ve healed a little we can reconnect.  So I sent that over a week ago. 

I got an email reply yesterday , saying she was sorry that our friendship had changed and not what she wanted. She thought we could carry on as we were. 
She then said that when I say we won’t see each other anymore it upsets her and hopes we can sort something out. 

Im not replying but she is persistent. 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, zippyfibble said:

Im not replying but she is persistent. 

Excellent. You're doing well moving out of her orbit/friendzone that she's trying to steer you to. Concentrate on your happiness and meeting new women.

[Noproblem]

I don't know.

She was clear, she wanted you as a friend and you were her friend, but when she got a boyfriend, you left her?

Was she not anymore a friend. 

I know you said you loved her, but like, what is she supposed to do?

 

here is the thing, I hate how she changed and how she didn't tell you she has a bf.. I would be pissed about that too.

but like, I don't get why are you confused, she still wants to be your friend, because she never wanted to be your girlfriend, she enjoys your friendship, yet you don't because you just want her as a lover.

 

I don't see anything she did was wrong (except the part where she didn't tell you about the new man)

 

[JTSW]

On 10/5/2022 at 5:29 PM, zippyfibble said:

So when I met up we talked about it and she said I should definitely keep texting and not to ignore her. I explained again she had a boyfriend now and she said he was an ok guy and if he had a problem with me texting and he was getting frustrated by it that was his problem.

What she is doing is not fair to both you and her BF.

She knows how you feel about her and she lacks respect for you both.

Don't meet her again, don't text again. Just block her number and socials.

If you don't make a break, you will never be able to heal and move on.

Her BF will eventually find out that his GF meets up with another guy who is in love with her.

I wouldn't be happy about that, would you?