PixieDust1909 Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 I have been married for just over a year and have been with my husband for 3 years but have know him for over 20 years In May my husband announced that he wanted to move to Australia from Europe which I agreed to and we moved in August (he moved to the US originally before we moved to Europe). My husband is definitely not the easiest person but I fell in love with him knowing the above i am MISERABLE in Australia…. I really dislike many things including my lack of independence, the visa process, the job search, where we live and my neighbour. I feel like I am the one constantly compromising and if I say anything I am being negative . My husband is away this week with his new job so I am alone. I think to make everything worse I had a terrible interview yesterday, my next door neighbour starting banging on my door at 11pm because I was talking too loudly on the phone (very frightening to have someone do this) and I was in tears until I finally fell asleep an hour or so later. This morning my husband texted me to say he’d call at lunch which he didn’t (he is a terrible communicator and pretty thoughtless) it’s pouring rain so I am in this house wondering what am I going to do so I gave up and came to bed ! I feel so very alone and just can’t see anything positive atm … I gave up everything twice for him (I have left 2 jobs) for what exactly ??? Trying to talk to him ( I did this twice already and he shrugs it off telling me to be happy and not be negative) Thanks for listening ! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 2 hours ago, PixieDust1909 said: I have been married for just over a year and have been with my husband for 3 years i am MISERABLE in Australia… Can you move back home and get the marriage annulled? It only a year and you're miserable. There's no need to trapse around the world for someone unless that's your dream too. Is this an arranged marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, PixieDust1909 said: i am MISERABLE in Australia…. I really dislike many things including my lack of independence, the visa process, the job search, where we live and my neighbour. I feel like I am the one constantly compromising and if I say anything I am being negative . My husband is away this week with his new job so I am alone. I think to make everything worse I had a terrible interview yesterday, my next door neighbour starting banging on my door at 11pm because I was talking too loudly on the phone (very frightening to have someone do this) and I was in tears until I finally fell asleep an hour or so later. This morning my husband texted me to say he’d call at lunch which he didn’t (he is a terrible communicator and pretty thoughtless) it’s pouring rain so I am in this house wondering what am I going to do so I gave up and came to bed ! What I see has more to do with your lack of independence and less to do with your marriage. Keep trying with the job applications. It’s also a good idea to call and thank them or ask for feedback on the interview. Email works as well. Is it the only job you’ve applied for or were there other interviews? Go through each interview and think about where things might have gone wrong or where you can improve. Are you overqualified? Underqualified? Missing out on industries or sectors you never thought of? How are you selling yourself or translating different skills from previous jobs in your resume or during an interview? Are you outdated or aren’t aware of other potential candidates’ profiles? Who are your competitors? Keep moving and thinking ahead about these employers want. Once you’re more financially stable or have your own income you’ll have other things to focus on and goals, irrespective of the marriage. Travel, join some hobby groups, get involved in the community. I’m sorry about that neighbour. Make peace and try to repair that relationship. It makes a world of difference having good relationships with your neighbours. Your home is a refuge and it’s not always handed to you. If you aren’t intending to leave your husband and fly back and this was mostly a vent, think this through a bit more. Edited October 5, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 (edited) The two options I can see for you is you move back home and get your marriage annulled and move on or to endure the adjustment process and keep building something for yourself as hard as it is. I'll talk about the latter. Right now, life sucks because your basic needs aren't being met. You don't know anyone and your not making an income so you are limited and are dependent on your husband. Everything is new and unfamiliar and uncomfortable and your confidence is low and your husband is the reason so your resent him for it. Your feelings about him and life may change if you are able to find a job you can stomach and also build a schedule for yourself where you know what the plan is for tomorrow. As you a life for yourself, you'll have less time to think about these other things and you may find your resentment subsiding. Your only way out in through so I would keep on applying for work. There are probably public organizations that may help you get a job and get started. They may have support workers that can point you in the right direction and also be a reference for your job applications. You just need to land something first. Additionally, I'd budget some time out of the day to get out of the house just for leisure and exercise, even if it's as simple as going for a walk. Edited October 9, 2022 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
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