Stuckguy172 Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 Hey all, A few week ago my ex-gf broke up with me in order to work on her mental health. She said it was a very difficult decision to make and she said that she hopes we can work it out together in the future but for now, she needs time and space, and all the energy and love she spent on us should be spent on her. I still have a glimmer of hope, as i truly believe she is telling me the truth. Is it realistic to wait for this or should i start to move on right away? I'd love to give it another try as i love her (and she said she still loves me too) and i've already reflected on my own flaws. I truly believe she is the one. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 53 minutes ago, Stuckguy172 said: A few week ago my ex-gf broke up with me in order to work on her mental health. Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? How old is she? Unfortunately, "working on my mental health" is the new popular exit reason. Sadly whatever someone chooses, whether it's needs space or working on myself etc, it's the same end result. She doesn't want to hurt you but don't let the "let's stay friends" thing give you false hope. Go no contact. Not as a tool to get her back, but to regroup and reflect on how nonsensical her explanation is. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 Do exactly as she says she is doing - turn your focus on yourself, including thinking about what will make you happy in the long term. She didn't give you any timetable for the space, just hopefully you can work it out "in the future". Don't keep yourself in limbo, holding on to hope. If it's been a few weeks and she hasn't reached out, work hard on accepting it's over. Holding on will only keep you sad and unhappy longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuckguy172 Posted October 7, 2022 Author Share Posted October 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Stuckguy172 said: Hey all, A few week ago my ex-gf broke up with me in order to work on her mental health. She said it was a very difficult decision to make and she said that she hopes we can work it out together in the future but for now, she needs time and space, and all the energy and love she spent on us should be spent on her. I still have a glimmer of hope, as i truly believe she is telling me the truth. Is it realistic to wait for this or should i start to move on right away? I'd love to give it another try as i love her (and she said she still loves me too) and i've already reflected on my own flaws. I truly believe she is the one. 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? How old is she? Unfortunately, "working on my mental health" is the new popular exit reason. Sadly whatever someone chooses, whether it's needs space or working on myself etc, it's the same end result. She doesn't want to hurt you but don't let the "let's stay friends" thing give you false hope. Go no contact. Not as a tool to get her back, but to regroup and reflect on how nonsensical her explanation is. We were dating for a year and a half, she is 20. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 I’d consider this over. Realistically, you’re likely not going to jump lock, stock and barrel into a new relationship, are you? It’s sadness, anxiety, feeling withdrawal and loneliness that may be making you feel panicked or as if there’s anything to resolve here or fix. You can’t fix her and waiting is no guarantee that she’ll be interested in a relationship with you again. She may be well and still not choose to date you. Be good to yourself, take a time out, don’t stay stuck in limbo. Be grounded with yourself, focus on other things you need to get done and let time do the healing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 It is more likely that you will both move on, OP. I would operate under the assumption that this is over for good. Maybe you two will meet again someday, but the chances are greater that you will heal and find happiness with someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuckguy172 Posted October 10, 2022 Author Share Posted October 10, 2022 On 10/7/2022 at 11:04 PM, glows said: I’d consider this over. Realistically, you’re likely not going to jump lock, stock and barrel into a new relationship, are you? It’s sadness, anxiety, feeling withdrawal and loneliness that may be making you feel panicked or as if there’s anything to resolve here or fix. You can’t fix her and waiting is no guarantee that she’ll be interested in a relationship with you again. She may be well and still not choose to date you. Be good to yourself, take a time out, don’t stay stuck in limbo. Be grounded with yourself, focus on other things you need to get done and let time do the healing. Its hard, i just heard yesterday from a mutual friend that she regret her decision but she needs the time. She also told the friend that she hopes we can still be together in the future. Makes it hard to leave limbo 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 I'm sure she regrets hurting you, but that doesn't mean there's anything to hang on to unless and until she contacts you to say she wants to get back together. I know that's harsh, but keeping yourself on hold and waiting for her is harsher in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 2 hours ago, Stuckguy172 said: just heard yesterday from a mutual friend that she regret her decision but she needs the time. She also told the friend that she hopes we can still be together in the future. Try not to listen to third party gossip and speculation. Ending a relationship is not limbo. Limbo is the hope that you'll get back together. Unfortunately she overdid it with the let you down easy approach so much so that she's giving you this false hope. However people don't just walk away to "work on themselves", they walk away to end the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 5 hours ago, Stuckguy172 said: Its hard, i just heard yesterday from a mutual friend that she regret her decision but she needs the time. She also told the friend that she hopes we can still be together in the future. Makes it hard to leave limbo 😕 And do you believe that? A passing comment from someone else about what was said by your ex? This person ended the relationship and started the process of moving on without you. Due to some reason or other she felt it justified to break your heart and end things. Why believe so easily that anything she says is worth your while? Regardless of what she thinks or feels she did go through the trouble of ending things. Whether she’s well or needs to work on herself believe that it’s over. Don’t stick around waiting for someone to change their mind or be fickle about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuckguy172 Posted October 10, 2022 Author Share Posted October 10, 2022 11 minutes ago, glows said: And do you believe that? A passing comment from someone else about what was said by your ex? This person ended the relationship and started the process of moving on without you. Due to some reason or other she felt it justified to break your heart and end things. Why believe so easily that anything she says is worth your while? Regardless of what she thinks or feels she did go through the trouble of ending things. Whether she’s well or needs to work on herself believe that it’s over. Don’t stick around waiting for someone to change their mind or be fickle about you. I do in a way, even though i shouldn't since its making me keep the hope alive. She was very sad when she broke up and she told me too she'd hope that we can be together in the future. She takes comments too personal and she said she needs time alone to work on that since it's not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Stuckguy172 said: I do in a way, even though i shouldn't since its making me keep the hope alive. She was very sad when she broke up and she told me too she'd hope that we can be together in the future. She takes comments too personal and she said she needs time alone to work on that since it's not healthy. Do you mind me asking what comments hurt her? Was it something you said? What was the context as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuckguy172 Posted October 10, 2022 Author Share Posted October 10, 2022 Just now, glows said: Do you mind me asking what comments hurt her? Was it something you said? What was the context as well? Whenever i told her that i did not like something that she did to me, the communicating part. I never tried to start a conflict or whatsoever and told it as neutral as can be. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Stuckguy172 said: Whenever i told her that i did not like something that she did to me, the communicating part. I never tried to start a conflict or whatsoever and told it as neutral as can be. So you both hurt one another and she doesn’t feel comfortable in the relationship. You can’t have a relationship without clear/open communication. I’m assuming you were thoughtful and tactful in the way you spoke with her. When there are increasing arguments or disagreements it’s best to process them. This is still fresh so give yourself more time for the break up to sink in and realize what it means. You both may not have been compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuckguy172 Posted October 10, 2022 Author Share Posted October 10, 2022 1 minute ago, glows said: So you both hurt one another and she doesn’t feel comfortable in the relationship. You can’t have a relationship without clear/open communication. I’m assuming you were thoughtful and tactful in the way you spoke with her. When there are increasing arguments or disagreements it’s best to process them. This is still fresh so give yourself more time for the break up to sink in and realize what it means. You both may not have been compatible. We worked on the communicating part and sometimes it did work both ways, but she took it personal from my side (or so she said). We had a good relationship with the positives outweighing the negatives. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 I would think it’s difficult not to take things personally. It doesn’t get much more personal than your romantic partner telling you they don’t like things you’ve done. What were some of the things she did that you didn’t like? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuckguy172 Posted October 10, 2022 Author Share Posted October 10, 2022 Just now, glows said: I would think it’s difficult not to take things personally. It doesn’t get much more personal than your romantic partner telling you they don’t like things you’ve done. What were some of the things she did that you didn’t like? Ignoring me while she was online multiple times, also after i told her i felt sad, asking her to check up with me first before she arranged a meeting with a guy friend. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 I’m getting the sense here that you felt neglected? Is this true? Was this guy friend someone she’s dated in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuckguy172 Posted October 10, 2022 Author Share Posted October 10, 2022 Just now, glows said: I’m getting the sense here that you felt neglected? Is this true? Was this guy friend someone she’s dated in the past? No, but i did feel neglected. She did end up meeting him, told me nothing happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 7 minutes ago, Stuckguy172 said: Ignoring me while she was online multiple times, also after i told her i felt sad, asking her to check up with me first before she arranged a meeting with a guy friend. Sorry to say but it sounds like she ended things because you have a tendency to be controlling and possessive so she use a classic "it's me not you" to end it which was wise on her part. Focus on your tendencies and controlling nature including claiming that "she did [something] to you" as if your a victim and she's a perpetrator for not running everything by you or explaining her actions to you. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 My thoughts are if two people are to remain together it takes two pulling the weight and making sure each other is heard, feelings validated and your values and thoughts would be aligned. Communication shouldn’t be so tough because there’s a real interest in bridging any gaps. I don’t get the feeling that she tried to do that with you because you both just weren’t compatible to start. She let you go because she may also have been tired of disappointing you or disagreed with what you asked. There was a great rift between the both of you when she broke up with you. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 (edited) Op , if there is any substance at alllll, in the feelings you talk about , hth would you even move on so soon anyway ? lf they are real it'd be a yr or yrs , l don't think you really know what real feelings are even asking and your mistaken about the ones you "say" , you have. Waiting, again if your feelings were even close to what you say ,you'd need 6 or 12mths min anyway and if she is real she could well mend and want to continue in that time, while your supposedly healing yourself. What do you wanna do go from the supposed love of your life to meeting new women next wk? Hope, up to you, you'll prob be out with new ones next wk anyway. Edited October 14, 2022 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 (edited) Op , apologies on that last post, a bit harsh meant to edit but missed it. TBH though your later posts are sounding a bit more, well, but she's actually sounding a bit less. This stuff depends on many things though,details , cause and effects over reacting tit for tat maybe on her part, it's hard to say like this sounds like there's a mix in there though and prob just incompatible really. Buttttt, lf you do feel as you say and think you two could work it out , wouldn't surprise me if with some time she wanted to try. Edited October 14, 2022 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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