Hannah1312 Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now and for the last couple of months I have initiated sex with him and yes sometimes thats okay but I feel like we both should instead of one person. It’s getting really old feeling like I’m the only person that cares to have sex and every time I bring it up to him he just says I know I need to start initiating it and putting in more effort but he hasn’t yet I’m still the only one that does I honestly don’t know what to do anymore…. Any tips??? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Hannah1312 said: every time I bring it up to him he just says I know I need to start initiating it and putting in more effort but he hasn’t yet What reason does he provide to explain why he can’t be bothered to initiate sex? Edited October 9, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hannah1312 Posted October 9, 2022 Author Share Posted October 9, 2022 I ask why but he just says i don’t know then he says he will start trying but never does and I don’t understand it honestly:( Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Hannah1312 said: I ask why but he just says i don’t know then he says he will start trying but never does and I don’t understand it honestly:( What happens if you don’t initiate sex? Is there just - no sex? ETA - is he depressed or does he have any other health problems that would affect his sex drive? Is he stressed at work? Can you think of any reason why he would not want sex? Edited October 9, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hannah1312 Posted October 9, 2022 Author Share Posted October 9, 2022 3 minutes ago, BaileyB said: What happens if you don’t initiate sex? Is there just - no sex? ETA - is he depressed or does he have any other health problems that would affect his sex drive? Is he stressed at work? Can you think of any reason why he would not want sex? If I don’t initiate there’s no sex at all! He just got put on anxiety medicine a couple of months ago so that could be the cause but If I initiate he’s right into it but I don’t wanna be the only one initiating it. I feel like relationships should be 50/50 and I know some days are bad and we need to pick up each other slack but I don’t wanna constantly have to initiate something 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 (edited) The meds could be affecting his sex drive - for that matter, the anxiety could be affecting his interest in sex. How frequent was his desire for sex pre-medication and how much has it changed? I don’t blame you one bit, I would be very frustrated to be in relationship with a man who never initiated sex. The whole - “I know I need to do better but I just can’t be bothered…” response would be very annoying… How old are you both? Edited October 9, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hannah1312 Posted October 9, 2022 Author Share Posted October 9, 2022 6 minutes ago, BaileyB said: The meds could be affecting his sex drive - for that matter, the anxiety could be affecting his interest in sex. How frequent was his desire for sex pre-medication and how much has it changed? I don’t blame you one bit, I would be very frustrated to be in relationship with a man who never initiated sex. The whole - “I know I need to do better but I just can’t be bothered…” response would be very annoying… How old are you both? He says he has a good sex drive so I hope he’s not lying but I don’t understand like okay if you have a sex drive then why don’t you initiate anything it’s been like this for a while I don’t know if he’s just got use to me initiating everything or if he just thinks it’s easier for me to just do it but I mean eventually im gonna get tired of being the only one putting in the effort and I’m 21 and he’s 23 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 (edited) I’m sorry Hannah, but he doesn’t have much of a sex drive at all if he’s not initiating and there is no sex when you don’t put in the effort. The fact that he is not bothered when there is no sex is a huge thing. I think you need to decide how long you are going to continue this way before leaving this relationship. You want a man who wants and enjoys sex with you. I would assume that this is your first serious relationship - perhaps the thing that will make him understand how serious you are is when you tell him that you are leaving… I’m sorry. Edited October 9, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hannah1312 Posted October 9, 2022 Author Share Posted October 9, 2022 8 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I’m sorry Hannah, but he doesn’t have much of a sex drive at all if he’s not initiating and there is no sex when you don’t put in the effort. The fact that he is not bothered when there is no sex is a huge thing. I think you need to decide how long you are going to continue this way before leaving this relationship. You are far too young to be in a sexless relationship. I would assume that this is your first serious relationship - perhaps the thing that will make him understand how serious you are is when you tell him that you are leaving… I’m sorry. Do you think it will ever change like we’ve had way more serious issues then this and we’ve worked through them but I can only do so much. I want us to fix it cause he is the love of my life and he’s been here for me when I needed someone the most but I need him to realize that something needs to change. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 1 minute ago, Hannah1312 said: I need him to realize that something needs to change. Exactly. There is only so much you can do because at the end of the day, he needs to change his behavior. You can encourage him to deal with his mental health issues, go for counselling and eventually get off the medication. But, this is something that he needs to figure out. Otherwise, the only thing you can do is tell him how you are feeling and what you want for your relationship. And then, I would set a timeline of how long I am willing to wait to see if there is a change. Only time will tell if he will change. I hope it works out for you Hannah. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 2 hours ago, Hannah1312 said: im gonna get tired of being the only one putting in the effort and I’m 21 and he’s 23 Sorry this is happening. Do you live together? It seems like he's getting lazy complacent and tired of the relationship. Stop initiating and stop talking at him or pleading or begging for sex. Instead step way back. Be mysterious. Be very busy. He's taking you for granted, but you seem to be panicking that he's losing interest or cheating. When did he start getting lazy and losing interest? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 5 hours ago, Hannah1312 said: Do you think it will ever change like we’ve had way more serious issues then this and we’ve worked through them but I can only do so much. I want us to fix it cause he is the love of my life and he’s been here for me when I needed someone the most but I need him to realize that something needs to change. Before I add my thoughts to this, what other serious issues have come up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 Go online and research the medication he is taking to see if it is the cause of the change in his behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
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