Confusedagain72 Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 This is not my first rodeo when it comes to long distance relationships, this time I thought it would different, well it’s not 14 months in. Let’s start from the beginning, met on Facebook dating, she’s 3 hours away. My profile stated I was not willing to move and seeking someone that would. Got to talking she said she had a adult son, I thought great, her kids are all grown up not having to relocate kiddos which I learned roots a woman to a area for school, that’s understandable. From the start I been wanting a plan, and still today she has no plan, dances around the topic like it’s a hot potato. She has 2 jobs, she works hard, the one job is working at her dads business, she feels obligated to run it until he hangs it up, that could be years. She tries to stop in a few nights a month, have fun weekend and this gives her son time to party and be with his friends. We are no secret on Facebook always sharing adventures together when we are together. I am just seeing no progress, I cleared the house out to make room for a potential mate, and she has yet to make herself at home, other than couple washcloths, toothpaste, brush, hair dryer and a few other things. Started a new sink project, wanted her to be part of it, I didn’t do this for me, started this for her, wanted her to be part of it and more roomier countertop. She was talking about getting a new bed for her place, I instantly thought she has no plan of going anywhere. I don’t know, she invests a lot of time and money into this, why would she if she didn’t have a plan? Im 50, she’s upper 40’s Lets hear your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 50 minutes ago, Confusedagain72 said: 14 months in. 3 hours away. I was not willing to move and seeking someone that would. I cleared the house out to make room for a potential mate, and she has yet to make herself at home, other than couple washcloths, toothpaste, brush, hair dryer and a few other things. Unfortunately you are planning by yourself. She is not on board with leaving her job, kids and area. It's that simple. LDRs have built in problems from loneliness, to the distance making getting to know each other difficult to expecting someone to move. Date locally to avoid all these pitfalls, but try to be more flexible in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 (edited) I suggest having an open conversation since you have been dating over a year and let her know that you want to share your life with someone but you’ll need to know whether you’re both on the same page. Someone who isn’t willing to have those tough conversations isn’t as invested as you are. Edited October 9, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 You definitely need to have an open honest conversation with her. You cant assume she wants the same things as you: new sink in your place, giving up 2 jobs, her house, leaving adult sun behind… a year long distance relationship is probably not enough time for most people to move in together Assumptikns are relationship killers. Talk with her. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 It sounds like you and her are not on the same page. You are trying to make plans but she isn't on board with those plans. She's fine the way things are. Stop moving ahead with these plans of yours when it's clear she doesn't have the same expectations that you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 Why are you only doing long distance relationships? Break up with this woman, and date women that are local to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 (edited) I'm going to guess that the reason you're not prepared to move is because you have strong ties to where you live. Same goes for her...and I bet her ties will strengthen even more when grandbabies appear. If you're going to renovate, do it for yourself or to improve the value of your home. But she's not coming to you anytime soon....if at all Edited October 10, 2022 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedagain72 Posted October 10, 2022 Author Share Posted October 10, 2022 14 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm going to guess that the reason you're not prepared to move is because you have strong ties to where you live. Same goes for her...and I bet her ties will strengthen even more when grandbabies appear. If you're going to renovate, do it for yourself or to improve the value of your home. But she's not coming to you anytime soon....if at all Most of my family all moved out of state. been here since 1995, way to much blood and sweat put into this property, I’m not going nowhere, takes years to start over a orchard. I am not going to put much more efforts into this, it’s just not going anywhere, total dead end relationship. For piece of mind I wanted to hear from others, she is extremely hurt by this right now, but why continue if no plan for future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 Do you need her around you all the time? the distance gives you your own space and time to pursue single pursuits and do your own thing? You can enjoy the best of both worlds with current arrangement? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 You and she are clearly not on the same page. You keep trying to fit her into your home, but I don't see where she's given you any indication that she wants to move in with you. Don't be planning things like remodelling sink/counter-top for her without her explicit agreement that this is what she also wants because she intends to move in. If you two have talked and there's no real timeline on when you might close the distance, it's time to move on. You don't want the same things. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, Confusedagain72 said: way to much blood and sweat put into this property, I’m not going nowhere, takes years to start over a orchard. That's fine but you need to find someone who eventually is interested in this situation. Not long shots like long distance. Especially avoid anyone who seems to just want a quaint free BnB experience for the weekends. Which this woman seems to have been interested in. Edited October 11, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 She is clearly not ready to move into your house, she may never want to leave her home and her life. Time to find someone local to date if that’s what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedagain72 Posted October 11, 2022 Author Share Posted October 11, 2022 7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: You and she are clearly not on the same page. You keep trying to fit her into your home, but I don't see where she's given you any indication that she wants to move in with you. Don't be planning things like remodelling sink/counter-top for her without her explicit agreement that this is what she also wants because she intends to move in. If you two have talked and there's no real timeline on when you might close the distance, it's time to move on. You don't want the same things. Sounds silly about a sink I know, built sink base out of pallets believe it or not, turned out beautiful, she stained it, got the pulls and handles she liked, she drove 50 miles to get the glass backsplash she wanted. Was a fun project together, she referred to it as “our sink”. She’s hurting, after a day of silence, this morning she sends a message “I love you, guess I always will, sorry I couldn’t give you more”. I just don’t get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 36 minutes ago, Confusedagain72 said: Was a fun project together, she referred to it as “our sink”. she sends a message “I love you, guess I always will, sorry I couldn’t give you more”. I just don’t get it. Home projects are for when you already live together not while you're dating. At least she was honest and bowed out. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 23 hours ago, Confusedagain72 said: I am not going to put much more efforts into this, it’s just not going anywhere, total dead end relationship. For piece of mind I wanted to hear from others, she is extremely hurt by this right now, but why continue if no plan for future. Did you ask her to move or discuss the reason for ending it? A few of us mentioned having an open discussion. I agree it’s best to go your separate ways if you’re not seeing an end to the distance situation. I’m confused why she would want to continue that. Was that what she wanted? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 (edited) Sounds like a very cool sink and bench op but sorry to say , l agree with the others she just isn't on the same planet right now. Best thing to do is talk about all this stuff together and figure out where things are going if they are. Let us know how it goes. Edited October 15, 2022 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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