Confused

[Stacey]

I don't know if I should move in with my boyfriend. He lives in another state. He told me that the decision is entirely up to me, whatever I want to do, he agrees to it. In a way his free spirited answer bothers me since it is such a major decision affecting both our lives. I am not financially independant to move on my own. If I stay in my state and make a living, it may take at least 6 months-1 year, for me to be able to move to his state. I miss him so much and all I want to do is be with him. Our longdistance relationship is painful. I feel that if I don't move our relationship will eventially end. I am not sure what I should do in this situation. Inside I feel as though my decision to stay home is already breaking up with him. My mother as well as my friends parents disapprove of this situation, partially due to the fact that he is not my husband. My boyfriend's mother diapproves of me, she is very protective of her son, and irrational at times. If I move in with him, it may be kept a secret from his mother. My mother feels that I shouldn't move in with him if I am going to feel uncomfortable and if I may have to even avoid answering the phone if it is his mother. Regardless of my elders opinions, I am an adult and free to choose but, not having their consent makes me unhappy and scared. I love him so much! My heart longs to be with him. Please help me make a sound decision.

[Tony T]

I don't feel good about your boyfriend's lack of enthusiasm for your move to where he's at. I don't feel good that you will be financially reliant upon him and some financial matters may be left dangling if you move. I don't feel good about the lack of support from your family, although if you move they'll just have to get used to it.

 

I don't feel good that your boyfriend's mother doesn't like you and you will have to keep your living situation a secret because she will surely find out in time...and that could create even more friction between the two of you.

 

As it stacks up in my own personal book, I think you ought to stay put, save your money, and give this more consideration. If your boyfriend gets more excited about you moving to be with him and your finances improve so you will be a bit more solvent for the move, then go for it.

 

You are right. You are an adult and what the others think doesn't really matter...except your boyfriend's relatives can influence him greatly and ultimately cause damage to the relationship.

 

Right this minute, except for the fact that you miss your guy, there are lots of factors that point to you needing to stay where you are for now.

 

But the decision is yours. The best thing about life is, short of death, we can always recover when we make mistakes...no matter how bad they are.