whereismylifegoing Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 ok ok heres the update..............i have been avoiding my ex because she dumped me like 4 months ago and things have sucked. i had done my best to avoid her again, then she showed up at places where i have been. now she called me today crying her eyes out. i normally wouldn't pick up the phone, but she called me four times in a row. so i thought it must be important (c'mon four times in a row!) and she was crying!!!!!! i'm thinking omg this is it! her attempt at being single has failed......but no. she said "i miss you so much" and "i miss all the little things that we did together". "i want to be your friend and i don't want you out of my life." i told her all or nothing and she still doesn't listen......am i getting a sign here or should i just wait this one out again and see whats unfolding. she says she wants to hang out, hasn't slept with anybody, isn't dating anybody, and thinks about me all the time. every time she sneaks into my head, i go into a full circle. any womanly advice would be great right about now.........i think she is trying to say something but i'm not sure. i told her being her friend will suck if she starts dating other people. oh by the way.......i got some closure from our relationship.......she says i started to get lazy and things got a little boring for both of us..........she says i showed no affection or nothing........but she still cares about me enough to ball her eyes out?.......now she is confusing me. do you's think i should hang out with her to show her the new me or say f*** it and let her wonder about the new me considering why we broke up...... i hope all this $hit ends soon...... J DUB WHERE ARE YOU? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Welcome to the friend zone... Link to post Share on other sites
brittanyjean259 Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 hmmmmmm if she didnt " except you than" why except you now?...you shouldent have to change because of her....you should see if she has changed...as much as you have...and if she has...and you can trust her than go for it... but be careful, she might pull this" break up thing again...and you dont need that... take it very very slow....do things differenlty this time...alot different..it might do some good ...and im sure your not boring you just got a little bit to comfortable with the relationship...that happens Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 shes out setting her bear..i mean friend..traps. All or nothing baby, stick to ur guns. Some people seem to think that crying is a definite indicator of true emotions but it's so not true. I cry about everything when I'm PMSing, even kodak commercials w/ sentimental messages make me bawl like an idiot. Dont be a sucker dude. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 ^^what J Dub said. This whole "friend" business is a trap. Don't get sucked into it. All or nothing. My, J Dub has a sexy back, doesn't she? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 nothing.. Give her nothing.. if you get all.. it will only be for a short while till she finds the "real" guy that trips her trigger.. When she does find him you will be out the door holding your pud in your hand wondering what hit you .. Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Art, you are wise in the ways of the issue filled, flaky, indecisive, immature woman. I agree with you completely. After my ex woman broke up with me, she asked if we could be friends and I emphatically said no. She cried like a new born baby, but still had no interest in me romantically. She deserves nothing, do nothing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 26, 2005 Author Share Posted October 26, 2005 so how is one supposed to be attracted to the one they dumped if somebody can't show her the reasons why things have changed........i know what happened and i'm not a lazy person anymore and i'm more active than ever.......how is she supposed to see these if i don't show her........i totally agree with the NC but i have been doing that and all i get is an attitude every time i talk to her (when she finds me) i'm doing NC for the wrong reasons i think .......i'm over the NC point of healing but i still love this girl and i don't think that anything is going to change that........mabey i'll just stay on a friendly level and not really talk to her or hang out with her........i'm such a hopeless romantic. somebody give me a gun so i can shoot myself. i want to have her again but i guess moving on will help with that.......or will it. it really sounds to me like she still hasn't figured out what she wants, but wants to make sure i'm there for her. i really wish i had a tape recorder so people could listen to the conversation..... anybody else want to yell at me? please do.............. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 i really wish i had a tape recorder so people could listen to the conversation..... I'd rather not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 26, 2005 Author Share Posted October 26, 2005 okay mabey we shouldn't use a tape recorder but you get what i'm saying..... i guess nobody wants to agree with me here.....i guess back to NC.... Link to post Share on other sites
Still_In_Love Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Hey Pal, I was dumped almost 2 months ago by the woman I thought was going to be there for the rest of my life. She broke my heart big time! I treated her as a queen. I would have done anything to make her happy!She told me she loved me more than anything in the morning and dumped me that night without warning. If you want to listen to people who know...listen to the people who are responding to you. I tried NC and my ex called me almost everyday...it hurt and it still hurts! As Art told me...being her friend will eventually rip your heart out. NC is done for many reasons, but the main reason is for you to heal. I empathize with you. A week ago, if my ex would have cried to me as yours is doing, I would have found a way to angle things so I could win her back...Now, I would love for her to call me and cry so I could smile, tell her I love her, I miss her, but I'm not second best and I respect myself more today than any other time in my life. Move on. I did thanks to the advise given to me by people here who have been there, as well as spending alot of time praying for what is best for me, not the relationship! I never thought I would be even able to smile again because I have never loved anyone as much as I love my ex... but I found out that I need to love myself first and respect myself first! Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 >i'm such a hopeless romantic. In the context you used this phrase, I'd have to disagree. You sound like youre clinging to every possible effort you can conjure up for reasons to try to make it work with your ex. The sooner you break thru the barrier of realizing its best for YOU to move on, the sooner you'll be in a much better place. Still in love only took a week to start to see more clearly, that should be inspiration enough to knock it off with the answering phone calls from this broad and move the hell on to better things. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 1st: dont be the one to call her ever!!! 2nd: when she does call, tell her you cant talk and you are late to the ____. if you really arent on the way to anywhere then say: gym. and then go to the gym and lift (it will help you in every aspect of your life, i promise. 3rd. do not tell her that it is all or nothing anymore, that lets her know that you are willing and want to go out with her again! tell her that if she ever needs anything that is an emergency, and if not , then it is best not to call me because i am nobodys second best (well said by someone above!) if she wants you badly enough, she will call and say that she f ed up and then you will have a decision. 4th. go out with friends and get yourself in order and she will hear about/ see/ or at least wonder to herself that you are doing great and are a happy man and do not tell her you are on loveshac....no explanation needed there i hope Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 26, 2005 Author Share Posted October 26, 2005 i'm not second best to anything. she's hasn't been dating anybody. i already used that line yesterday:confused: . this is the strangest situation i have been in i guess i'm going to NC again....................................................................i'm telling you people it sounds like her walls are tumbling down. literally. i have been doing everything everybody has been saying here. and i am finally haveing fun for myself. i am healed seriously and i don't expect much from her. but your right no friends. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Ah the withdrawl syndrome.... She is going through withdrawls man. The loneliness is kicking in. She is getting bored because she doesn't have much activity going on in her life right now and she is reliving the events you two did together and she is missing the companionship.. I have done this many times. I know the signs.. You will be in the "Friends" zone with benefits. She will ditch you when a guy she fancies comes along. She is feeling withdrawls and loneliness is kicking in. She wants the fix. Everything you have said about her sounds like I use to be and I didnt even know what I was doing till a dear friend of mine told me to "knock it off" and quite playing games with "this" guy. She told me I was using him and I needed to get a gripe with myself and learn to accept being alone instead of trying to find a guy to fill it.. Stay strong. Keep your eyes and mind open so you can see her games. Women love company. We don't like being alone. She needs to get a girlfriend to do things with!! Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 I hear where you are at emotionally cos im right there too. im further down the line than you because It has been 11 months since we broke up but the situation is similar. Only we truly know the dynamics of our own situations but we should pay heed to the advice being posted on this site. I for one have learned so much about myself in the 11 months apart. My life has changed dramatically in all aspects and it has been a very difficult journey. However, sitting here now I know that I have emerged a stronger and wiser person than I was 11 months ago, not just in what I want from a partner but in so many aspects of my life. Of course I am looking forwards to seeing my ex next month but because i have become a more rounded person i expect nothing and if nothing happens I know that my value will appeal to someone else at some point. In other words if she doesn't want it then there will be plenty of others who will. Whats more I dont need to say this to my ex because she will see it in everything that I do, the way I carry myself and conduct myself. Unless she is completely stupid she will know that i am a better man. What do I care, at last my appetite to meet new and exciting people has returned and I am looking forwards to that. I tend to think you are in a similar place too, but, dont dwell on this, keep moving in the direction that you know to be right and healthy. Just chill, and try and get into this mode of her having to step up to the mark or piss off. Dont worry, she'll figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
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