My boyfriend won't talk to me

[BaileyB]

5 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

Is it too much I’m asking for ? I just want to see him more regularly and want to speak to him in uni and I don’t care if someone will see us or speak about us cause I really don’t care.

These are the normal expectations of every single person in a relationship - that they would spend time with their partner and that their partner would proudly introduce them to the world (family, friends, other students). You really have to wonder why he is trying to “hide” you? My guess is that there is someone else or he is playing the field and dating around…

5 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

And the feeling of being completely ignored feels so shitty.

Yes, which begs the question - why do you stay? 

5 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

I texted him that I feel like we are talking away from each other and that I feel like that he doesn’t understand my feelings and the problems. He just wrote good morning with an heart and that he understands me the best.

He completely dismissed you and attempted to placate you by telling that “he knows you best.” Does he think this is going to appease you when you are unhappy - he can just throw out a vague compliment (complimenting himself!) or some vague reassurance and you are going to forget the fact that your “boyfriend” doesn’t want to spend time with you or care about your feelings? Please prove him wrong. What arrogance for him to do this. 
 

Edited October 14, 2022 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

23 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

he said he would kill me if we break up

Wait - what?

[NuevoYorko]

Yes, you are asking too much.  You're in a relationship with an abusive person (will kill you if you break up), who gives you nothing, treats you terribly if he acknowledges you at all.   He's shown you exactly who he is and what he is offering you.   What you see is what you get - and he's already learned from you staying around that it's working for him.

[BaileyB]

On 10/13/2022 at 3:04 PM, _Bunny_ said:

But his kisses on my forehead and all the small gifts and compliments that he gives me and always talking about sour future is that really not love ?

Oh darling girl, that is not love. Those things are easy to do - any man can do that and it means nothing. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted from the fact that he is not a nice man. Everything else he does is very unloving. 

On 10/13/2022 at 3:04 PM, _Bunny_ said:

But he said he would kill me if we break up

You need to take this threat very seriously Bunny. Personally, I would report it to the police or the campus security. I also think you would benefit from the support of a counsellor. You may even want to contact a shelter or an organization hat supports women who are in relationships with abusive men - they would be able to advise you as to the seriousness of this threat. 

[_Bunny_]

After reading all your comments I realized that I’m not loved nor appreciated in this relationship anymore. I broke down today and cried for hours bc he keeps telling me I should not behave like this and that he understands me but after going through all our text messages I realized he never once answered me properly when I was insecure, sad, crying and telling him. He would brush it off with an” you have me, I love u” not even asking why. I feel so stupid for loving someone with all my heart gave him everything I had and more just to get half hearted answers and feelings back. I want all the promises we made and every memory’s we had deleted. I hate myself for loving again the wrong person. I even started to search the faults in me. I really ask myself if I’m ugly or unattractive bc he keeps me hidden even though a lot of people say that I’m pretty and friendly. I ask myself if I just wasn’t enough maybe I didn’t give him enough or maybe I was to much for him to handle cause I get insecure very easily. I really tried not to text him but he just wouldn’t get the point so I made a list to state all my problems and insecurities And sent it to him. And after reading what I wrote over and over again I realized That he will never change for me. I am just convenient and nothing more. I just want to know after stating all my problems what he has to say. Cause my head tells me it was long over between us but my heart still wants him. 

[ShyViolet]

It's seriously concerning that you thought any of this is acceptable,, that you would stay in an abusive relationship like this for as long as you have.  You need to break up with him, get a restraining order due to the fact that he literally threatened to KILL you, and then NOT date again for a long time until you do some intense therapy to work on your own issues.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

 he keeps me hidden 

Sorry this is going on.what do you mean by " he keeps you hidden"?

Research "red flags for abusive relationships" and "signs of controlling relationships". 

Since you don't live together just end it. Stating he "would to kill you" is another red flag. 

[_Bunny_]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is going on.what do you mean by " he keeps you hidden"?

After 8 months of dating, I don’t know his friends not even by name. he never talks about them, even when I asked him once when I would get to know them he would say that getting to knowing them would be useless. I don’t know his family and I think he didn’t even mention me to them. No one in uni knows we are together except my one friend in uni. He also meets me every-time outside of his city. When I spend time with him I always forget this little things but when I’m home everything starts coming up.

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, _Bunny_ said:

After 8 months of dating, I don’t know his friends not even by name. he never talks about them, even when I asked him once when I would get to know them he would say that getting to knowing them would be useless. I don’t know his family and I think he didn’t even mention me to them. No one in uni knows we are together except my one friend in uni. He also meets me every-time outside of his city. When I spend time with him I always forget this little things but when I’m home everything starts coming up.

Have you considered the idea that you are not the only woman in his life. This reads like you are the “other woman.” 

[smackie9]

Bunny this definitely looks like he has a GF at uni. It might be that other girl or could be someone else. All he has been doing is gas-lighting you. That is a form of manipulation that abusers use to deflect and confuse you. I suggest you make an appointment with the school counsellor, and report this guy. Your BF's threats might be empty but you just never know what he is capable of. He could choose to bully you through social media, etc. Next time don't date guys that make you a secret, check your phone, or love bomb you. They are dangerous.

[_Bunny_]

Thank you all for listening and replying to me. It means a lot to me but I just think I can’t do this anymore. I just want to stay in bad all day and cry. I have no friends nor do I want to tell my family what going on. I feel so sad and alone. He still ignores me even though I asked him if we could talk to find a solution. I feel like s*** can’t concentrate in uni and always holding my tears back. And he on the opposite is surrounded with girls, laughing and smiling. Like nothing is going on. I really can’t anymore I just want to disappear. I hate myself for always choosing the wrong guys.  I hate my life, me, everything.

[NuevoYorko]

11 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said:

Thank you all for listening and replying to me. It means a lot to me but I just think I can’t do this anymore. I just want to stay in bad all day and cry. I have no friends nor do I want to tell my family what going on. I feel so sad and alone. He still ignores me even though I asked him if we could talk to find a solution. I feel like s*** can’t concentrate in uni and always holding my tears back. And he on the opposite is surrounded with girls, laughing and smiling. Like nothing is going on. I really can’t anymore I just want to disappear. I hate myself for always choosing the wrong guys.  I hate my life, me, everything.

Go talk to a counselor at your school.  And find a way to develop some friendships.  You need friends and you do not need this creepy loser in your life.  

[stillafool]

On 10/14/2022 at 5:12 PM, _Bunny_ said:

but after going through all our text messages I realized he never once answered me properly when I was insecure, sad, crying and telling him. He would brush it off with an” you have me, I love u” not even asking why. I feel so stupid for loving someone with all my heart gave him everything I had and more just to get half hearted answers and feelings back. I want all the promises we made and every memory’s we had deleted.

It seems that you have expressed your feelings to him before that list and nothing has changed.  At this point Bunny you have to stop making this about him but reflect on what you have accepted from this guy that has caused you pain.  He's not going to change.  It's clear he has someone else at that Uni and that is why he was hiding you.

[_Bunny_]

We broke up. I begged him to say sorry and I would have forgiven him. But he just said I love u and goodnight. So I wrote him about all my emotions and that I want to end things, he replied with ok if you don’t want me you will never see me again and deleted my number. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, _Bunny_ said:

I wrote him about all my emotions and that I want to end things, he replied with ok if you don’t want me you will never see me again and deleted my number. 

Excellent, you had the courage to end it. He is bad news and a bad influence. Block him from all your devices, messaging apps and social media. Abusers like this can crop up just to play head games again.