ydtkhtm94 Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 Hey guys! Hope everyone is doing okay! Just seeking some advice if anyone can help. I've been in a relationship for almost 7 years. Obviously it has not been the easiest as like any relationship. Today my partner turned around to me and mentioned a girl asked him on a date where he met filling up his car and sparked up a convo when he was filling up. He said yes to her and cant understand why I'm angry? I asked did he mention he has a girlfriend or did she ask is he in a relationship and he said no. I asked could he see what he is doing wrong and how he's upsetting me and of course he said no. He mentions he's been miserable and how I never try. In my opinion, I try the hardest I can each and everyday and its obviously hard to stay motivated when you don/t see the same being reciprocated for you. My heart is in tatters because I cant believe he is going to throw away 7 years for someone he has barely spoken to? I tried to explain to him from my point of view, but Im supposedly being selfish. We have had problems in the past were he says he's not happy, but we always try and work things out. I literally don't know where I stand right now. I've removed him from social media and muted him from messaging to give myself time to breath. I feel so alone and no where to turn to. I've told him if he goes ahead with this and if it doesn't work out don't expect me to be waiting for him. My heart hurts Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 Well ... that is a crap move on his part for sure. I'm sorry. I have to believe that this is not exactly out of left field. Even when relationships are "not the easiest" this is very much NOT "like any relationship." Since he's been "miserable" and you've known it, it is probably not a complete surprise that your relationship has finally come to an end. The way he did it, though, is completely cowardly, passive-aggressive and just lame. What have you decided to do? Evidently you don't live together. How often have you been seeing each other? Are you amenable to an open relationship? Personally I hope not, at least not in this case. He basically just broke up with you, without being straightforward about it. You need to be free of this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ydtkhtm94 Posted October 15, 2022 Author Share Posted October 15, 2022 It's surprising and also not surprising as we've been in a pretty good place for quite awhile. I've decided to have very little contact with him, if I can none at all. We literally by each other sides every single day so its going to be a very adjustment for me, to go from being always there to nothing at all. No way would I like an open relationship, I know in the long run it would never work and only caused more hurt and heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 1 hour ago, ydtkhtm94 said: Obviously it has not been the easiest as like any relationship. Actually, good relationships are pretty easy. Sure, each needs to be mindful of the other, and problems need to be worked through, but it shouldn't be extremely difficult. Given that you're both pretty miserable, it's no surprise that he wants to move on. However, it was a low act not only to accept a date while still your boyfriend, but also to tell you about it. At the very least, he could have ended it with you while sparing you the information about this date. And him not understanding why you're upset is nothing short of bizarre - sounds like he has no respect for you. It is time for you both to move on and find relationships which work well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 2 hours ago, ydtkhtm94 said: It's surprising and also not surprising as we've been in a pretty good place for quite awhile. I think you need to examine your standards. If a person says they are MISERABLE in a relationship even one time, that would be a serious red flag that things are on the rocks. In your case, this has been an ongoing thing. It's not your fault but please take this to heart: Any person who would do this to someone they've been with for 7 years is not relationship material. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, ydtkhtm94 said: We have had problems in the past were he says he's not happy, but we always try and work things out. Sounds like he was indeed unhappy, perhaps more so than he let on. He certainly didn't have to go about this in quite this way, though. 4 hours ago, ydtkhtm94 said: I literally don't know where I stand right now. I've removed him from social media and muted him from messaging to give myself time to breath. I feel so alone and no where to turn to. I've told him if he goes ahead with this and if it doesn't work out don't expect me to be waiting for him. Don't cling to hope. It sounds like he's done. IF he's not, it's probably only because it didn't work out with new woman. Would you really want him "back" after that? 4 hours ago, ydtkhtm94 said: I've decided to have very little contact with him, if I can none at all. This is probably wise IMO. Remember, he has probably been contemplating leaving for a while, so while you are just now feeling this, he has (likely) had a while to emotionally process ending things. Go easy on yourself. It sounds like you may be the type who likes to be paired up with someone, but for better or worse you likely need to process the end of this emotionally for a while before moving on. Edited October 16, 2022 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 9 hours ago, ydtkhtm94 said: I tried to explain to him from my point of view When you have to explain to your own boyfriend why it's wrong to go on dates with other women... girl. GIRL. Your relationship is already over. Do the offical dumping and be done. Don't waste time with "very little contact." Just break up altogether. He doesn't love you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 I don't suppose there was break up talk before he accepted this date? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 I’d reckon he’s making up the gas station proposal to get you to do the dumping or finally leave because he is passive and may already be sleeping/seeing someone else. Or, he’s so fed up he says things to hurt you and torment you. There’s no way I’d believe any of that garbage. I know you’re in pain but stop for a moment and think about how absurd his story is. Also, check yourself for STDs and see your doctor. You’ve been up/down, it seems, in the relationship. While it’s been good it hasn’t always been that way. It’s seven years of your life to be met with story like this. Let him go and put this in the past. Hopefully you’re not living with him. I wouldn’t waste another moment on this person. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 15 hours ago, ydtkhtm94 said: I've decided to have very little contact with him, if I can none at all. We literally by each other sides every single day so its going to be a very adjustment for me, to go from being always there to nothing at all. Sorry this is happening. How old is he? Do you live together? Are there children? Is there a reason you can't leave the relationship? Unfortunately he seems to think he's single and wants out of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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