UPDATE: He ghosted me

[Ray_xx]

Good evening, I am new on here but looking for some public advice:

I am 31-year-old single women. I live in the UK but I have family who live down south which is a 6 hour drive. In September I visited my family for a week. I went on a night out (forced my self to go out not thinking I would meet somebody) anyway, I met an Italian guy and although I am English we just clicked. We danced, had wine together, kissed and swopped numbers. I think he likes me as I am blonde/blue eyed, the opposite you know! When we met I was like wow in terms of attraction and immediate chemistry. Since September, we have text every single day, which includes just general chat, flirting and few intense messages. I decided to go back down south last weekend to stay. You can imagine the whole weekend, we met each other again and he ended up staying at my apartment all weekend. We cuddled and kissed all day and just had the best time. When I saw him Saturday night, he seemed really moody and kept saying how tired he was, but I felt it was more than that and I felt he was actually annoyed he had caught feelings for me. I could tell something was wrong but he kept saying he was just tired. When I left Sunday, we kissed and he said see you soon. I know it sounds daft because I am not the type of girl to fall for anyone, but since seeing him again my heart is warm and to be quite honest, I would marry this man. Since leaving non of us have text each other as I can feel the distance and feelings bothering us both. He knows I like him a lot and he keeps signing onto whatsapp, and quickly going off when I come on (as though he is watching me and expecting me to text) what should I do? I want him to text me first as I am such a nice girl and bought loads of drinks for him at the weekend, made his coffees in the morning and just told him how much I like him. I feel he will message me but I am wanting to ask is this going to go anywhere? he lives 6 hours away and he's full Italian and will move back to Italy in 3 years. I am just lost and laughing because trust me to be the girl who falls in love with someone who lives far. Am I just going to end up hurt?!?

Edited October 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Ray_xx said:

he lives 6 hours away and he's full Italian and will move back to Italy in 3 years. I am just lost and laughing because trust me to be the girl who falls in love with someone who lives far. Am I just going to end up hurt?!?

It sounds like a fun vacation fling. When seen in that light, you won't get hurt. 

[basil67]

I'm inclined to agree that this was the tail end of a holiday fling.   

However, I'm also wondering if both of you are playing games, waiting for the other to message first.  After sex and whole weekends together, I'd say you're at the stage of texting equally. 

[chillii]

Very hard to say op but ldk why he wouldn't just be talking if he really wanted to. My ex was Italian she wouldn't hesitate but at the same time she was also very up and down, moody , touchy and cracked the shyts very easily, he's sounding very familiar. Don't mean to generalize though, he just is.

But really, we can have no idea of what's going on unless you hear from him tbh though, l'm thinking holiday flingish too.

[stillafool]

I would just back off and let nature take it's course.  It sounds like it was a lovely time and if it's meant to go further it will.  Just relax and go back to your everyday life.  Make sure to give him space and don't get angry when he doesn't text as much as you like.

[glows]

I must ask if he does anything for you, cook for you or do anything nice for you? I see he hosts you but anything else? Do you see yourself being the one to travel down all the time? You seem to be the only one commuting to see him or crossing that distance, serving him and what do you get in return? 

I ask as relationships need some balance and this seems out of balance. I’m not seeing the pull here aside from physical attraction and intimacy. It’s early days but we usually have some knowledge about whether someone is a good fit by now and you’ve spent a lot of time in person together.

Edited October 20, 2022 by glows

[NuevoYorko]

Whoa.   It sounds like you both have enjoyed your time together.  There might be more to it than that, but you're trying to read his mind about why he signs off when he sees you on WhatsApp, and talking about being in love and marriage ... I think you need to step back and see if and when he reaches out, what he has to say.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, chillii said:

 and cracked the shyts

 I nearly spat my tea out- haven't heard that expression for ages.  

Sorry....carry on

[ExpatInItaly]

On 10/17/2022 at 7:43 PM, Ray_xx said:

I would marry this man

Hold your horses, girl. You hardly know him. 

It sounds like you got caught up in the thrill of something new, but he doesn't see it the same way.  It appears this was a fun fling but he's not that keen to keep it going. 

On 10/17/2022 at 7:43 PM, Ray_xx said:

he keeps signing onto whatsapp, and quickly going off when I come on (as though he is watching me and expecting me to text)

He likely isn't watching your online status that closely so try not read into things too much. 

[Ray_xx]

I am female/31/blonde/blue eyes/single

I met an Italian guy in September on a night out (6 hours away from home) we clicked, danced, kissed and got on very well. We swopped numbers and text every single day even though I live far from him. I visited back down south 2 weeks ago to see him for the weekend. You can imagine the weekend - it was fabulous, and we ended up sleeping together. He was very affectionate and wouldn't leave my place even when I was like I have to get ready for tonight. Since returning we have text more a less every day and even on nights, he seemed tired and short, he always came back to me and made effort. On Saturday I went out with friends, and my friends were saying how beautiful I am and deserve a man who makes more effort to see me again, and not just expect me to commute for one thing. I text him saying ''I like you so much what do you want'' and he responded ''we are friends, I am here for you and I do like you but we have agreed to have fun when you are here'' At that point I blocked him and said good bye (regretfully) I tried to message him again the day after to explain I was sorry and just hurting at his response. He has not spoken a word since and ignoring me. I am so sad because he was so intimate with me and very jealous when it came to any other guys liking me. All of a sudden, he has gone, and although I blocked him, I am hurt. What should I do? do you think he will text me again or is that it?

[Ray_xx]

On 10/20/2022 at 1:35 AM, glows said:

I must ask if he does anything for you, cook for you or do anything nice for you? I see he hosts you but anything else? Do you see yourself being the one to travel down all the time? You seem to be the only one commuting to see him or crossing that distance, serving him and what do you get in return? 

I ask as relationships need some balance and this seems out of balance. I’m not seeing the pull here aside from physical attraction and intimacy. It’s early days but we usually have some knowledge about whether someone is a good fit by now and you’ve spent a lot of time in person together.

No he doesn’t do anything and has no plans to see me unless I travel. Says it all really. I have called it a day! It was all just physical and nothing else for him. I just got excited and ahead of my self. Thank you 

[Ray_xx]

On 10/20/2022 at 12:27 AM, stillafool said:

I would just back off and let nature take it's course.  It sounds like it was a lovely time and if it's meant to go further it will.  Just relax and go back to your everyday life.  Make sure to give him space and don't get angry when he doesn't text as much as you like.

Yes, I think because I don’t fall for people much and he seemed so into me in person I just got ahead of my self but I’ve called it a day as he has no intentions to travel to me. Ah well at least I experienced an Italian man ha ha. Thanks x 

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, Ray_xx said:

he responded ''we are friends, I am here for you and I do like you but we have agreed to have fun when you are here'' At that point I blocked him and said good bye 

Unfortunately he seems to have understood that you knew that it was just a fling. Let it go so you can focus on local men.

[Ray_xx]

On 10/19/2022 at 10:01 PM, chillii said:

Very hard to say op but ldk why he wouldn't just be talking if he really wanted to. My ex was Italian she wouldn't hesitate but at the same time she was also very up and down, moody , touchy and cracked the shyts very easily, he's sounding very familiar. Don't mean to generalize though, he just is.

But really, we can have no idea of what's going on unless you hear from him tbh though, l'm thinking holiday flingish too.

Yes maybe it’s their nature - just a little touchy, like chill out! Ah well!! It was an experience 

[Ray_xx]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately he seems to have understood that you knew that it was just a fling. Let it go so you can focus on local men.

Thanks - at least I got to experience an Italian ey! haha  

[basil67]

57 minutes ago, Ray_xx said:

On Saturday I went out with friends, and my friends were saying how beautiful I am and deserve a man who makes more effort to see me again, and not just expect me to commute for one thing

Your friends are being supportive friends, as they should.  But they are also describing a relationship, which is something you don't want.   By all means, continue looking for FWB, but do so with the knowledge that most of them will be just in it for the 'one thing' and that effort is generally not required in this situation.

 

[Ray_xx]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Your friends are being supportive friends, as they should.  But they are also describing a relationship, which is something you don't want.   By all means, continue looking for FWB, but do so with the knowledge that most of them will be just in it for the 'one thing' and that effort is generally not required in this situation.

 

I don’t understand? That’s like saying no women has a chance of a relationship because all men want one thing? When that’s not accurate as majority of the population are in relationships? 

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, Ray_xx said:

I don’t understand? That’s like saying no women has a chance of a relationship because all men want one thing? When that’s not accurate as majority of the population are in relationships? 

I'm sorry, I got confused with another thread.

Yes, you do have a chance at a relationship, but it would be wise to not expect a holiday fling to turn into one.  If you're looking for a relationship, start by getting to know the person.  The best way to protect yourself is to find out if they want the same thing as you before quickly catching feelings and falling into bed.   Alternately, if you do fall into bed quickly (there's no shame in that!) temper your feelings and expectations until you find out if you're both looking for the same thing. 

[shellzbellz83]

16 hours ago, Ray_xx said:

I am female/31/blonde/blue eyes/single

How is your hair/eye color relevant?

[Ray_xx]

26 minutes ago, shellzbellz83 said:

How is your hair/eye color relevant?

Good point - think I was just trying to create the story of the Italian and the blonde/blue eyed. Thanks for the question

[glows]

It’s a good idea to date locally but I’m also sensing curiosity and some stereotypes. This is a great opportunity try to explore. 

Why not travel to Italy and spend time there on your own? Go and travel and break some barriers , experience something new and try different things. See new things. It’s all part of the adventure. I don’t see why the interest is just in Italian men. It may break some stereotypes for you too if you think all of them look or tend to behave a certain way.

 

[Ray_xx]

3 hours ago, glows said:

It’s a good idea to date locally but I’m also sensing curiosity and some stereotypes. This is a great opportunity try to explore. 

Why not travel to Italy and spend time there on your own? Go and travel and break some barriers , experience something new and try different things. See new things. It’s all part of the adventure. I don’t see why the interest is just in Italian men. It may break some stereotypes for you too if you think all of them look or tend to behave a certain way.

 

This is a clever answer. You could be bang on! I think I am maybe just curious and excited because he’s Italian, rather than just looking at him as a male who makes no effort cause believe me if he was local and acted like this he wouldn’t get close. I think what bugs me is he was so physically obsessed and attracted to me and now he’s just sulking and ghosted me. Time will tell but he will come back in a month and I will be like good bye (in Italian) 

[glows]

2 hours ago, Ray_xx said:

This is a clever answer. You could be bang on! I think I am maybe just curious and excited because he’s Italian, rather than just looking at him as a male who makes no effort cause believe me if he was local and acted like this he wouldn’t get close. I think what bugs me is he was so physically obsessed and attracted to me and now he’s just sulking and ghosted me. Time will tell but he will come back in a month and I will be like good bye (in Italian) 

lol! I like your humour. You both haven’t known one another for long. It’s frustrating, yes, when someone isn’t what you thought they were or things have changed. Go travel, explore. The road doesn’t end with this guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Ray_xx said:

Good point - think I was just trying to create the story of the Italian and the blonde/blue eyed. Thanks for the question

I have lived in Italy for 10 years, OP. 

This is not so rare that it's particularly noteworthy here. It's a cosmopolitan country with people of many eye and hair colours. Please don't assume your appearance factors into this. 

[Ray_xx]

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I have lived in Italy for 10 years, OP. 

This is not so rare that it's particularly noteworthy here. It's a cosmopolitan country with people of many eye and hair colours. Please don't assume your appearance factors into this. 

I do assume that Italian men love natural blonde hair blue eyes but thanks for your energy