Get off my chest

[sjkal]

I've been with Guy 1 since before all this. With Guy 2, we were coworkers. Then we were friends and he dated Girl 2. Then we were friends with benefits (me and Guy 2). Kept in touch after we both left that job.

What I didn't know till recently was Guy 2 mentioned he wanted to be with me instead of his gf- I must not have interpreted that to be as such at the time, and I don't remember him flat out saying that.

Honestly cant say if I wouldve left Guy 1 for him then. He stayed with Girl 2 and they went on to get married (Guy 2 and Girl 2). I continued to date Guy 1. Guy 2 and I continued benefits. I then confronted Guy 2 and told him I wanted to be with him instead of Guy 1. Guy 2 said no.

Come to find out Guy 2 and Girl 2 were pregnant. Around when Guy 2 and Girl 2 had a kid we stopped benefits.  Tapered off to just being friends. I then got married to Guy 1. Had a kid shortly after w Guy 1 as did Guy 2/Girl 2 having their 2nd. Guy 2 and I continued to be friends. Guy 1 had an affair.

I was pissed since we now had a kid together. I didn't feel guilt myself since all benefits w Guy 2 were before marriage. This was different in my book. Since Guy 2 and I remained good friends he honestly was a good friend to listen (other close friends also know what happened. I didn't tell anyone else that would judge my husband and that we stayed together).

Fast forward some years. Guy 1 and I stay together, Guy 2 and I stay friends. It's slowly turned into benefits again. We talk a lot, but have hung out here and there. I was against sex since I'm married now and the guilt I'd carry. 

Its weird that I do think of Guy 2 to get myself off, but honestly Guy 1 is way better. So being w Guy 2 is just a thrill i guess? Idk but i do love that guy too. I dont even know what it is about Guy 2 that I want. I honestly don't even think we'd be good together, like we're good as friends. We love each other, but it's just different. We have a unique relationship that I can't let go.

Other things to me aren't total cheating, but sex is (for example oral sex, meh not as bad). I know I'm all over the place. But now we, after about 9 years, did it again.

So now I'm all in my feelings- but either way I always am with Guy 2. He knows I wouldn't do a lot with him because I do have Guy 1 at home. I dont want to take away from Guy 1. Guy 2 and I both know we have spouses at home, he doesn't push, we just have that sexual chemistry.

I don't know where I'm going with this like I said, and honestly don't know why in posting other than to get it off my chest- especially because I know I'm going to get my a$$ handed to me in the comments.

Guy 1 and I make things work, while he suspected something between Guy 2 and I years ago he never found anything. He's cool with us being friends. Guy 2 and I have come to it's coulda woulda shoulda years ago, but that didn't happen and we are both staying with our SO.

It sounds strange to say but loving more than one person is possible, it's just seen as wrong especially since yes, I know, our SOs think we're just good friends. But we do truly love our SOs, we just have this unique relationship with each other. Again idk why I'm posting, I don't even think I'm asking for advice since majority would say leave our SOs and be w each other, but we'd totally uproot both of our lives.

I think only way that would happen is if I end up pregnant which we don't intend to try for, nor do I think that will be a regular thing as I don't want to take away from Guy 1. Okay I'm done rambling thanks for listening if you got this far..

PS this has been going on for slightly under 2 decades, I know I made it seem all back to back. Hope that clarified anything.

Edited October 18, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, sjkal said:

I don't want to take away from Guy 1

You've been doing so ever since your affair started, OP. 

Time to get real with yourself. You don't love your husband the way a wife generally should. Love isn't about lying and behaving hurtfully behind your partner's back. And I don't think you're really in love with your AP either. You aren't fulfilled with either of these men, so you cherry-pick what you suits you from each guy to fill the voids. 

But it isn't working, or you wouldn't be here. Your marriage isn't healthy and neither is this long-term affair. Maybe some indivdiual counselling is in order to help you understand why you behave this way and continue to make choices like this. Only then will you be able to set yourself free. 

[glows]

Do you have any questions? You seem to be self-aware. One thing I will note is that children are observant. Yours may be young still but they grow up fast and look to their parents as examples.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, sjkal said:

  Guy 2 and I both know we have spouses at home, he doesn't push, we just have that sexual chemistry..

Do you and your lover still see each other regularly? How is the quality of your marriage? 

Is there a reason you and your lover didn't marry or end up together?

Did either of you have an arranged marriage or is there a reason you refer to your husband as "guy 1"?

Are you and your lover just friends now or are you still needing as lovers?