Jamie467 Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 hi, so i dated a girl 4 times, i think if she agrees to meet 4 times she probably liked me i dont know, but till the last date i havent touched her once and in the final date as we was in a restaurant she wanted to show me a funny game on her phone and came to sit next to me, so i put my hand on her leg and second one on her wraist. This was for like 1-2 minutes then she went back to her chair in the restaurant, at the end of the night we still had good mood laughing and joking alot, i parket my car where i had to leave her, but before she left we watched 2-3 funny videos in youtube, and as we watched it started touching her leg again but this time even touched her neck and hair, she did freeze literaly, i thought it was because she liked it , after i left her i texted her if she got home safe and we wished good night to each other (she even liked mine with a heart), but 2 days after that when i texted her to meet again she said, she doesnt want to have relationship with me. So i can live with the rejection, but i dont want to leave this and thinking that she just got scared of me , although i really respected her and didn`t want to harm her in any way. Any advise? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 2 hours ago, Jamie467 said: 2 days after that when i texted her to meet again she said, she doesnt want to have relationship with me Sorry this happened. You are both still talking to and meeting others so even though she had a nice time you never know why they suddenly bail. You didn't do anything considered too physically aggressive for a 4th date, so it's unclear what her issue is. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 (edited) @Jamie467 It's more likely she was talking to other guys and decided to go with one of them, instead of you. Exogenous factors contribute more to why people choose to do what they do rather than you or what you've done. Sometimes we blame ourselves because then it means we can fix the mistake and achieve the outcome we want whether it's with this person or the next. Sometimes it's you, but most times it's something to do with them. Regarding your situation, I believe it has to do with her. Getting physical is how you show you're attracted to a person and want more than a friendship. You did what you should have so don't blame yourself. If she was worth it, she would have talked to you about it, been honest, and you two probably would be going for your 5th date together, instead of her being gone. Something I've come to accept through my own experiences is if you've done the best you could, and person ditches you like that, they just saved you from wasting further time on them. They knew their heart wasn't in it. Numerous reasons can be attributed to that, beyond your control. Try not to lose sleep over her. - Beach Edited October 25, 2022 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Jamie467 said: after i left her i texted her if she got home safe and we wished good night to each other (she even liked mine with a heart), but 2 days after that when i texted her to meet again she said, she doesnt want to have relationship with me. @Jamie467you just never know what's going on in the mind of woman when such things happen. Another way of looking at this is she was hurt and angry that you took two days to text again. Especially since she ended her previous text with a ❤️. Women who are not interested don't end texts with a heart. And then two days later dump you because they lost interest. Most likely, it was because she was hurt/angry that you took two days to text again which to a woman who is interested and anxious, can seem like a lifetime. I know it sounds crazy and I wouldn't react that way, but heck on another thread, there was a woman who dumped a guy because after a great date wherein they kissed for the first time, he didn't text her the next day, because he was busy with his son. One day he didn't text and she dumped him! So ya just never know and all you and we can do is speculate. All you do know is that for whatever reason, she doesn't want to pursue it. I'm sorry. Edited October 25, 2022 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 How old are you both? In particular I'm wondering if she's young and/or inexperienced. I don't want to give advice on the assumption that she's a woman when it could be that she's an inexperienced girl. Thing is, her age and experience would make a world of difference to my advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 You got the wrong order of causation here. It wasn't your touching that scared her away. You weren't scared to touch--and forced things--because she was not showing romantic interest in you. Any time you have to over-strategize and plan and think had about when and how to touch someone, that means you guys do NOT have romantic chemistry. If you guys have mutual interest, you would have been able to touch each other without planning. Here's a clue. If she liked you romantically, when you touched her in the slightest, she would have smiled at you and returned the touch. There would have been no doubt about the touch. Please learn this lesson so that you can avoid wasting time in the future. Four dates in and you hadn't touched: that's a clue as well. Keep in mind that touching can be as small as holding hands or just smiling at each other with your faces close. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, Jamie467 said: i parket my car where i had to leave her, but before she left we watched 2-3 funny videos in youtube, and as we watched it started touching her leg again but this time even touched her neck and hair, she did freeze literaly, i thought it was because she liked it , after i left her i texted her if she got home safe and we wished good night to each other (she even liked mine with a heart), but 2 days after that when i texted her to meet again she said, she doesnt want to have relationship with me. OP another possibility is that she may have thought all you wanted was to get her into bed. Sadly, this is what some young women are being taught to believe, that all men want is sex! I am envisioning that after the date, she began talking to her friends, shared with them that you "came on" to her, and they all told her to dump you, that all you wanted was sex. I am not making this up, this IS what is happening in today's dating environment. You either have women who all they want is a hook up and then the other extreme where they are so suspicious of men's motives, they assume a simple touch on the leg at your place means ALL you want is sex. Again, all speculation just like my last post. Bottom line, you will NEVER know the true reasons and it doesn't really matter. All that matters is she doesn't want a relationship with you and as such, it would be best to let it go and move on. Edited October 25, 2022 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 7 hours ago, Jamie467 said: hi, so i dated a girl 4 times, i think if she agrees to meet 4 times she probably liked me i dont know, but till the last date i havent touched her once and in the final date as we was in a restaurant she wanted to show me a funny game on her phone and came to sit next to me, so i put my hand on her leg and second one on her wraist. This was for like 1-2 minutes then she went back to her chair in the restaurant, at the end of the night we still had good mood laughing and joking alot, i parket my car where i had to leave her, but before she left we watched 2-3 funny videos in youtube, and as we watched it started touching her leg again but this time even touched her neck and hair, she did freeze literaly, i thought it was because she liked it , after i left her i texted her if she got home safe and we wished good night to each other (she even liked mine with a heart), but 2 days after that when i texted her to meet again she said, she doesnt want to have relationship with me. So i can live with the rejection, but i dont want to leave this and thinking that she just got scared of me , although i really respected her and didn`t want to harm her in any way. Any advise? Hard to say you should assume you weren’t the only one she dated. It probably got to the point she decided to focus on just one and you were not it. as for physical contact early in dating I usually just try to hold hands. It happens on 1st or 2nd date. Going for a leg as first touching can be a turn off…it’s too risky to do. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 The funny games and funny videos on a date seems strange. I too would like to know how old you both are. My thoughts are she didn’t have any actual attraction towards you. Maybe you’re a good looking guy but no other attraction at all, no emotional connection, no desire to know you more as a person in a relationship sense. It all seems rather platonic actually. I might say a good many men wait for the woman to make the first move. She may have played this off but found your physical advances unwelcome or too soon. Keep putting yourself out there and going on dates. She was honest with you and that’s a good thing. This frees you up to meet others. 8 hours ago, Jamie467 said: i dont want to leave this and thinking that she just got scared of me That’s what you’ll have to do. Let it go and don’t pursue her any further. She’s not interested in seeing you or a relationship with you. She may not have been scared. She may have been turned off or just not attracted. Move forwards and leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 2 hours ago, glows said: My thoughts are she didn’t have any actual attraction towards you. That is my assumption as well. She also seems inexperienced. How old is she, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamie467 Posted October 26, 2022 Author Share Posted October 26, 2022 (edited) i am 27, she is 24, we met on a dating app, ye i think she is meeting other people too, in the first date she jumped in to my car without any hesitation (i was sitting in my car and waited for her to show up) so i dont think im the first one she is meeting from a dating app, i think i just didnt hanlde the touch part well, and i went all in on the last one almost, i had similar rejection last year, but its fine, thx for the answers. she even paid in our last date, and said i will pay next time we meet, i didnt tell that , hard to say if she was atracted, but she was laughing at everything i said to her, i thought it was a good sign she liked me Edited October 26, 2022 by Jamie467 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamie467 Posted October 26, 2022 Author Share Posted October 26, 2022 (edited) 15 hours ago, basil67 said: How old are you both? In particular I'm wondering if she's young and/or inexperienced. I don't want to give advice on the assumption that she's a woman when it could be that she's an inexperienced girl. Thing is, her age and experience would make a world of difference to my advice. She is 24 , she looks shy and introvert but when i was with her i didnt felt her that way, also the last messages we sent each other make no sense for her to reject me after , i didnt saw any negativity, not sure like the other guy said if upset her with me texting her 2 days later or no , but why would you send a heart to someone you dont want to be with . Also i saw that she enables and disables her dating profiles every few day, what doe that mean? (on tinder and badoo) Edited October 26, 2022 by Jamie467 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 (edited) She’s not interested. A person can say it or show it in a million different ways. In your case she said clearly when she told you she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. She may have picked up on incompatibilities throughout the dates and there’s something or a few things she doesn’t like or doesn’t think works for her. She knows she doesn’t have to be rude and negative or call you out on them, possibly angering you especially if she’s getting in and out of your car. That’s a safety issue right there and you’re a stranger she’s only met a handful of times. You’re expecting a lead up of signs but you’ve only met four times. Realistically, no, someone isn’t going to give you an explanation of why they don’t want to be with you this early. Edited October 26, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 (edited) Dude, we're telling you from experience. It is NOT hard to say if she was attracted. She wasn't. Laughing is great, but laughing simply indicates the other person likes your humor, which is nice. Doesn't mean the other person is attracted. If she were attracted to you then by four dates, she would have made it OBVIOUS. Women know why young guys are taking them out. They can see when a young guy is dressed for a date. They know what's going on. So they are evaluating from the start. If she had been interested, you would not have had to do anything and you and she would end up touching. Dude, learn from us here. We're experienced. She was not interested in you romantically. Not a close call, not a near miss. Not a result on how you stood, walked, or touched her. Didn't matter what you did on the date. She was not interested. But she seems to enjoy you as a person. That's great. And you got her laughing--again great. That means you got a good sense of humor. Now, keep going and meeting other people and you'll know when that other person is interested. You will know! Edited October 26, 2022 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamie467 Posted October 26, 2022 Author Share Posted October 26, 2022 Thx, ye the other think is she was dressed really nice only on our first date, after that she came like going to throw her trash away Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 (edited) 49 minutes ago, Jamie467 said: she was dressed really nice only on our first date, after that she came like going to throw her trash away That's ok. It seems she was trying to be casual. But perhaps you view this as a sign she was meh about the dates? Edited October 26, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamie467 Posted October 26, 2022 Author Share Posted October 26, 2022 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: That's ok. It seems she was trying to be casual. But perhaps you view this as a sign she was meh about the dates? i really dont care what she wears, but if she wanted to attract me in someway she would put more sexy clothes , no? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 Dressing down could be a sign that she was telling you she was interested in friendship only. But some people can dress quite casually and look fabulous. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 4 hours ago, Jamie467 said: i really dont care what she wears, but if she wanted to attract me in someway she would put more sexy clothes , no? Not necessarily. If she is indie and buys clothes from a thrift store, she may well be embracing the thrift store style. Also, putting hearts on messages doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's not unusual for women/girls to put heart emojis on messages to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 27, 2022 Share Posted October 27, 2022 (edited) Agree: heart response means nothing. Just a sign of friendliness--or better yet just approval for a specific post. Edited October 27, 2022 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
Clarity1 Posted October 27, 2022 Share Posted October 27, 2022 Just going through all the comments, everyone's pretty much said everything that needs to be said. You can have a successful date with a woman where you're laughing, connecting and chatting, and it could mean absolutely nothing if she's not attracted to you on that level. If there was no investment from her part then she quite possibly just saw you as a friend. Lessons learned though mate! Link to post Share on other sites
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