Comprehending Niece's (hurtful) attitude favouring her a_hole father over her mother?

[Grumpy Bob]

My sister's ex walked out on her and the kids, when her youngest was still in nappies.  He'd already been unfaithful, and decided he needed to "find his soul mate."
He was also really spiteful and vindictive throughout the divorce, forcing them to sell the family home, stealing random items and denying it, etc.

My sister has always been a fantastic wife and mother.  She knuckled down, got a job, and managed to get back on her feet whilst holding her family together.  He youngest 2 kids basically don't now their father, as he made no effort with any of them after the divorce.

A few years back her 2nd eldest had a terrible accident and was lucky not to be crippled for life.  My sister took on not just the raising of two grandkids, but her daughter's rehabilitation.  
And yeah, during this time, a_hole father was nowhere to be found.  

Fast forward to today, and thankfully by niece is fully recovered, and back enjoying life.

Now she was absolutely in the box seat to witness the devastating effects of her Dad's desertion, and how hard her mum has laboured in the years since to look after the family and hold it together.  Not to mention the personal debt she owes her mum.

Yet, at every opportunity, she will favour her dad.  Now that she's back on her feet, she wants to spend Christmas with him.  For her birthday, she abandoned the family's get-together in favour of going out with her father.  For his birthday, she posted gushing crap all over social media, about what an awesome Dad he was and how he had "always been there for her" (which is just complete fiction.)
I know that during her rehab he flat-out refused to contribute to her medical bills.
None of her siblings want anything to do with the dirtbag.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, your niece will have to make her own decisions in whatever way she sees fit. For whatever reason she's seeking to find out more about her biological father. People do that.

All you can do is not take sides, no matter how your sister feels about it. Try to be as neutral as possible so as to not fuel this family feud any further.

Just explain to your sister that your niece will have to find things out for herself her own way. Try to deescalate your sisters indignation rather than fuel it.

Edited October 26, 2022 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

Yeah he's her blood and she loves him regardless of his past.  She would probably feel the same way about your sister, her mom too.  I would just wish her well with him and pray she doesn't get hurt again.  People can change so maybe he has grown into a better man.

[glows]

This is only going to end up draining you and preventing you from living your own life. Stop focusing on him. He’s not your concern. Children also don’t need to inherit the misgivings and broken relationships of their elders.

You may be protective of your sister but step back and let the family work this out. I’d also reconsider whether being around your sister or anyone this angry(as angry as yourself) is any good for your health or mental well being. You have a right to how you feel and your opinion of him. Others do too.

[ShyViolet]

This is really not your concern.  And honestly, you have one perspective of the man but you don't know what kind of relationship the girl has with her father.  You are not in the middle of it.  For whatever reason she wants to have her Dad in her life and she has a connection to her Dad, and she has every right to do that.... regardless of whatever bad things he's done in the past and what you think of him.  I actually don't see the problem here. 

Be there for your sister, let her vent to you about her feelings, be sympathetic about it.  But there's nothing you can do about the girl wanting to have a relationship with her father and it's actually not anyone's place to "do" anything about it.  She can make her own choices.