I'm so confused about this situation

[Lucyk]

Just a warning before I go into this, I have a habit of overthinking and over analyzing certain situations so if you think I’m doing that and I’m wrong about all this just tell me lol. I’m hoping for thoughts and opinions on this situation.  But basically I have a very close male friend, we’ve been friends for about a year. Many people think this guy likes me and I think so too, but then again I’m not sure. Unfortunately, he has an extremely hard time being open about his feelings and stuff like that.

 

He has told me a few times I’m the only one he feels this close to and all his other friends are just people he hangs out with, like surface level friends if that makes sense. He also has had a VERY tough childhood and doesn’t have the best home life, so getting close to people and being vulnerable is hard for him sadly. Some days he will be very sweet, calling me beautiful and pretty, hugging me a lot, making excuses to hold my hand and just things like that. He acts very differently around me vs his other friends. 

 

Then when he gets too close, he will distance himself. I have a tendency to always take things personally and i constantly feel like I did something wrong, so I ask the people who I’m close to for advice. They tell me (some also know him) when he gets too close to me he’ll pull away, afraid of how I’ll react and think. A few days ago he opened up to me and told me something he said he had never told anyone before, something super personal and not good. Then the next day at school he acted kinda nervous around me and distanced himself a lot. He talks to other people in class and down at lunch but mostly avoids me, which someone told me was because I had the power to “hurt” him and he was vulnerable with me. 

 

Of course I don’t know all of this for 100% certain, Im just making assumptions based on how he acts. I could sadly never ask him cuz he would just deny it all, again afraid of fully opening up. I texted him and said I’m

Here for you, and Ive noticed you getting distant and you know you can trust me, and he replied saying nothing is wrong and he talks to me all the time (not true at the moment). I asked my mother for advice and she said he is deflecting and isn’t being honest with me, she also believes everything I’ve said.  Also this is what other people have observed as well. Just another note, I have OCD so even if I believe something like this, my thoughts will convince me I’m wrong about the situation, so it helps to get other peoples thoughts. 

[Wiseman2]

It's good you're talking to your mother about your crushes and boys. How old is he? He seems a bit awkward. However there is nothing to "overthink". He likes you but if he were interested in dating he would ask you out. It doesn't matter what your friends assessments of him are, what matters is if you want to deal with someone wishy-washy and hot/cold, when you would be better focusing on boys who are clear that they like you and ask you out.

[stillafool]

I agree with Wiseman that when a guy likes a girl he will ask her out or to come visit her.  Has he done any of those things?  Are you guys old enough to date?

[glows]

Do you want to date him? He sounds fickle and not consistent. You think he’s pulling away but he’s denying it so what’s the point here? Are you going to be the one to convince him that he’s got issues?

There’s a good chance you’re projecting a lot of problems you think he has onto him and pushing him away even as a friend. If he’s not asking you out or making the effort he’s not interested in dating you. 

My guess is honestly that he doesn’t think of you romantically. He sounds like quite the flirt and he’s comfortable around you. You’re the one who has to ask yourself whether you want to be around someone who holds your hand or hugs you and then seems distant later. As an outsider, I see him going off and doing his own thing. He doesn’t owe you anything.

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, Lucyk said:

Some days he will be very sweet, calling me beautiful and pretty, hugging me a lot, making excuses to hold my hand and just things like that. 

Of course he likes you... people don't do these things with platonic friends.

However, I would run out of patience very quickly with his hot/cold behavior.  It sounds like he is not anywhere near ready to date, emotionally.  He needs to work through his emotional issues and grow up a bit.

If he was in an emotional place where he's ready to date, you two would have ended up together by now.  Instead, this is going nowhere because he isn't ready to get close to anyone.  There is nothing you can do about that.  The best thing you can do is not waste your time with this.  Be his friend if you want, but don't expect anything more.