Feelings for my cousin's husband

[gbadboy]

@basil67 No I am not trying to justify my outbursts. I was very clear on that per my previous reply , " It doesn't excuse the way I acted, but at least it shows him WHY I acted this way"

 My outburst was not justifiable , however I wanted to explain what motivated me to outburst that way as he was unsure why I was lashing out in the first place.   Once he knew my motivations he then understood why I was acting that way.  That does NOT mean I am justified as clearly it was wrong and clearly I apologized for that down the road.

My previous replies on this post have shown nothing but remorse, guilt and even shame. In no way am I trying to pursue him - I learnt not to cross the line and am learning to control and eventually erase these feelings.  My only goal is to eventually hope to have the cousin friendship rebuilt.

Regarding making him feel guilty, once again you are absolutely wrong there. Being rejected by the source and hearing it from their own mouth is the first step in healing.  After hearing them say "NO", you can either disrespect them and still pursue OR accept it and learn from it - the latter of which I am doing. So it is 100% beneficial to profess if you know its going to help you begin to get over it.  And it has immensely helped me in moving on from him - at least in starting that journey.     If he feels awkward, guess what? He's a grown up - he'll survive...It's better he know the truth than I deceive him ....... It's better to feel temporary awkward than to be completely deceived.     BTW me professing my feelings not only benefits me but it ALSO BENEFITS HIM, because it allows me to get myself back to the old cousin he wants me to be again.

You are certainty entitled to your views if you believe a  moment of awkwardness and my behaviour towards Alan will erase an otherwise 13 year history of good times.

Thank you for your views.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[basil67]

On 11/2/2022 at 5:16 PM, gbadboy said:

 If he feels awkward, guess what? He's a grown up - he'll survive...It's better he know the truth than I deceive him ....... It's better to feel temporary awkward than to be completely deceived. 

Yes, of course he will survive.  He's got his wife. And Alan. And his family.  And his other friends.  

[]

Edited November 4, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[glows]

8 hours ago, gbadboy said:

@glows Yea - I admit, the last 3-4 years (out of the 14 years of knowing him) yea I developed feelings.

I wanted to mention something else to..

The reason why I professed my feelings to him was not to try to get him or seduce him (as I know I can never have him and it would never work).....I told him how I felt b/c he was confused why I got upset at the Bar on the Thursday night and then upset again at the after-party at house on the Friday.    He even said I wasn't behaving like the person he knows.

So I answered his question. I explained to him WHY I got upset those 2 times....it's because I have feelings.

I never told him my feelings to try and sway him......that wasn't my goal.

Also, I told him how I felt so I could begin to DESTROY these feelings.  For me, the best way to stop these feelings is to have him tell me "No, this is wrong - we family and I'm not gay".    I needed to hear him tell me that, so I could begin to resolve these feelings. He did tell me this and it began to help me.

So just an FYI, that was my motivation for telling him how I felt. It was for good intentions (i.e. to start to destroy my feelings for him and put me back on a cousin path).

Mind you - what I am saying here I never told him and in retrospect I should have told him .......as he took instead that  I was telling him this to try and ask him out  and I wasn't!   It was just a lot of pressure on me to speak and I was super nervous.   Anyway....point is yes - I professed how I felt.

 

Like I said, I upon my return to Canada I sent him a long text apologizing to him and letting him know that there are things I need to work on.    So my question then is,  IF the opportunity arises down the road and he does actually contact me, do you think I should apologize again and be more in-depth and advise him how I'm "over him" (assuming I am)...............OR is best to just talk normal with him, make small talk and don't even bring this stuff up?  In other words, show him that I'm over him versus telling him.

 

Yes, I understood with your initial post that that was the reason why you told him your feelings but it’s still not justified frankly. There was a choice to practice more self-control long before it got to the point where you had walked out of the restaurant or weren’t acting yourself around him. When I say this I refer to months and years of decisions between the two of you that could have been different from the way you both acted around one another to anything that was said or even the frequency of texts. 

It’s also not his problem that you have feelings for him. In other words, he doesn’t or shouldn’t have to help you do anything to feel better about yourself. You’re making your problems someone else’s problems, inadvertently also opening yourself up to unrequited scenarios like this with people who frankly just don’t seem as innocent either.

Again, I’m saying this not to hurt you but hopefully show you that all of this was in your power to restrain or control yourself. It’s no one else’s responsibility or burden to help you feel better or get over this crush.

I also want to draw your attention to the fact that he and his wife (especially Miles) may have been very aware of your crush or at least to some degree. I find it unbelievable that he had no clue or required you to spell it out. To push you to the point where you felt you had to tell him your feelings was ridiculous of him, almost self-serving and maybe he wanted you to say it so that it would relieve him of having to put on an act with you when he never felt fully comfortable around you to begin with (referring to his angry drunk outburst telling you he’s not gay). That incident was telling in that he strongly suspected you had a crush already. 

My point is I don’t think you had to spell out your feelings. He just baited you into it and you fell for it believing you could alleviate the crush by saying it outloud.

If he contacts you, I wouldn’t bring the past up. You’re moving on not rehashing the past and you don’t need to keep apologizing. Nip the idea that either of you owe each other great explanations and apologies going forward in the bud. Stop feeling beholden to this man. You already handed him a few years of your life. It ends now. Keep things simple from now on and the interactions light. 

I think you may also have some running insecurities in the background about being treated differently from your brothers or worry that you’re not being treated the same or left out. Deep breaths on that one. It sucks feeling like that. Have faith this will pass. What’s important is you don’t stall or put a hold in your life in general and focus on you. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, gbadboy said:

@basil67

 - I learnt not to cross the line and am learning to control and eventually erase these feelings.  My only goal is to eventually hope to have the cousin friendship rebuilt.

The most important thing you can do is get much more involved in the gay community for support, friendship and dating.

This way crushes will happen with people who are on board with you. Be yourself and be open of course with friends and family, but hitting on random straight and married men will be an obvious failure.

Also try not to get too drunk and lose control of your words and behaviors.

You don't have to keep beating yourself up over this, but this is a sign that you need to make some changes in your life for the future.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, gbadboy said:

 BTW me professing my feelings not only benefits me but it ALSO BENEFITS HIM, because it allows me to get myself back to the old cousin he wants me to be again.

No. It does not. 

This didn't benefit him. It is not his (or anyone else's) responsibility to bear the burden of your feelings so you can move on. That is on you. You have got to learn to manage your emotions in a more mature way, and not sell yourself the narrative that this confessional was for anyone's benefit but yours. 

It was not up to him to "destroy" your feelings for him. You are a big boy and need to learn to do that on your own, without foisting responsibility onto someone else and ultimately making them in chage of your inability to let go. That was not fair and not realistic. 

Let this be a lesson: emotional regulation and unrequited crushes are for you to deal with, by yourself. 

[Acacia98]

Two things stand out to me, @gbadboy:

First, I get the impression that you all don't have the greatest boundaries. It was pretty obvious when you expressed your resentment of their inviting Alan (hope I'm getting the name right). Whether or not you like him, you have no say over who they invite to their home and when. Also, they should not have bent over backwards to accommodate you when you expressed that resentment. I wondered why on earth they were indulging you and practically begging  you to come back to their home. I was also generally surprised when you described the series of interactions you were having with your cousin's husband and others. Perhaps I'm a bit too old school in my conceptualization of marriage, but I do think y'all were interacting more like a bunch of teenagers than adults with responsibilities and healthy boundaries. I think your cousin and her husband need to take a huge step back from all this enmeshed cousin-and-friend-bonding stuff and develop stronger boundaries for their nuclear family. The way you all socialize leaves their union too exposed to other people's whims and emotional ups and downs. As for you, consider staying in a hotel the next time you visit their town. That way, you have more control over your space and time and can minimize interactions with folks like Alan.

Second, I imagine that once your told your cousin's husband you had feelings for him, he had to go back and revisit your past interactions and explicitly consider whatever he might have done to encourage you to feel he would be receptive to them. He now probably has to recognize that if he's friendly to you, it will encourage you to be hopeful. So part of his responsibility in this situation is to make sure there's no room for ambiguity. And the easiest way for him to do that is to go silent.

(I happen to share @glows sentiment that your cousin's husband is not completely innocent in all this. I reckon we have two options: Either he is the most oblivious person who ever existed or, at the ego level, he got something out of the whole situation as long as it wasnt explicitly stated. There is some indication of manipulative behavior on his part but also on your part. I also suspect he enjoys contributing to dramatic situations--his inviting Alan despite Alan's apparent history with one of your cousin's and Alan's generally annoying behavior points to that. Maybe he enjoyed the prospect that you and Alan would both be vying for his attention. He totally reminds me of those men who say they hate drama but then somehow always manage to get themselves into drama-filled situations. When something disastrous results, they are good at emerging from the situation smelling like roses, while the other person ends up looking like some kind of psycho.)

[gbadboy]

16 hours ago, glows said:

Yes, I understood with your initial post that that was the reason why you told him your feelings but it’s still not justified frankly. There was a choice to practice more self-control long before it got to the point where you had walked out of the restaurant or weren’t acting yourself around him. When I say this I refer to months and years of decisions between the two of you that could have been different from the way you both acted around one another to anything that was said or even the frequency of texts. 

It’s also not his problem that you have feelings for him. In other words, he doesn’t or shouldn’t have to help you do anything to feel better about yourself. You’re making your problems someone else’s problems, inadvertently also opening yourself up to unrequited scenarios like this with people who frankly just don’t seem as innocent either.

Again, I’m saying this not to hurt you but hopefully show you that all of this was in your power to restrain or control yourself. It’s no one else’s responsibility or burden to help you feel better or get over this crush.

I also want to draw your attention to the fact that he and his wife (especially Miles) may have been very aware of your crush or at least to some degree. I find it unbelievable that he had no clue or required you to spell it out. To push you to the point where you felt you had to tell him your feelings was ridiculous of him, almost self-serving and maybe he wanted you to say it so that it would relieve him of having to put on an act with you when he never felt fully comfortable around you to begin with (referring to his angry drunk outburst telling you he’s not gay). That incident was telling in that he strongly suspected you had a crush already. 

My point is I don’t think you had to spell out your feelings. He just baited you into it and you fell for it believing you could alleviate the crush by saying it outloud.

If he contacts you, I wouldn’t bring the past up. You’re moving on not rehashing the past and you don’t need to keep apologizing. Nip the idea that either of you owe each other great explanations and apologies going forward in the bud. Stop feeling beholden to this man. You already handed him a few years of your life. It ends now. Keep things simple from now on and the interactions light. 

I think you may also have some running insecurities in the background about being treated differently from your brothers or worry that you’re not being treated the same or left out. Deep breaths on that one. It sucks feeling like that. Have faith this will pass. What’s important is you don’t stall or put a hold in your life in general and focus on you. 

You always hit on the nail! I am very impressed with your feedback. You bring up stuff that I never truly sat and thought about.  You should be a relationship therapist.  

Interesting you said what you said, because for 10  years I never thought once about Miles that way.....it was just in the last 2-3 years we grew closer I think b/c of Covid we were forced to chat more on text/whattsapp and do video calls...... Somehow my sexuality  and "what I am into" came up in our chats, and he would ask me all sorts of questions of what I'm into etc. He would make lots of jokes towards me (again none of this offended me as I'm not sensitive like that - shockingly! I find it amusing).    And yes, you are absolutely right, I DROPPED SO MUCH hints prior to our trip to Portland.... I even went as far once to say he looks "HOT" in a picture that he had sent me weeks prior.  C'mon, isn't that a red flag?  I also said, to him - when we go to Portand, "you and I miles are gonna share a hotel room wink wink".  Again I was "joking" but he didn't get upset.

When we got to Portland, he did all sorts of stuff such as, take his shirt off and put it on me and then take my shirt off and put it on him - when we were drinking and partying. He never did end up sleeping in my hotel room, he went to my brother's room instead, however he was very flirtatious in my view during that trip.   We went to the Casino and we sat at the bar just him and I alone and he put his arm around me as I sat beside him and yea I kinda started to play with his knee (I know that was wrong).  Then after the Casino we all took an Uber Van back to the hotel and him and I sat at the backseat of the van and again he put his arm around me and I again would play with his knee - he didn't move or do anything.    Then the next day I sat on the couch and came beside me and again put his arm around me and again I did the whole knee play thing.. I kinda even massaged his foot! ..   .. In all these scenarios we were alone, my brothers were not around - no one was around.......and we only stopped bc there was a wrap on the door....and all while we talked about "things I'm into".

It stopped there of course. ....and yes in all those cases I can def say he was drinking. When he is sober he is different.

So fast forward to August, after the "fight" when I professed my feelings the following day, he said HE NEVER KNEW how I felt. He said he had no clue I felt this way!     I don't believe that indeed. I said, "Miles, you never had a hint? I've been dropping hints all year! "  I agree that he just said that in order to put it all on me....and in order for him to clear himself of any guilt and in order for him to say that everything he did was innocent,  and had he had known I liked him he wouldn't have done xyz.

He even invited me down in June to come babysit his kids with him while his wife and the rest of the girls went out to a bachelorette party......(a trip that didn't happen b/c he ended up getting sick).

Hell during the trip in August he took his shirt off in front me knowing that I'm gay and I like him. Yes I should have practiced more self control but that's like dangling meat in front of a Lion. I tried really hard to re-strain myself... 

Miles is a smart guy and he had to have known I liked him.  That's why I after I professed my feelings, and I left the house for good - he got upset. He wanted me to stay.  Wouldn't you prefer I go, if I just came out to you?     To be frank , I think he likes the attention!  

There's wrong on both our parts....obviously more wrong on my part. 

Your other point on his outburst "I am not GAY!" is also interesting b/c at that point I had yet to profess how I officially felt (I didn't profess how I officially felt until the day after) - so yea me coming out to him shouldn't have been news to him.  My flip out at the bar alone (2  nights prior) should have been crystal clear that I like him!  I was expecting him to say instead "Yes, I know you like me, I've known for a while ....but this can't happen XYZ XYZ"

So yes I believe Miles knew I liked him - and I believe since March he suspected. 

Anyway that's all the past......

I'll take your point in the future should he reach out to me to just keep it cool, light and simple......and look forward not backward. 

My brothers and I are close and we hang out often, and when we do - its like they always bring Miles up innocently   "Oh did you see the video Miles sent? They went to the Pumpkin farm on the weekend!".     And I said to my brother, "oh no I didn't see the video" (because Miles never sent me it!! - which I never told my brother of course). My brother said "Oh he didn't send you? I guess he only sent me the video".

Its stuff like that that makes me feel left out indeed. But I suppose it is what it is.  I don't know if eventually my brothers will start to pick up that Miles and I aren't communicating at this time. They don't know a thing about what transpired this summer and I don't intend to say anything as it has nothing to do with him.

Being just his cousin with limited contact now and then ( even like 20 messages a year to see what he is up to ) - is perfectly fine with me. I truly don't want anything more than to have something that mirror his relationship with my brothers.    I know I may not deserve that right now, but I hope it changes.

 

I wish I could see the future and/or fast forward a few months ahead.

I appreciate your feedback - thank you thank you..

[gbadboy]

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

The most important thing you can do is get much more involved in the gay community for support, friendship and dating.

This way crushes will happen with people who are on board with you. Be yourself and be open of course with friends and family, but hitting on random straight and married men will be an obvious failure.

Also try not to get too drunk and lose control of your words and behaviors.

You don't have to keep beating yourself up over this, but this is a sign that you need to make some changes in your life for the future.

Well said.  I'm thankful I have a lot of gay friends (and str8 friends) who support me and who are like family. Noted for sure and yes this has taught me a lot.

If Miles does come around , I will be ready to be a different - better person and keep those boundaries in check for my own peace of mind frankly.

[gbadboy]

16 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Two things stand out to me, @gbadboy:

First, I get the impression that you all don't have the greatest boundaries. It was pretty obvious when you expressed your resentment of their inviting Alan (hope I'm getting the name right). Whether or not you like him, you have no say over who they invite to their home and when. Also, they should not have bent over backwards to accommodate you when you expressed that resentment. I wondered why on earth they were indulging you and practically begging  you to come back to their home. I was also generally surprised when you described the series of interactions you were having with your cousin's husband and others. Perhaps I'm a bit too old school in my conceptualization of marriage, but I do think y'all were interacting more like a bunch of teenagers than adults with responsibilities and healthy boundaries. I think your cousin and her husband need to take a huge step back from all this enmeshed cousin-and-friend-bonding stuff and develop stronger boundaries for their nuclear family. The way you all socialize leaves their union too exposed to other people's whims and emotional ups and downs. As for you, consider staying in a hotel the next time you visit their town. That way, you have more control over your space and time and can minimize interactions with folks like Alan.

Second, I imagine that once your told your cousin's husband you had feelings for him, he had to go back and revisit your past interactions and explicitly consider whatever he might have done to encourage you to feel he would be receptive to them. He now probably has to recognize that if he's friendly to you, it will encourage you to be hopeful. So part of his responsibility in this situation is to make sure there's no room for ambiguity. And the easiest way for him to do that is to go silent.

(I happen to share @glows sentiment that your cousin's husband is not completely innocent in all this. I reckon we have two options: Either he is the most oblivious person who ever existed or, at the ego level, he got something out of the whole situation as long as it wasnt explicitly stated. There is some indication of manipulative behavior on his part but also on your part. I also suspect he enjoys contributing to dramatic situations--his inviting Alan despite Alan's apparent history with one of your cousin's and Alan's generally annoying behavior points to that. Maybe he enjoyed the prospect that you and Alan would both be vying for his attention. He totally reminds me of those men who say they hate drama but then somehow always manage to get themselves into drama-filled situations. When something disastrous results, they are good at emerging from the situation smelling like roses, while the other person ends up looking like some kind of psycho.)

Interesting response.  And I believe there is a lot of merit to it.  What happened the Thursday night at the Bar (per my original post), like for Miles to make those jokes to Alan how "he watches him too",   Miles must have known that would set me off......... Miles had enough flags to know I had feelings for him and I feel like while it was a joke he was making, it was a joke that I wasn't going to take well.   For Miles then 2 days later (when I finally officially professed my feelings) to then act "Surprised"......is Ludacris.  My behaviour alone Thursday was obvious I like him.  I doubt he is oblivious indeed....but I suppose showing ignorance perhaps exonerates him from any possible guilt?

I agree, my feelings towards Alan isn't their concern. They assumed I wanted him there as technically Alan is friends with my brother and my brother is the one that introduced Alan into the family. They assumed Alan then is my friend -  and while Alan and I are OK.....he's too arrogant and conceited  for me. I know Alan longer than all of them and know what he is all about. He hurts any girl he meets....he's a player.   But yes, I also am jealous of Alan and the attention he was getting from Miles.   Nonetheless - my cousins can invite whomever.

They did give me a heads up he's coming and I guess I should of said something before he came but I smiled and let it pass. 

I am the first to say I am not proud of my behaviour. I've learned so much in retrospect in how to conduct myself. My behaviour , my jealousy all stems from the feelings I have for Miles. Had I know had these feelings, I wouldn't have acted this way. Yes I had the chance to conduct myself differently but these feelings got the better of me.

 

Future forward, it is too stressful to have anything but a cousin relationship with Miles - it will make my life easier. I hope one day we can move forward with that - I truly do b/c aside from all this nonsense that occurred - him and I had a very close cousin caring relationship.

 

I appreciate your feedback.

[gbadboy]

1 hour ago, gbadboy said:

Well said.  I'm thankful I have a lot of gay friends (and str8 friends) who support me and who are like family. Noted for sure and yes this has taught me a lot.

If Miles does come around , I will be ready to be a different - better person and keep those boundaries in check for my own peace of mind frankly.

 

17 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No. It does not. 

This didn't benefit him. It is not his (or anyone else's) responsibility to bear the burden of your feelings so you can move on. That is on you. You have got to learn to manage your emotions in a more mature way, and not sell yourself the narrative that this confessional was for anyone's benefit but yours. 

It was not up to him to "destroy" your feelings for him. You are a big boy and need to learn to do that on your own, without foisting responsibility onto someone else and ultimately making them in chage of your inability to let go. That was not fair and not realistic. 

Let this be a lesson: emotional regulation and unrequited crushes are for you to deal with, by yourself. 

Noted - I see what you are saying.  I've been No Contact with him for just over a month and I as I continue with it, I hope this space will eventually bring a cousin - friendship back.  

[glows]

It’s better to move forward with no expectations. Try to completely drop the expectations as it’s keeping you in this thought process that you are constantly missing out. 

Next year, year after that - all of it, drop the expectations and let go of the fixation on wanting the friendship back. My point is that Miles isn’t a good influence and you do not need that in your life. He showed poor boundaries in his marriage, was manipulative in the way he treated you and you were played and fell for it hook, line and sinker. 

You seem to respect him but I think in time you would do better distancing yourself and rethinking this. What do boundaries mean to you? Why are you drawn to someone like this who treats his wife like chopped liver when no one is looking and has no restraint or respect for you at all? You might want to also ask yourself why you thought his insulting jokes about you or jokes at your expense were funny at the beginning. He sounds like absolute bottom of the barrel if you ask me, the scrape at the bottom kind of bottom.

Regarding your brothers’ questions about videos, you can say oh sorry didn’t see or check yet. Change the subject. Stop letting this person so far away influence and change your relationships with your brothers. There’s no need to make him the center of attention. 

Edited November 4, 2022 by glows

[gbadboy]

16 hours ago, glows said:

It’s better to move forward with no expectations. Try to completely drop the expectations as it’s keeping you in this thought process that you are constantly missing out. 

Next year, year after that - all of it, drop the expectations and let go of the fixation on wanting the friendship back. My point is that Miles isn’t a good influence and you do not need that in your life. He showed poor boundaries in his marriage, was manipulative in the way he treated you and you were played and fell for it hook, line and sinker. 

You seem to respect him but I think in time you would do better distancing yourself and rethinking this. What do boundaries mean to you? Why are you drawn to someone like this who treats his wife like chopped liver when no one is looking and has no restraint or respect for you at all? You might want to also ask yourself why you thought his insulting jokes about you or jokes at your expense were funny at the beginning. He sounds like absolute bottom of the barrel if you ask me, the scrape at the bottom kind of bottom.

Regarding your brothers’ questions about videos, you can say oh sorry didn’t see or check yet. Change the subject. Stop letting this person so far away influence and change your relationships with your brothers. There’s no need to make him the center of attention. 

Re: The Videos that's a good idea - to quickly say something like - "I haven't checked yet....maybe he did...etc. " and then change the subject. 

He's known in the family to make all types of blunt jokes with everyone....he does dish it out.   I hear you what you are saying...he's got a very caring side though and always made the effort to want me around, but I hear you for sure.

This whole ordeal is an eye opener and I do not know what the future holds - but your words above are noted for sure.  I've done just over a month of No Contact and it's been really hard...many times I feel to break it, but I have to keep telling myself I shouldn't.  

As always I appreciate the feedback for sure.

Again, I do not know what the future holds but I'll be sure to update this POST if there's something to update - and assuming this POST is still active by then and I am able to do so.  

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, gbadboy said:

  I've done just over a month of No Contact and it's been really hard...

This is not a relationship. Therefore even the phrasing "done no contact" comes off as odd.

Understandably  he was upset by the ordeal and you hitting on him. 

All you can do is respect him.

[gbadboy]

*****DECEMBER 22 2022  UPDATE********

It's been a tough few months however I remained No Contact with Miles (yes I'm aware that's a concept for relationships, but given he was a crush....I suppose it applies - point is I've not made contact with him for months).  Last week though my brother did a Zoom call with Miles and invited me to join....I was hesitant, because I wasn't sure how Miles would react, as it was Mile's Zoom account..Nonetheless, I joined and Miles, my brother and I caught up on life and spoke for about 1hr 15 min.   Miles asked me a lot of questions, including what my upcoming birthday plans were, what I've been up to and he also told me what he's been up to.  It was a very nice call and he even said he would do a Dj session on Zoom for us on the weekend if we wanted!    The call wrapped up shortly after and I was overjoyed!

The next night Miles phoned my brother during some party he was hosting, -  he didn't phone me and at first I was slightly upset but I realized there's no point in that! Miles has a right to contact who he wants and who he doesn't...and part of my healing has been to accept that concept amongst others. 

Anyway....the best news is.....

It was my birthday recently and Miles did message me Happy Birthday and made some small conversation with me. His wife (my cousin) also messaged me separately to wish me Happy Birthday.  

So all in all, I am really happy now with where things are.  I do not believe Miles told my cousin (his wife) anything, or she wouldn't have been communicating with me.  And....Miles himself is being a lot more interactive with me and I so appreciate it!

That said, I heed the advice of this forum. I do not want and nor will I pursue Miles in anyway inappropriate way.  I will not be messaging him constantly - I will give him his space..... He's my family and all I want is my cousin-friendship back and I think that's slowly starting to come back!  More work and time is still needed and I still have ways to go, but I think I am now on the right track with him! So I am thrilled!  

Thank you all for your input during those dark times- your honesty really helped me through this!

 

 

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by gbadboy