I want to confess to my crush real badly, but he's just too damn intimidating what do I do?

[Katherine81]

These past few weeks I’ve been constantly thinking about my crush, and it’s been frustrating… 

We’re in two classes together. In one class he sits right in front of me, and in another he sits right behind me. When, he sits right in front of me, I always internally scream at my self to talk to him. But I have no idea what to say…I freeze up and I’m nervous/frustrated, but I want to talk to him so badly…
He has a tall figure, almost looming. 
He’s attractive, is a bit quite in class, but still seems confident. Even though he dresses really casually, and always checks his phone in class to look at the time, he still takes school work seriously, which I admire. He’s also on the baseball team, which has sort of a bad rep at my school, that I don’t understand. 

Sometimes I feel like he’s giving me some hints he likes me/notices me, yet I’m unsure about that. 


We only have a few weeks left in the semester, and I don’t know whether I should confess to him in person, or write him. And, if I do write him, do I keep it brief or somewhat detailed? 


I really want to confess or approach him in someway, but I don’t know how. 
Every time he enters the room, or comes from around the corner, my heart literally jumps, and my damn hormones are go haywire…. 

I need advice. 
 

Edited November 1, 2022 by Katherine81

[NuevoYorko]

It would be a good idea to see if you can establish some type of basic rapport with him before you jump to confessing your crush.  Maybe talk to him about the latest baseball game or ask him a question about the school work, since he's a serious student.

[glows]

Say hello and ask him how his day is going. Try not to overthink this. 

Ease into it. It’s quite awkward to be springing your feelings on him all of a sudden. He doesn’t know you. See how he responds and let the conversation flow.

[Alpacalia]

It's hard when you have a crush. I recall in junior high school I was crushing on this one fella and one of the other boys in the class made fun of me in front of him. I slid down in my chair in embarrassment. 

The best thing to do at this stage is to just get to know him better. Just talk to him normally. If he shows an interest and enjoys your company then go from there.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Katherine81 said:

I really want to confess or approach him in someway, but I don’t know how.

How old is he? It's ok to have crushes, it's quite normal. But it freaks people out to just blurt out a crush. Definitely do not write a letter. You want to come across as a friendly, approachable fun classmate, not creepy.

Join some groups and clubs at school. Get involved in sports. Start going to the baseball games. Smile say hi to fellow students and be friendly and approachable.

You'll need to start making small talk/conversation about anything. The teacher, classes, school events, etc.

Keep in mind he's not the only boy at school so remember to be nice to everyone.

[Katherine81]

It’s just hard, cause we haven’t spoken at all these past weeks. I will also feel like an openbook if I talk to him, meaning he’ll probably figure it out that I have a crush on him. Sometimes I think he knows that he makes me nervous…
 

[Weezy1973]

The thing is, if you don’t talk to him first and establish some rapport, he probably doesn’t really even think of you much at all. He might have a crush on someone else in school. I remember when I was in high school learning a girl had a crush on me and we had never spoken to each other at all. I had zero idea. Barely even knew she existed. I was crushing on another girl that I did talk to regularly. 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

The thing is, if you don’t talk to him first and establish some rapport, he probably doesn’t really even think of you much at all.

Exactly and this is why I personally wouldn't talk to him.  I'd rather he notice me and give signals he's interested before I'd approach.  Otherwise I might get friendzoned.

[glows]

2 hours ago, Katherine81 said:

It’s just hard, cause we haven’t spoken at all these past weeks. I will also feel like an openbook if I talk to him, meaning he’ll probably figure it out that I have a crush on him. Sometimes I think he knows that he makes me nervous…
 

I’m not sure I see the problem. Can you sit anywhere you like in class? Sit next to his desk and ask him how he’s doing. If he’s crushing on someone else you’ll probably find out quickly or get the feel for that early on. He’s like any other guy. Don’t be afraid.

[Alpacalia]

Remember Molly Ringwald's huge crush on Jake in 16 Candles? She never spoke a word to him. As it turned out, he had been very fond of her from the start!

[Katherine81]

11 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

It would be a good idea to see if you can establish some type of basic rapport with him before you jump to confessing your crush.  Maybe talk to him about the latest baseball game or ask him a question about the school work, since he's a serious student.

Yes, I could talk to him about school work, it’s just I haven’t asked him about him before…so to do it now, would that seem weird? 
When the teacher asks people to pair up or talk to each other, he doesn’t turn around to talk…but I’m also at fault here cause I could say something too…

[Katherine81]

10 hours ago, glows said:

Say hello and ask him how his day is going. Try not to overthink this. 

Ease into it. It’s quite awkward to be springing your feelings on him all of a sudden. He doesn’t know you. See how he responds and let the conversation flow.

I want to ask him that, but…I haven’t talked to him at all these past weeks…so it would seem out of the blue to suddenly reach out to him…even though I do want to. 
 

Edited November 1, 2022 by Katherine81

[Katherine81]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

Exactly and this is why I personally wouldn't talk to him.  I'd rather he notice me and give signals he's interested before I'd approach.  Otherwise I might get friendzoned.

How would I get him to notice me? Or send signals his way? 

[Katherine81]

1 hour ago, glows said:

I’m not sure I see the problem. Can you sit anywhere you like in class? Sit next to his desk and ask him how he’s doing. If he’s crushing on someone else you’ll probably find out quickly or get the feel for that early on. He’s like any other guy. Don’t be afraid.

He sits in front of me in one class. I know he’s like every other guy, but for some reason he just makes me really nervous/excited… 

[stillafool]

14 minutes ago, Katherine81 said:

How would I get him to notice me? Or send signals his way? 

By looking cute, cheerful and great hygiene (smell good).  Smile at him when you see him and then look away.  Don't be overt with your attraction, make him wonder.  If he sits in front of you or behind you ask him a question while looking him straight in the eyes but be the first to look away after he answers.  He'll notice.

[Alpacalia]

OP, I assume a guy who does not talk to me is not altogether interested. Sucky guys don't deserve romance and rationalization. The idea that someone who doesn't talk to me, does not take any interest in my personal life and avoids my existence will be interested in me is an intelligence-injuring interlude.

Girl, if a guy is not striking up a conversation or making efforts, it is because he is uninterested and probably not worth getting yourself in knots over. A realistic expectation of how people treat you makes life easier. Get him off the pedestal.

Your heart will thank you. 

[glows]

36 minutes ago, Katherine81 said:

He sits in front of me in one class. I know he’s like every other guy, but for some reason he just makes me really nervous/excited… 

I guess you can sit there wondering what he thinks or find out for yourself. It starts with a simple hello. Don’t assume anything. Just say hi and go from there.

[Katherine81]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

By looking cute, cheerful and great hygiene (smell good).  Smile at him when you see him and then look away.  Don't be overt with your attraction, make him wonder.  If he sits in front of you or behind you ask him a question while looking him straight in the eyes but be the first to look away after he answers.  He'll notice.

I try to act cute, and I want to smile at him. But, how can I do it calmly, while my heart is continually jumping up and down….

I can try to ask him questions. 

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, Katherine81 said:

I try to act cute, and I want to smile at him. But, how can I do it calmly, while my heart is continually jumping up and down….

I can try to ask him questions. 

I didn't say "act" cute I said look cute.  Take a deep breath and just smile at him and go back to reading your book.  Ask him something about class or an assignment and when he answers don't forget to say thank you in a sweet voice.  There's no guarantees but as it stands if you don't try something, nothing is going to happen.  Let him know you're alive.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Katherine81 said:

How would I get him to notice me? Or send signals his way? 

Talk to him about the class, the subject, the teacher, ask about baseball. You need to be open and approachable for people to notice and warm up to you. If you tend to be too shy in general, talk to a trusted adult about it.

[Johnjohnson2017]

Do your eyes cross? Do you catch him looking at you? Those things might be signals.

Does he act differently around you, like shy?

He might have no idea you have a crush on him. I know a couple of times I never had a clue and I was completly surprised that someone was crushing on me. One was in middle school, another one was in college (crushes I had no idea about). 

Just start a conversation maybe asking him what he thinks about a class or subject. You do share classes in common. Use that as conversation starter.

[Will am I]

8 hours ago, Katherine81 said:

I will also feel like an openbook if I talk to him, meaning he’ll probably figure it out that I have a crush on him

Don’t count on it. Men aren’t always the best at reading these signals.

Or maybe he does notice, but dismisses the thought because he’s not 100% sure.

Be explicit. Ask him if he’d like to go on a date. Either it’s a yes and you have what you want, or it’s a no and you can stop worrying about it.

[Lotsgoingon]

Quit worrying about being and "open book."  There is a gap between what we feel and what others think we feel. Often a huge gap. 

And I've never been freaked out to learn that a woman likes me.  Now, if I didn't like her in the same way or if I disliked her, then there could be some awkwardness as I kept my distance. 

But all you're doing is being friendly and talkative. People often enjoy that without thinking, "she's in love with me."

A tip: at the end of class or as the end of class approaches, take a day or two to simply write down some thoughts and feelings you have. "Wow, the professor was really serious ab out X." Or "that section on Y was hard. How are you doing with it?"

The trick is we always have thoughts and feelings, and you just want to learn to share some of them that are appropriate. This actually takes practice. Just remember: you don't have to say very much. Just a few words. He responds. Next time or time after you say a few more words on the way out. He responds. The trick here: is that you are revealing a bit more about yourself and learning more about him with every exchange.

You may find your crush feeling evaporating. Or you might feel stronger. But you're not going to bond in one conversation. Take your time. At some point, you ask the person's name or you repeat it if you know the name from class. "You're John, right?" Wait for confirmation/nod. "I'm X." You introduce yourself. 

 

[Beachead]

@Katherine81

Be direct because there isn't going to be any instance in this situation where you two will naturally talk, no matter how many noises you make and subtle cues you give.   If you want to get to know him, you will have to talk to him, and it's going to be awkward and uncomfortable.  There is no way around it so you might as well just stop wasting your own time, get to it, and be direct so you can move forward with your life.  

Ask him out for coffee or something to that effect instead.  That question will tell him you're interested in him without you having to tell him you're interested him.    If he's attracted to you or interested atleast, he will agree to hang with you.  If he doesn't, you have your answer.  It just means nothing was ever going to happen and now you know that and you can move forward from it.   It'll sting but you'll live.  This guy isn't the end-all, be-all of your life.  You were fine before you met him.  You'll be fine afterwards.  If he does agree, you two already have something in common; school, class.  That's plenty to start off on. 

Guys don't usually freak out over being asked out and probably in this day and age, prefer it.  If you find out he thinks your easy because you were forward, then correct him.  If he pushes you for anything, drop him.  

I took a lot of rejection in the past, putting myself out there.  It sucked but after a few days, I just genuinely felt relieved that I didn't have to stress over it anymore and moving on was easy as a result.   Fast forward to now, if I'm interested and they are available, I just go for it, and bypass the whole unnecessary process of stressing.  What's wrong with shooting your shot?  You know what's worse?  The regret of doing nothing and wondering "What if I had?"

You're just attracted to the guy, that's all, but because you're afraid to make a move,  that attraction transformed itself into a building fantasy of who you think he is.  The reality is you know nothing about him.  He could be completely different from what you have in your mind.  Find out who he is or that fantasy is going to continue intensifying and eat you up inside and it might actually blind you from future opportunities and good things in your life.  

Goodluck

- Beach

Edited November 2, 2022 by Beachead

[JTSW]

You have two classes with him and he sits close to you.

Is this self chosen seating or were you assigned seats in the class?

If its the former then what I get from this is that the dude actually likes you and is probably in the same boat as you, wanting to talk but don't know how. 

Maybe turn to him in class and pretend there is something you don't understand and ask if he can help you. 

This will start the rapport then take it from there.

Good luck x