Cheating husband

[nini85pin]

So my husband and I have been together for 18yrs, I’ve recently found out he’s been on adult websites messaging prostitutes/escorts/sex workers whatever you want to call them. And he’s been an active member for the last 2years. He messaged 19 women in total some of which replied when he asked about availability or asked him to WhatsApp instead. Now from the messages, which are very sexual obviously I can see that whenever they’ve sent him available times he hasn’t responded. He sent explicit messages to some women that were quite perverse and I felt sick reading them. He said things he would say to me as his wife, compliments etc. On the bookings page he has none past or present, but I’m finding it difficult to believe him of course. Now this is something that has plagued our relationship throughout its entirety, secretly messaging other women, getting his ego stroked and having women tell them how attractive they think he is or how he should be with them, but up until now I’ve never had the proof, I’ve seen things before but he’d always delete them and deny it. He’d say I was seeing things or it was innocent, of course I never believed him but I chose to let it go for the sake of our family. He’s made other reckless choices involving drugs that have separated our family on a few occasions, but he got help. Sought counselling and promised he’d changed. But he never has!! 
we have to children currently and a 3rd on the way. I’ve spent the last week crying, not sleeping, not eating, snapping at my children because I’m lost and broken. I feel so alone. I’m waiting on help to see a counsellor as his mum passed away a few days before this all came out, and I lost my brother last year while I was pregnant with my daughter so my emotions are all over the place. 
My question is has anyone ever forgiven this many times before? Even if we get couples counselling can we ever truly move on and be happy? Will I resent him for the rest of our marriage? Does he even deserve another chance? If we didn’t have kids and 18yrs of our shared life there’s be no way I’d consider it, not for a second and I know I deserve better but I do love him of course I do. And I don’t want to go through the rest of this pregnancy worrying and stressing. I just don’t know which way to turn. 

[BaileyB]

I think there is a pattern of behavior here that you would be unwise to ignore.

I’m sorry that this is happening, but what you are asking is how do you continue with a man that you can not trust. Should I forgive? Will I be able to trust him and will I be able to live with peace of mind in the future and my answer would be no. You may be able to forgive but you will never be able to forget - you should never forget, because there is a pattern of behavior here that puts yourself and your family at risk. 

I would suggest that you get an STD test to be safe, particularly because you are about to give birth. 

Edited November 4, 2022 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, nini85pin said:

He’s made other reckless choices involving drugs that have separated our family on a few occasions, but he got help. Sought counselling and promised he’d changed. But he never has!

Sorry this is happening. The first step is to go to your physician, be frank about your husbands philandering and ask for STD testing. The next step to privately and confidentially speck with an attorney to discuss your situation in the event of divorce. Google "cross addiction", he may have replaced drugs with sex or may still be engaging in both. Seek support from trusted friends and family. But most of all see your physician and consult an attorney.