DazedNConfused13 Posted November 4, 2022 Share Posted November 4, 2022 I need some advice. I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for almost 3 years now. We have had some ups and downs, mainly due to him lying to me about petty stuff (always having to do with other women). He tries to justify the lying by saying "it's just to avoid conflict" because "I flip out over anything to do with another female", which I don't. I'm not a jealous or insecure person and have always been cool with him having female friends. Well, this one particular female friend has been present pretty much our whole relationship despite him lying about her multiple times, I always brushed it off and remained friendly with her. But the other day he asked me to grab his phone for him and the texts between her and him were open on his screen. The message I saw from her said "it's hard for me to know you're feeling bad and I can't put my hands on you to make you feel better". I didn't dig any more and instead I asked him about the message and he instantly got beyond angry with me for even implying that I was bothered by what I saw and I was being ridiculous. Am I crazy for thinking something might be going on? I feel like like I'm being gaslighted and really am driving myself insane by over thinking this. What would you think? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 4, 2022 Share Posted November 4, 2022 I worry that you're ignoring your instincts. What does your gut feeling tell you? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 4, 2022 Share Posted November 4, 2022 (edited) 27 minutes ago, DazedNConfused13 said: But the other day he asked me to grab his phone for him and the texts between her and him were open on his screen. The message I saw from her said "it's hard for me to know you're feeling bad and I can't put my hands on you to make you feel better". I didn't dig any more and instead I asked him about the message and he instantly got beyond angry with me for even implying that I was bothered by what I saw and I was being ridiculous. Am I crazy for thinking something might be going on? I feel like like I'm being gaslighted and really am driving myself insane by over thinking this. What would you think? This sounds like a set up. He asked you to grab his phone with their texts wide open for you to see, you see them, ask him about them and he flips it around is gets angry at you for asking and gaslights you by accusing you of being ridiculous? He set you up! My guess is he was aiming for you to see them and become angry so he could put it all in his arsenal of reasons to end things with you. He's on his way OUT (to be with her) and this is the first step, I'm sorry. Edited November 4, 2022 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2022 Share Posted November 5, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, DazedNConfused13 said: I feel like like I'm being gaslighted and really am driving myself insane by over thinking this. What would you think? Sorry this is happening. He's playing games and feeding his ego. In his mind you and all his female "friends" are fighting over him. He's turning you into someone you don't want to be. That doesn't happen in solid relationships. Do you really want this grief and strife and crazy making, just so he can feed his ego from multiple troughs? There's no reason to be "the cool GF", which is more accurately, a doormat who tries to hang on by accepting the unacceptable. Rethink who you want to be vs what his games and antics make you feel like. Reflect how much longer you want to entertain his nonsense. Edited November 5, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2022 Share Posted November 6, 2022 Gaslighting, punt him to the curb. Next time let this stuff be a dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 6, 2022 Share Posted November 6, 2022 I’d probably stop replying to texts and calls and see this person less and less while thinking things through. He would know it’s over from the silence. There are no words left over this if he’s denied it already once and determined to keep it concealed or live in his denial. It’s you who has to let go and find what makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted November 28, 2022 Share Posted November 28, 2022 Walk away now. He's not faithful at all. I can guarantee he's sleeping with this girl. He's addicted to all the female attention. Relieve him or yours immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionallybroken9 Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 Please, please, please, I’m a BS in a healthy and better relationship now, and life in general was amazing when I was single too, after leaving the cheating ex! Do you have kids together? No? Time to leave and start over! The sooner you leave on your own terms, the sooner you’ll begin to feel empowered again and ready to start over He sounds like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much investment for very little return, and the world is full of sooooo many potential better suitors Link to post Share on other sites
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