mrs rubble Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 Wow! Really? Earbud’s? This is so weird. Is it just me? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 20 hours ago, Gaeta said: I've learn to not share details of my love life with family. That's ok. Oversharing with family isn't wise anyway. So it's a matter of not going on to much about your lastest situation in general and with this friend in particular. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 8, 2022 Author Share Posted November 8, 2022 3 hours ago, mrs rubble said: Wow! Really? Earbud’s? This is so weird. Is it just me? What part is weird? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted November 8, 2022 Share Posted November 8, 2022 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: What part is weird? The whole flipping out over a set of earbuds! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 19, 2022 Author Share Posted November 19, 2022 So as I had expected he text me yesterday after 1 month. He only said 'good morning'. I did not reply. I may had replied if he had put some genuine effort in his message but just good morning? Nah. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 Does he have a tendency to lose his cool over small things? If he does and it is often directed at you, stop being friends. It was a one-off, which seemed prompted after he received a photo from you of your shiny new earbuds, have a heart-to-heart with him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 (edited) Chiming in late but curious if he ever became jealous over your ex whom you were with for six years? Seems weird that he would become jealous and territorial now after so many years and also fix you up with his friend but you never know I guess. I do think there's something going on though, some sort of hostility, besides the earbuds. That's merely a symptom of a larger issue. It's been a couple of weeks, have you talked to him about it yet? BTW, your new guy sounds amazing, I'm so happy for you G! 💛 Edited November 20, 2022 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 20, 2022 Author Share Posted November 20, 2022 @poppyfields: actually when l met my ex l slowed down our friendship. We go in touh politely a couple of times a year. I felt it was not proper for me to have many male friends while in a relationship, l dumped all my male friends except one who l knew wouldn't threaten a new boyfriend. When ex and l broke up we picked our friendship up where we had left it and he said he hopes l won't dump him again for a boyfriend. I did not intent on dumping him but he's making it hard with his attitude. In the past 2 years my friend has been very critical of all the men l dated. I'm not gonna let him ruin a good thing. The man l'm dating for 2.5 months now is absolutely amazing and crazy about me. I don't need that friend to rain on my parade. My bf and this friend also work in same field except my bf's career is very impressive and my friend is a junior in that field. When l told him what my new man did for work right away he tried to discourage me with: it's hard to date a scientist, he'll bring his work home, he'll be a lot in his head, you'll feel alone, blah blah blah. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 It sounds like non-romantic jealousy. He feels someone else has taken his place in making suggestions (in this case) to help in your life and he feels hurt. Childish, yes, but it's not unheard of for a friend to feel pushed aside when someone gets involved with a new romantic interest. I agree with those who don't feel you should just write the friendship off yet. Don't ignore his attempt to reach out, no matter how lame. Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel about what he said/did. And then listen to his response. Maybe there's more to this than what you are seeing. Just as you have little things from the past that you don't really like how he handled, he might have the same with you. Talk and listen and make sure there's nothing left of your friendship before just tossing him out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 (edited) 12 hours ago, Gaeta said: In the past 2 years my friend has been very critical of all the men l dated. I think this is about control. He suggests you date his friend/acquaintance (that’s ok), but is critical of the men you choose to date without his input (they are not ok for you to date, because he didn’t choose them). He says you need earbuds (that’s ok), but if these earbuds are coming from a source he doesn’t approve of, that’s not ok. And so forth. Also - I don’t know about him, but I would be offended if I had been dumped as a friend, while you were in a long-term relationship. That probably hurt him. Then, once the relationship was over, you reconnected. So he might feel somewhat resentful and offended about that, too. All in all, not a very stable foundation for a friendship, no matter who’s at fault. Edited November 20, 2022 by BrinnM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 12 hours ago, Gaeta said: In the past 2 years my friend has been very critical of all the men l dated. Do you think he's more of an orbiter than a friend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 20, 2022 Author Share Posted November 20, 2022 35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you think he's more of an orbiter than a friend? I was single 2 years and he never hinted at we could be more. He doesn't lack women's attention and he's not looking for a relationship. He feels he can teach me about men but get butt hurt if l don't listen. I'm not into playing games the way he is. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 20 hours ago, Gaeta said: So as I had expected he text me yesterday after 1 month. He only said 'good morning'. I did not reply. I may had replied if he had put some genuine effort in his message but just good morning? Nah. Agree. This guy has been all about his own inflated ego for awhile. I think he’s running low on people to leech off of and needs an ego boost. I don’t believe someone genuinely caring of you or interested in a friendship or even your very basic wellbeing from one human to another would have acted this way and then drop a random two word “good morning”. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted November 21, 2022 Share Posted November 21, 2022 Sometimes you just have to accept that friendships run their course, his behaviour is bizarre!! I had a female friend of nearly 30 years end our friendship about a 18 months ago, due to her antivax stance and disrespect for me and my job a a laboratory professional, I begged her to agree to disagree on this, nope she decided we couldn’t be friends anymore. I was really hurt by this, we had both helped each other out during really tough times over the course of our friendship. I’m only just getting over it now… I remind myself about exactly what we both did for each other, she helped me move on after my divorce (physical help in moving houses, & some childcare) I offered her a place to stay twice during her breakups, she and her two youngest daughters lived rent free in my house the second time was for approximately 6 months.. she also invited her boyfriend to stay (without my permission) he racked up a load of bills too… some people would end a friendship over that! I think you may need to accept that the friendship has run it’s course. True friendship shouldn’t end over ear pods or vaccines. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 21, 2022 Author Share Posted November 21, 2022 (edited) I thought about it the whole weekend and this morning I replied to his 'good morning' that I expected more than a couple of words after the way he attacked my character by accusing me of gaslighting him to then disappearing 1 month. His good morning is not enough. I added him and I may have different communication styles and may not agree on certain topics but him looking down on me and questioning my character like he did wasn't warranted. This is a make it or break it moment. If he gets back to me with all types of justification for his attack on me, we're done. Edited November 21, 2022 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted November 21, 2022 Share Posted November 21, 2022 On 11/19/2022 at 6:03 PM, Gaeta said: l dumped all my male friends except one who l knew wouldn't threaten a new boyfriend. I think it might be this. Men don’t open up to other men in general. They open up to women. Your role in this friends life is important to him and he’s afraid of being dumped like you did before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 21, 2022 Author Share Posted November 21, 2022 41 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: I think it might be this. Men don’t open up to other men in general. They open up to women. Your role in this friends life is important to him and he’s afraid of being dumped like you did before. When l met my current boyfriend, my friend voiced his concerned about that, l said i'm not repeating my same mistake and l had already told my new boyfriend about my 2 male friends. He was happy to hear that. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted November 21, 2022 Share Posted November 21, 2022 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: When l met my current boyfriend, my friend voiced his concerned about that, l said i'm not repeating my same mistake and l had already told my new boyfriend about my 2 male friends. He was happy to hear that. But in his mind perhaps it wasn’t serious then and the new guy wasn’t a risk. Now it seems the new guy has moved up to boyfriend and is more serious. This poses a threat to you and your friends relationship. If your boyfriend asked you to stop communicating with this friend would you? If it was a dealbreaker would you dump your boyfriend or dump your friend? I suspect you’d dump the friend and keep your boyfriend and your friend senses this. He’s fallen down the priority list. The earbuds were just the surface event that confirmed this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 21, 2022 Author Share Posted November 21, 2022 OMG he replied to my message, what is wrong with him! He said he is sick with difficulty breathing so for now he's focusing on getting better so he apologizes if he only sent a *good morning* last Friday. Huh what?? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 21, 2022 Share Posted November 21, 2022 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: OMG he replied to my message, what is wrong with him! He said he is sick with difficulty breathing so for now he's focusing on getting better so he apologizes if he only sent a *good morning* last Friday. Huh what?? He apologises for a basic greeting but didn't apologise for his previous bad behaviour? Sorry to say, but this guy is not one worth hanging onto Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted November 21, 2022 Author Share Posted November 21, 2022 33 minutes ago, basil67 said: He apologises for a basic greeting but didn't apologise for his previous bad behaviour? Sorry to say, but this guy is not one worth hanging onto I agree, the 5 lines he used to tell me he's sick could have been better used. Also if you're sick and not up to discuss what happenned.....don't text! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 22, 2022 Share Posted November 22, 2022 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: He said he is sick with difficulty breathing so for now he's focusing on getting better so he apologizes if he only sent a *good morning* Perhaps you've outgrown each other? You two almost seems like frenemies. Why harbor resentment? Let him step back if he wants to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted November 22, 2022 Share Posted November 22, 2022 (edited) On 11/6/2022 at 1:33 AM, ShyViolet said: The response from your friend was unbelievably rude. I wouldn't contact him. If anything he owes you a big apology. I 100% agree with this. This is the classic best friend secretly in love with you and insanely jealous of your boyfriend. Don't contact him. Let him lick his wounds and one day he will realise that he was totally out of order. I honestly think his claim that he is sick is BS. Edited November 22, 2022 by JTSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted November 22, 2022 Share Posted November 22, 2022 20 hours ago, Gaeta said: OMG he replied to my message, what is wrong with him! He said he is sick with difficulty breathing so for now he's focusing on getting better so he apologizes if he only sent a *good morning* last Friday. Huh what?? that's a poor-me distraction from owning his behavior. i'd say just let it lie, don't speak, don't "ignore" but, ehh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 22, 2022 Share Posted November 22, 2022 20 hours ago, Gaeta said: I agree, the 5 lines he used to tell me he's sick could have been better used. Also if you're sick and not up to discuss what happenned.....don't text! I'd just leave him on read at this point 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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