47 year old BF (long time friend) is temporarily broke and homeless, how long do I support him?

[S2B]

So - between last nights fee for the hotel and another $400 for tonight - you’ve added another $800 dollars you’ve just thrown completely away.

where is your healthy boundary? 
you have given him solid evidence he can mistreat you and you still keep throwing money at him.

how does that equate in your rational thinking? I’d like to know… it has nothing to do with a meeting for him today - he’s a big boy at 47 years old and SHOULD be capable of solving his OWN problems! 
 

at this point HE isn’t doing this to you - you are doing this to yourself. Why? Because you have had knowledge of his operating method yet you just keep saying yes to him using you.

Edited November 10, 2022 by S2B

[bene]

1 hour ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He had a high profile virtual event to do today and I HAD told him he could do it at my house. So, I did feel bad that if I pulled his hotel funding that he would lose his opportunity to do this event where he will actually make money.

I’m sorry but none of this sounds “high profile” to me. 

He’s 47 old man who has a family and alleged high profile clients and business associates. How exactly did you come to the conclusion that it’s somehow your responsibility to put a roof over his head? How come you are the last resort for him?

If he’s interested in pursuing you, he should be the one who is interested to put his best foot forward and solve his problems to be a better man for you. I’m sure he’s well aware that demanding money and throwing tantrums is not the way to court a woman. He just doesn’t care beyond getting his fix from you.

[S2B]

You asked how long do you support him. It should have been answered with zero days.

he should be capable of supporting himself. 

it’s not your responsibility to look after him!

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

No..I'm not.  He had a high profile virtual event to do today and I HAD told him he could do it at my house. So, I did feel bad that if I pulled his hotel funding that he would lose his opportunity to do this event where he will actually make money.

This is ridiculous.  The guy is nothing more than a deadbeat.   If he wants to make some money he can go get a normal job like anyone else.  Places are desperate for workers.  The "high profile" fancy stuff is either a thing of the past or a fantasy.  

 

[stillafool]

I think you need to take a break from men until you learn to create boundaries around yourself.  If not for you then definitely for your son.  I cannot believe you coughed up another $400 to someone who has used you for his bank.  $8,000 later and he's calling you names and you were going to offer up your house for his business meeting.  This is the reason he was with you all along.  Why wasn't he blocked after you dropped him off at the hotel and at least after he spent the night texting you calling you names?  You'd still have $400 today if you had blocked him.  What is it about this man that has made you so weak?  Is he blocked now?

[basil67]

4 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

No..I'm not.  He had a high profile virtual event to do today and I HAD told him he could do it at my house. So, I did feel bad that if I pulled his hotel funding that he would lose his opportunity to do this event where he will actually make money.

Practice this phrase and use it: NOT MY PROBLEM!

[Alvi]

Did he put a love spell on you or something? Because I cannot think of any other reasonable explanation why you would even want him anywhere near you, your son or your house. Yeah, love spell must be it. Either that or for some reason you cannot say no to people and enforce any boundaries whatsoever. Seriously, how on earth was he able to swindle you out of almost $8,000 dollars. Un-freakingbelievable. Do you really believe that there is a millionaire out there, who cannot flush a toilet and has a severe drinking problem and yet he asks money from a woman that he hardly knows? He is a con man, a swingler, but apparently whatever con he is running is working on you. He insults you some more and your response is to give him more money?????? Huh? 

Seriously, he is a grown ass man. He is going to do just fine without any of your help. And if he really is a millionaire and has tons of high-profile clients, then he should be more than fine. And there are always homeless shelters out there so no worries about him.

Please, please, pretty please, I am shouting here, STOP THIS INSANITY RIGHT NOW. Change locks, block him everywhere, do not answer any of his texts or phonecalls. Stop playing victum and take a charge of your life. Go to a police and see if it is possible to get your money back from this conman. Probably not, but you may find out that they are aware of him and the scams that he runs on women just like you. I doubt that you are the only one that he scammed, there are probably more. 

 

[Alvi]

3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

The "high profile" fancy stuff is either a thing of the past or a fantasy.  

Yeah, I am pretty sure it is either a fantasy or some elaborate con that he is running on women.

[Acacia98]

On 11/9/2022 at 11:11 PM, NuevoYorko said:

I wonder.  A guy that can't even buy a meal or pay for a hotel room?  Whatever real estate he owns must be mortgaged up the wazoo or he'd be borrowing against it already, rather than being a literal homeless person.   

The OP is certainly a "soft place to fall" but if he had other options I don't think he'd be as destitute as he is now.  I'm afraid that his options are tapped out. 

He may not be a millionaire, but he has other options. Manipulative, entitled people always do. They may be modest options, but they are options all the same. Folks like him just don't want to pursue those options because they require them to make a greater effort and inconvenience themselves. I have recently been dealing in a professional capacity with someone pretty similar to OP's guy. She has an income, she has assets. But she does a good job at manufacturing sob stories that will inspire people to reach into their pockets.

11 hours ago, howwouldiknownow22 said:

He kept insulting me...via text and then this morning I woke up to a screen shot of his bank account with only 50 bucks in it...saying he has no means to survive and asked to BORROW 400 dollars.  Sent me his Zelle bank info.  Then said he wouldn't contact me further if he could just have that to get another night at the hotel.

I sent him the money and he replied with "thank you , but it's pretty pathetic that you won't talk to me.  You are pathetic.  Then said he thought I was more emotionally stable than this..  and that now I'm ...him up in the process"

I haven't replied.  and I won't ... but, WOWWWWWWW is all I have to say.  WOWWWWW.  He has SOME NERVE!  

OP, you forgot to do the most important thing: blocking this guy. The thing you need to understand about highly manipulative people is that they get what they want out of people like you by keeping you at your most emotional. That ensures that you're not thinking logically and gives them continued access to your pockets or whatever else they may want from you. This guy has studied you well enough to know how to push your buttons. He knows that even if he makes you angry, he will get the desired outcome. It may seem counterintuitive, but it worked, didn't it? The surest way to rid yourself of him is to become indifferent to all his misfortunes, real as well as manufactured. When you're at the point where his best performance evokes nothing but a bored yawn from you, he will pack his bags up and move on to his next mark. But you're not likely to become indifferent overnight. That's where the blocking comes in. You block him, he has no access to you, you get a break from the manipulation, his hold on you weakens.

Don't make the mistake of trying to give him a piece of your mind or show him you know his game. As long as you engage with him, you give him the opportunity to manipulate you. Just block him everywhere, take back any and all keys, and make sure he can't use your name or ID to access other resources behind your back or manipulate other folks.

Edited November 11, 2022 by Acacia98