LSRed27 Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 I recently met a lovely man and we have so much in common in terms of interests and hobbies. However, he only recently separated from his wife; with whom, he has a five year old daughter, he also has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He is currently living with his mother until he finds a suitable place to live. Has anyone had a similar experience? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 For me, the fact that he's living with his mother would be more of a red flag than the kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 2 hours ago, LSRed27 said: he only recently separated from his wife; with whom, he has a five year old daughter, he also has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He is currently living with his mother until he finds a suitable place to live. Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you meet? He's still married and simply camping at his mother's. He is very high risk for headaches and heartaches for you. It sounds like he's looking for temporary company to support him through the throes of divorce. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSRed27 Posted November 10, 2022 Author Share Posted November 10, 2022 20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How did you meet? He's still married and simply camping at his mother's. He is very high risk for headaches and heartaches for you. It sounds like he's looking for temporary company to support him through the throes of divorce. Thanks for your response. I was in a bar with my friend and he initially approached me. He was open and honest about his situation but had only moved out of his marital home the week before. Since the beginning, he has been very interested, very attentive and full of compliments when we've been on dates. We get on extremely well and the chemistry is amazing but I'm not sure if he's had time to process his separation which concerns me and I'm fully aware the situation is risky and potential red flags are present. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 When I left my marriage, I had already done my processing and pretty much hit the ground running. But even I see one week separated as being exceptionally early and I would imagine he's still a little in shock at the huge life change. If I were you, I'd prepare for him being around for a good time, not a long time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 Never ever ever... He should be concentrating on finding a place & finalising his divorce. His free time should be devoted to his children in these difficult moments. Dating should be the last thing on his mind. Don't date men recenty seperated. Him being nice to you has nothing to do with your decision here. I would be embarassed to date a grown man, a father, living at his mother! That doesn't embarass you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 Of course not. . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 I suspect what he really wants is to just get some action. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 I would not expect any kind of a serious relationship with this man… what’s more, I would be very wary of a man who is pursuing another woman one week after separating from his wife. Not only has he not even met with the lawyer yet, he hasn’t even unpacked his things at his mother’s home. He has a lot to do before he is ready for a serious relationship - despite what he may tell you. He may want another relationship, but he probably needs to spend some time on his own for a while… 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 7 hours ago, LSRed27 said: I recently met a lovely man and we have so much in common in terms of interests and hobbies. However, he only recently separated from his wife; with whom, he has a five year old daughter, he also has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He is currently living with his mother until he finds a suitable place to live. Has anyone had a similar experience? Has he asked you to be his girlfriend? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 10, 2022 Share Posted November 10, 2022 Not if you have any expectations beyond something casual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 He's on the rebound. Hasn't even gotten an apartment to parent his kids at. Sounds like she kicked him out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 In my opinion, he needs more time to be more settled, work out his coparenting and find his own place. I was also separated some time ago (later stages of separation and fully separated) when I met someone recently separated.. living in the same house as his soon to be ex wife, in the basement. We had a nice coffee and I lent an ear and shared some advice that was also shared with me. He seemed chatty. So you met someone who would have been lovely aside from his circumstances. Now doesn’t seem to be the right time but that all depends on what you’re looking for. He’s probably doing his best to make sense of things and move on. What he offers though may not be what you’re looking for, nothing against him. I suggest you check in with yourself about what you’re looking for in a relationship and decide whether this is what you’re looking for. Come to your own conclusion and think this through. Think about how/where you’ll be spending time together if your place is the only place available and/or how the situation unfolds as he works through the rest of his custody details, separation/moving and divorce. Keep in mind they may not divorce either as they haven’t gotten that far. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 12 hours ago, LSRed27 said: . I was in a bar with my friend and he initially approached me. He only moved out of his marital home the week before. Someone who's out picking up women in bars while still married and claiming to be "separated", isn't someone who you can build anything with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 Sorry OP but this is far too soon after his marriage break up. He see's you as a rebound. I wouldn't get involved with a man that's still married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSRed27 Posted November 11, 2022 Author Share Posted November 11, 2022 18 hours ago, stillafool said: Has he asked you to be his girlfriend? He hasn't asked but seems reluctant to say what he's looking for and also told me he doesn't like labels. Said he wants to take it slow and see where it leads. A lot of the time, he is playing golf with his friends so he isn't always available. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 I'm not sure how we can answer on your behalf. Does it bother YOU that he's a separated man with young children? Personally, it would bother me. Especially at only one week after separation! The "living with his mum temporarily" thing might be unavoidable, as he might not have been able to arrange for childcare for his children on such short notice, so that wouldn't be an issue for me (as long as it was truly temporary). But everything else would be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 38 minutes ago, LSRed27 said: He hasn't asked but seems reluctant to say what he's looking for and also told me he doesn't like labels. Said he wants to take it slow and see where it leads. A lot of the time, he is playing golf with his friends so he isn't always available. Oh I see. The title of this thread reads like he's asked and you're trying to decide if you should accept. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 1 hour ago, LSRed27 said: He hasn't asked but seems reluctant to say what he's looking for and also told me he doesn't like labels. Said he wants to take it slow and see where it leads. A lot of the time, he is playing golf with his friends so he isn't always available. Unfortunately you wouldn't be a GF you would be a mistress because he is married and just staying at mom's during a transition. He wants sex during this time, not more relationship complications. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 11, 2022 Share Posted November 11, 2022 1 hour ago, LSRed27 said: He hasn't asked but seems reluctant to say what he's looking for and also told me he doesn't like labels. Said he wants to take it slow and see where it leads. A lot of the time, he is playing golf with his friends so he isn't always available. What's the appeal? Is he godlike in appearance? Otherwise, married guys who don't like labels and who are minimally available are a dime a dozen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted November 14, 2022 Share Posted November 14, 2022 On 11/11/2022 at 6:25 PM, LSRed27 said: He hasn't asked but seems reluctant to say what he's looking for and also told me he doesn't like labels. Said he wants to take it slow and see where it leads. A lot of the time, he is playing golf with his friends so he isn't always available. This says it all. He doesn't want a girlfriend. He's using you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2022 Share Posted November 14, 2022 I would not date someone this fresh out of a marriage. It's bound to be a fling and nothing more, OP. He's nowhere near ready for another relationship, and won't be for a while. He's just looking for a good time while he deals with the demise of his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Maldives Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 On 11/10/2022 at 11:33 PM, LSRed27 said: I recently met a lovely man and we have so much in common in terms of interests and hobbies. However, he only recently separated from his wife; with whom, he has a five year old daughter, he also has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He is currently living with his mother until he finds a suitable place to live. Has anyone had a similar experience? I think it depends on you and your boundaries. By the sounds of it you just asking the question tells me that this may be crossing one of your boundaries and not what your looking for so I wouldn't proceed. I don't think there's any issues with him being seperated or having kids but the question is whether that's ok with you and is it what you want from a relationship. It reminds me of my last relationship. When I met my ex. She had three kids and I knew deep down that's not what i was looking for but because I really liked her, I tried to continue and I never was able to commit fully and always had one foot kind of dangling out the door which ultimately destroyed the relationship years down the track. Just be mindful of that for yourself. If it's not really what you're looking for and that bothers you, I wouldn't proceed. Even though you have a great connection, It could taint things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted November 17, 2022 Share Posted November 17, 2022 This screams "rebound" all over it. I'm sure you are excited about the prospect of a new relationship but approach this with caution. He's not in a good place right now and he's got a lot to sort out before he can even think about being with someone else. At least, not in a decent way. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamGuyxo Posted November 21, 2022 Share Posted November 21, 2022 If you have feelings for somebody and you are comfortable there are no boundaries that you would consider. Ask yourself these questions to see if you are truly comfortable, Do you think that you will be happy if you dated him in the long run? with his kids and family? Desire to be with somebody can make anything happen even if you are weary and intimidated. Cheers! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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