He stopped initiating contact but always replies and asks me out

[karendonaire]

Well, we were only on 3 dates in the last two weeks. He used to initiate contact frequently but in the past few days, he stopped that. To be fair, I left him hanging with no reply for a day or so once or twice but eventually I got back to him... he didn't try to text again when I didn't reply but answered back once I did. What changed now is that he stopped starting the convo. Replies, etc. and seem to be happy to hear from me.

I ignored his date request actually about a week ago (answered another question of his instead). he never brought this up again and we kept talking, but this no initiating started to happen a few days after this "ignoring" the date question (not immediately). just now, he asked me to check my schedule again because he would like to see me.

What puzzles me is that why he suddenly stopped initiating. I would understand this if it happens after I ignored his date question (first) but not days later. 

[glows]

Turn the tables around for a second and ask yourself if you’d initiate as much after someone ignores you after you’ve asked them out on a date. 

I don’t think the timeline matters or how much time inbetween. He might have taken some time to process and then realized it’s not worth it, is trying a second time because you seem to be responsive and I wouldn’t be surprised if he disappears if you ignore him again. Do you really want to live like this? What’s the point of talking to someone if you’ll ignore what they say?

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, karendonaire said:

I ignored his date request actually about a week ago. but this no initiating started to happen a few days after this "ignoring" the date question. What puzzles me is that why he suddenly stopped initiating

Why did you ignore his date question? Try to be forthcoming and straight with people. It makes it a lot easier than trying to figure out if his fading interest is due to you're inexplicable retreat from a simple honest question. If you would like to see him and he asks you, set it up. Keep in mind texting is not dating and what happens in person is more important than texting.

[karendonaire]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why did you ignore his date question? 

To be fair, i texted him two days after the 3rd date, got talking and he told me that he is going to check out a museum. Asked if I'd like to come with him, I said yes. Then asked which day is the best for me, that's the part I ignored. I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment. He never brought this up again. 4-5 days after this, he told me to check my schedule as he would like to see me. I was upbeat but I didn't reply yet (I didn't have the chance to check it yet)

[basil67]

50 minutes ago, karendonaire said:

 Asked if I'd like to come with him, I said yes. Then asked which day is the best for me, that's the part I ignored. I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment. He never brought this up again. 4-5 days after this, he told me to check my schedule as he would like to see me. I was upbeat but I didn't reply yet (I didn't have the chance to check it yet)

He probably thinks that you're playing games with him or have low interest.   If you want a guy to be attentive, then you would be best to hold up your end of the deal too. 

 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, karendonaire said:

To be fair, i texted him two days after the 3rd date, got talking and he told me that he is going to check out a museum. Asked if I'd like to come with him, I said yes. Then asked which day is the best for me, that's the part I ignored. I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment.

One would think that you'd be pleased now that he's backed off, since asking you for a date a few days following your 3rd date was "too much too soon" for you.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, karendonaire said:

Well, we were only on 3 dates in the last two weeks. He used to initiate contact frequently but in the past few days, he stopped that. To be fair, I left him hanging with no reply for a day or so once or twice but eventually I got back to him... he didn't try to text again when I didn't reply but answered back once I did. What changed now is that he stopped starting the convo. Replies, etc. and seem to be happy to hear from me.

I ignored his date request actually about a week ago (answered another question of his instead). he never brought this up again and we kept talking, but this no initiating started to happen a few days after this "ignoring" the date question (not immediately). just now, he asked me to check my schedule again because he would like to see me.

What puzzles me is that why he suddenly stopped initiating. I would understand this if it happens after I ignored his date question (first) but not days later. 

What difference does it make?  He's seeing you and asking you out.  The way you act it's as if you aren't interested in texting so he only answers when you do.  That is smart of him.  You did say "too much too soon" so now you got your wish.

[NuevoYorko]

Do you actually want to date this guy?

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, karendonaire said:

To be fair, i texted him two days after the 3rd date, got talking and he told me that he is going to check out a museum. Asked if I'd like to come with him, I said yes. Then asked which day is the best for me, that's the part I ignored. I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment. He never brought this up again. 4-5 days after this, he told me to check my schedule as he would like to see me. I was upbeat but I didn't reply yet (I didn't have the chance to check it yet)

I am confused why you didn't simply respond saying "let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."  Or something like.

And then check your calendar and respond back!  That's what interested people do last I checked.  

It takes 10 seconds and I'm sure he would have appreciated that versus you just ignoring.  It might have changed the entire outcome.

Think about how you would feel if the tables were turned and you asked him what day works best and he ignored you.

Ignoring may be the one of the most insulting thing one could do to another person.

I echo the question, are you into this guy?

Edited November 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

Every once in a while, a thread similar to this one resurfaces. If it is related, I am not sure what advice you are seeking. Playing games won't help you if you're interested.

[Alvi]

5 hours ago, karendonaire said:

I ignored his date request actually about a week ago (answered another question of his instead). 

To be fair, if he ignored your dating request, would you still be talking to this guy? Interested people show enthusiasm and act interested. Just something to keep in mind for the future. A good news here is that he hasn't given up on you entirely. Take some initiative and ask when he is free and then ask him out for a cup of coffee or some activity.

 

4 hours ago, karendonaire said:

I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment.

Too soon for what? He asked you to go to a museum with him. It would be understandable if he asked you to come to his place and you didn't feel right about that.  But a museum date? Are you sure you are into him?

 

5 hours ago, karendonaire said:

What puzzles me is that why he suddenly stopped initiating.

Because he thinks that you are  either flaky or have low interest. But he is not at a point just yet where he either ghosts/blocks you or stops writing to you completely. But it's coming if you continue evading his date requests.

5 hours ago, karendonaire said:

4-5 days after this, he told me to check my schedule as he would like to see me. I was upbeat but I didn't reply yet (I didn't have the chance to check it yet)

OK, is there a reason why you cannot actually check your schedule? Are you sure that you are interested in dating him? If not, wish him well and let him go. But if you are, be more proactive because he is unlikely going to wait for you forever.

[glows]

6 hours ago, karendonaire said:

To be fair, i texted him two days after the 3rd date, got talking and he told me that he is going to check out a museum. Asked if I'd like to come with him, I said yes. Then asked which day is the best for me, that's the part I ignored. I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment. He never brought this up again. 4-5 days after this, he told me to check my schedule as he would like to see me. I was upbeat but I didn't reply yet (I didn't have the chance to check it yet)

Is there something about him putting you off? People who feel comfortable and like each other usually open up and want to respond to one another. That’s how bonds are formed and rapport is built.

Each time you feel overwhelmed or like it’s too much ask yourself why. There may be a very good reason for it that you’re ignoring. If there isn’t any solid reason, reconsider this approach as it breaks down the communication. 

In a world full of misunderstandings why take that risk?

[S2B]

I think you both have low interest. If you aren’t totally into him - end it.

it looks like you are wasting his time/energy playing games. He probably doesn’t like that.

[ExpatInItaly]

You are showing low interest, OP. 

That's why he's not initiating. Why would he waste his time when you play games with him? 

[JTSW]

11 hours ago, karendonaire said:

I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment. He never brought this up again. 4-5 days after this, he told me to check my schedule as he would like to see me. I was upbeat but I didn't reply yet (I didn't have the chance to check it yet)

This!

You gave him the vibe that you weren't all that interested so he backed off.

He's not doing anything wrong. 

It's you that's conveying mixed signals.

If you want something with this guy then don't ignore him when he asks you out.

Edited November 11, 2022 by JTSW

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, karendonaire said:

Well, we were only on 3 dates in the last two weeks, I left him hanging with no reply for a day or so once or twice but eventually I got back to him... 

Also keep in mind that after 3 dates, you're not exclusive and both still talking to and meeting others, so your hesitation and seeming indifference may have led him to follow up with someone more interested in him.

[karendonaire]

Thank you everyone. I found out why I feel this way. I told him about a month ago, before our first date - when we met in the gym, it is important for me that we text everyday. He doesn't text me everyday, we don't chat (sometimes we do have a chat conversation for an hour on Instagram) - sometimes he just sends me a couple of texts all day. I told about this to him on our second date that it is what I would like as this is how I feel connected to him. He still doesn't do it. Sometimes he texts me something funny and I react to it with a "haha" iPhone emoji and then he doesn't carry on with the conversation. I have to initiate again to strike up something. Two days ago, he didn't text me all day. He went to LA with his friends for the day, so he wasn't busy with work - not even a "hey"... this bothers me (he still asks me out for dates and we are going out next week tho)

[S2B]

He makes minimal effort - that means he isn’t prioritizing you. He is prioritizing other things/people.

do you have sex with him when you see him?

and which day next week will you see him?

he didn’t ask you out for this weekend?

Edited November 12, 2022 by S2B

[NuevoYorko]

Even before you started dating a guy you told him that you want to text every day?

But then you "punished" him by not responding to his text and "left him hanging for a day or so"  once or twice, and ignored his date request?  

And you've only gone out with him a handful of times so there is no established relationship between you?

Frankly, I am unsure why any guy would stick around for this.  It sounds like you have a lot of rules and there is not any room for a connection to organically develop.  I'd be long gone.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, karendonaire said:

I told him about a month ago, before our first date - when we met in the gym, it is important for me that we text everyday. 

The most important thing to remember is that texting is not dating. And trying to text-tether someone or seek a textbuddy is not dating. Try not to get addicted to pings, that's a false security and connection. While compatible communication styles is important, expecting too many texts could sabotage your dating success.

 Keep in mind, texting is lazy, cheap and meaningless. Anyone can text from a toilet or another woman's bathroom or while watching TV.. Try to elevate your standards so that texting it brief, simple and mostly for setting up in person dates. Dating is dating and if a guy won't set that up and just texts, cut your losses.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your expectations are rather unrealistic for a guy who barely knows you, OP. 

 

[smackie9]

On 11/10/2022 at 1:33 PM, karendonaire said:

To be fair, i texted him two days after the 3rd date, got talking and he told me that he is going to check out a museum. Asked if I'd like to come with him, I said yes. Then asked which day is the best for me, that's the part I ignored. I just felt, it is too much too soon that moment. He never brought this up again. 4-5 days after this, he told me to check my schedule as he would like to see me. I was upbeat but I didn't reply yet (I didn't have the chance to check it yet)

You said yes, then ignored him to pick a day. That's pretty rude. If you have anxiety, you must communicated this to him then he will understand to approach things differently. If it's too much too soon just say so instead of looking like a jerk playing games.

Edited November 13, 2022 by smackie9

[basil67]

On 11/13/2022 at 5:15 AM, karendonaire said:

I found out why I feel this way. I told him about a month ago, before our first date - when we met in the gym, it is important for me that we text everyday. 

 Your expectations are unreasonable for someone you've only just started dating.   But if you must text with him every day, how often do you initiate a text conversation?   And do you make allowances for him being at work?

All that said, playing games of ignoring is not a healthy way to deal with him not texting as often as you like.  Will you miss him if he just stops bothering with you because of your silences?  If not, you may as well cut him free now. 

 

[S2B]

He’s likely dating multiple gals.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

He’s likely dating multiple gals.

Of course he is.  He's living his life and doing what he wants.   If you want texting everyday you should initiate it.  People with full lives may not have time to constantly text.