ms.stressed Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 Please don't hate me, lol! I'm not an avid text back person, lol! I don't. However, 9 times out of 10, if I gave you my number, it means I like you or I'm interested. Being shy and a bit insecure generally means I'm probably waiting until I feel happy or comfortable texting you back. So don't be discouraged. If you like her, keep texting her or writing her...she's probably reading them and seeing if you're worth it. I don't want anyone thinking I need to text them back if they text me. I don't want to feel any obligations to anyone I'm seeing other than mutual respect and attraction and hopefully love. I'm a feminist, I don't want to tied die to any obligations in my relationship. I want them to embrace and celebrate me and my feelings, as I celebrate adn embrace theirs. I hope you understand, lol! We're just shy and probably insecure, lol! And if she gave you her number, she likes you. She probably just needs to feel comfortable, lol! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 I fear this approach could leave you only with guys who can't read social cues, have obsessive tendancies or stalkers contacting you. All of the 'normal' men would figure that your non response means that you're not interested or are just plain rude and move on. If you're hoping for a healthy relationship, I suggest you act in a manner which will attract well balanced men. However, if you're not comfortable in responding to men, I kindly suggest you hold off dating until you are more comfortable having a two way conversation. I'm only saying this because don't want to see you attracting the wrong kind of men and ending up in another terrible relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 (edited) Also, it does happen that a woman gives out her number and then changes her mind. A non response indicates that you've changed your mind, and a guy who doesn't text twice is respecting this. Edited November 12, 2022 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted November 12, 2022 Author Share Posted November 12, 2022 28 minutes ago, basil67 said: I fear this approach could leave you only with guys who can't read social cues, have obsessive tendancies or stalkers contacting you. All of the 'normal' men would figure that your non response means that you're not interested or are just plain rude and move on. If you're hoping for a healthy relationship, I suggest you act in a manner which will attract well balanced men. However, if you're not comfortable in responding to men, I kindly suggest you hold off dating until you are more comfortable having a two way conversation. I'm only saying this because don't want to see you attracting the wrong kind of men and ending up in another terrible relationship. Only if they're complaining..or if they've stated not to contact them...most people will not give out their number...they shouldn't, at least until they get to know someone...I don't advise being with someone you don't feel comfortable being yourself around...or who make you feel like walking on eggshells. It takes a special knowing to understand people. As an introvert, it's easier for me to run or say no, than it is for me to say yes...most kids come to school and they don't speak until they know you...just food for thought. I'm not going to make my children speak to me. I'm going to continue saying hi, and being polite until they feel like speaking back to me, lol! It's not breaking boundaries, it's just being sweet, and it's kinda nice, to respect the fact that I don't have to speak back to you, lol! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 (edited) 25 minutes ago, ms.stressed said: Only if they're complaining..or if they've stated not to contact them Of course. But this requires an actual response from the woman. Others just ignore. Quote ...most people will not give out their number...they shouldn't, at least until they get to know someone... But women do. And they change their minds and men know that this happens and any sensible guy will walk away. I've seen discussions here about women not responding and the guys getting so disillusioned about it. Quote I don't advise being with someone you don't feel comfortable being yourself around...or who make you feel like walking on eggshells. It takes a special knowing to understand people. For sure! You should never date someone who you aren't comfortable being around or who's actions make you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Quote Most kids come to school and they don't speak until they know you... I've worked in kindergarten and kids do establish conversations with others on day one. When two new kids standing together over the dress up box or sharing a train set, they'll start talking to each other. Meanwhile, my daughter's best friend in primary school, started a week later than the other kids....after their friendships had already been established. My 4yo daughter went straight up to the new kid and said "would you like to play with me?" Granted, not all kids are going to care for the new one, but isn't it nice to make a stranger feel welcome? Quote just food for thought. I'm not going to make my children speak to me. I'm going to continue saying hi, and being polite until they feel like speaking back to me, lol! Yes, kids don't speak till they are ready. But they don't magically learn how to have conversation - parents need to model it from the time they are infants. Politeness and "hi" doesn't cut it. Heck, even my parrots ask "what are you doing?" Quote It's not breaking boundaries, it's just being sweet, and it's kinda nice, to respect the fact that I don't have to speak back to you, lol! Do guys actually keep sending you texts without you responding? Do they turn out to be emotionally healthy men? Edited November 12, 2022 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 27 minutes ago, ms.stressed said: As an introvert, it's easier for me to run or say no, than it is for me to say yes. Also, I think you're confusing introversion with shyness. Introverts do social activities and enjoy them, but they find the situation draining. I'm an introvert - I can and do talk with strangers, I go to parties and chat with all and sundry...and when I was dating, I could chat with any guy. But I take a day to recover from a party. And I take a week to recover from the Christmas season. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 This is strange advice, telling men that they should keep texting a woman who doesn't text back. In most cases we would advise someone in this situation to stop chasing the person and move on. By not texting back you are sending the message that you're not interested. No one with any self-respect is going to chase you and stick around through these very mixed messages. If you don't want to communicate with people openly without playing games then you probably aren't ready to date. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Maldives Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 On 11/13/2022 at 2:16 AM, ms.stressed said: Please don't hate me, lol! I'm not an avid text back person, lol! I don't. However, 9 times out of 10, if I gave you my number, it means I like you or I'm interested. Being shy and a bit insecure generally means I'm probably waiting until I feel happy or comfortable texting you back. So don't be discouraged. If you like her, keep texting her or writing her...she's probably reading them and seeing if you're worth it. I don't want anyone thinking I need to text them back if they text me. I don't want to feel any obligations to anyone I'm seeing other than mutual respect and attraction and hopefully love. I'm a feminist, I don't want to tied die to any obligations in my relationship. I want them to embrace and celebrate me and my feelings, as I celebrate adn embrace theirs. I hope you understand, lol! We're just shy and probably insecure, lol! And if she gave you her number, she likes you. She probably just needs to feel comfortable, lol! I wish it was that easy but we're only human and feedback is important and when I don't get feedback that either tells me they're not interested and it's kind of Not a nice feeling when you don't hear back from someone. You're texting so it's not easy. We can't read your minds. If you haven't noticed, there's a lot of posts on this forum about people not receiving a response and what should they do? And generally the advice is that the other person's not interested. Thanks for your feedback. But everyone's different and not necessarily the same as how you feel. Sorry to say that that's my take on it. No one should be a mind reader Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 On 11/12/2022 at 8:16 PM, ms.stressed said: So don't be discouraged. If you like her, keep texting her or writing her. I really disgree with this. For most, not responding to a message means you are not interested. It's not up to them to read your mind until you see fit to text back. You are not going to get very far with dating if this is your approach, and you will wind up shooting yourself in the foot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 On 11/12/2022 at 2:16 PM, ms.stressed said: If you like her, keep texting her or writing her.. Um, no. No response is a response: it says "not interested." Telling men to keep texting a woman who has not responded is tantamount to encouraging harassing behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 (edited) On 11/12/2022 at 1:16 PM, ms.stressed said: Being shy and a bit insecure generally means I'm probably waiting until I feel happy or comfortable texting you back. That’s not going to work very well for you in any relationship - romantic or platonic. It’s rather self absorbed to say - keep texting, I’ll reply when I’m feeling happy or comfortable enough to text you back. With kindness, if you are playing games like that you are not ready to date. On 11/12/2022 at 1:16 PM, ms.stressed said: I'm a feminist, I don't want to tied die to any obligations in my relationship. A “feminist” who is in a relationship with another (whether that is romantic or platonic) will be obligated to their relationship partner. Edited November 16, 2022 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 On 11/12/2022 at 4:32 PM, ms.stressed said: most kids come to school and they don't speak until they know you... As one who visits schools and daycares everyday for work, I will say that this is not true. Healthy, well adjusted children will have conversations with other children and adults. This who are deprived and seeking attention, will seek out adults and try to engage that adult in conversation and play. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 17, 2022 Share Posted November 17, 2022 Real life doesn't work like a good old Arlequin book. (You're probably too young to know what those are.) Dating requires some reciprocation. If you don't make an effort. Don't show your interest, then it's not gonna happen. I don't know why being a feminist comes into play here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 Sorry but a lot of girls hand out their number because they don't like confrontation by rejecting someone. Guys do try but if you don't step up and communicate they just assume and ditch you. If you expect being accepted for your feelings etc...they have to be reciprocated with good communication, or you will continue to be at a loss for finding someone. Making an announcement here isn't going to change your situation. Learn to overcome your anxiety. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 On 11/12/2022 at 5:32 PM, ms.stressed said: respect the fact that I don't have to speak back to you, lol! I don’t get the multiple LOLs here at all, especially in the OP - but if you don’t want to communicate, or if you’re too anxious or too lazy to interact, then don’t expect anything to develop. And that’s the end of it. Or what am I missing? You seriously expect a guy to “keep texting”, even if you don’t reply, so that he can prove to you that he is “worth it”? That’s so backwards, and so immature. Learn to communicate, girl, or else not only men but everybody will find you pretty boring. I get it, if you’re insecure & shy, you might have a problem with dating, but you can’t expect the man to solve that problem for you. Work on your personality/anxiety, because passively “collecting” 10 texts and not replying won’t work. Nobody wants to be called a stalker or a psycho, so any halfway-normal guy will look elsewhere. The one guy out of maybe 100 who - after zero replies - keeps going and trying to communicate, is probably insane and tone-deaf. Not a good choice!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 On 11/12/2022 at 2:16 PM, ms.stressed said: If you like her, keep texting her or writing her...she's probably reading them and seeing if you're worth it. I don't want anyone thinking I need to text them back if they text me. I don't want to feel any obligations to anyone I'm seeing other than mutual respect and attraction and hopefully love. That's perfectly fine for you to feel this way but don't feel slighted or angry when those guys move on to girls who are more interested. And there are plenty of girls who are so do you blame them? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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