used1211 Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 I met an man on a dating app around 6 weeks ago and began chatting. He told me he was expecting a baby with his ex and that she was 12 weeks pregnant, but that he was not going to be involved with her or baby. He said they didn’t speak at all so I was all okay with this and had no problem getting involved with him. After about 3 weeks of chatting we went on a date and had sex. We had another date with the same again which I thought went well. The following week he invited me to stay around at his place and I ended up staying for 4 or so days. He seemed to like me enough to keep seeing me and having sex with me! He never asked me to leave either. After those 4 days he asked me for some space to think as he felt things were full on and was confused… he then came back a few days later and told me he still has feelings for his ex and the baby and really wants to patch things up with her… I of course hit the roof! If he’s told me had had any plans to see/be involved with this baby I would have never met him for a date let alone slept with him! Am I wrong to feel completely used? I only saw him in person for 2 weeks, but I asked him multiple times his plans for ex and the baby and he told me he wasn’t being involved. But then I’ve been quickly binned off for her. I made it pretty clear to him that I was looking for a relationship. He's blocked my number and blocked me everywhere including social media. I’ve been looking at his gfs multiple times every day for the past 2 weeks trying to figure out if they have patched things up or not! I’m not sure what I should do as I really liked him! They were together about 18 months and we are all mid-late 20s. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 12, 2022 Share Posted November 12, 2022 19 minutes ago, used1211 said: He told me he was expecting a baby with his ex and that she was 12 weeks pregnant… he then came back a few days later and told me he still has feelings for his ex and the baby and really wants to patch things up with her… Sorry this happened. He seems like a low integrity man who cheats on his GFs and abandons women like trash quite offhandedly. You dodged a bullet. Delete and block him And ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. In the future if there are red flags such as messy engagements with other women, cut your losses sooner rather than later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 13, 2022 Share Posted November 13, 2022 Be glad you know now - and not several years more wasted. hopefully you used birth control and condoms for STI’s. it’s actually making me feel better about his character - as when I first read she was pregnant and he just basically dropped her without ANY thought of being involved with his own child - made me think the guy had NO feelings/NO conscience about doing what’s right. but time will tell. be glad it’s over. He doesn’t seem too much like a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 14, 2022 Share Posted November 14, 2022 You say you feel he used you but didn't you also want and enjoy the sex too? How is that being used? You had a choice whether to have sex or not and you went for it on your first date with him. You could have waited and kept dating to see if it were leading to a relationship before you jumped into bed with him. Very few people know they want someone as their bf/gf from a first date. I would never date a man who I knew had just knocked up his ex and was shortly expecting a baby. It's not easy for a man to just walk away from a situation like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author used1211 Posted November 14, 2022 Author Share Posted November 14, 2022 We didn’t use condoms no but I’m on the pill. I know it’s only a couple of weeks but I really thought it was going somewhere. If he’d told me the truth and that he would be involved I wouldn’t have even met him. I hope she doesn’t take him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author used1211 Posted November 14, 2022 Author Share Posted November 14, 2022 Also- I feel used as I was clear with him I was looking for a relationship. In our time together I did keep asking him to make sure about the baby situation and he told me it was done. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted November 14, 2022 Share Posted November 14, 2022 He's just trying to rebound into new relationships way too quickly. Then his ex opens the door and obviuously there's still a lot of feelings there. Breakups during pregnancy are probably not the cool, rational kind. Not to mention the feelings he may have about the baby and his role as a father. Link to post Share on other sites
partycity Posted November 14, 2022 Share Posted November 14, 2022 Why are you hoping he doesn’t go back to her? He is the father. They are a family 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 14, 2022 Share Posted November 14, 2022 On 11/12/2022 at 2:30 PM, used1211 said: I’m not sure what I should do as I really liked him! They were together about 18 months and we are all mid-late 20s. There's nothing for you to do but put this behind you and heal from it. He's gone back to her and blocked you. Thank God it was only 2 weeks (14 days) you knew him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 14, 2022 Share Posted November 14, 2022 At this point be glad it’s over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 On 11/12/2022 at 8:30 PM, used1211 said: He told me he was expecting a baby with his ex and that she was 12 weeks pregnant, but that he was not going to be involved with her or baby. He said they didn’t speak at all so I was all okay with this and had no problem getting involved with him. You should have had a problem with it. These are major red flags from the beginning and you didn't recognize them as such. Diving head-first into something with a guy who's very recently gotten an ex pregnant (and claimed to want to nothing to do with her or his child) shows a lack of judgment on your part. Take some time off dating and learn to strengthen your own boundaries. It seems you have set the bar too low for yourself and you're letting low-quality guys in your life. That's not good and will come back to bite you in worse ways than a fling going back to his baby's mother. Stay off her social media and accept that this was just some sex for him. And please, get yourself testsed for STIs and HIV. Never go unprotected with people you hardly know. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 9 hours ago, used1211 said: In our time together I did keep asking him to make sure about the baby situation and he told me it was done. Important life lesson, girl: you cannot expect everyone to always know what they want, or to be truthful about it. That's why it is up to you to read the the room and assess whether a situation is healthy for you to be involved in. This one just wasn't, regardless of what he told you. I would seriously side-eye any man who'd just gotten his ex pregnant and then refused to have anything to do with her. Why didn't that clang an alarm bell for you? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 10 hours ago, used1211 said: Also- I feel used as I was clear with him I was looking for a relationship. In our time together I did keep asking him to make sure about the baby situation and he told me it was done. We all have the right to change our minds, this man included. It sucks to be on the receiving end, but have you never changed your mind about wanting to be with someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author used1211 Posted November 15, 2022 Author Share Posted November 15, 2022 He never actually said he wanted to be with me or that we were together but that he was “enjoying getting to know me” and “let’s see what happens” so he gave me all the right signs? If he’s on dating apps surely he should know what he wants and if it’s done? I can’t stop looking at her as I really want to send her a message and tell her what has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author used1211 Posted November 15, 2022 Author Share Posted November 15, 2022 Also- I started speaking to him when she was 12 weeks pregnant so he got her pregnant what- 10 weeks prior? Is that not sufficient time for it to be done and for him to move on? I wouldn’t exactly call that recent myself. Link to post Share on other sites
partycity Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 4 minutes ago, used1211 said: He never actually said he wanted to be with me or that we were together but that he was “enjoying getting to know me” and “let’s see what happens” so he gave me all the right signs? If he’s on dating apps surely he should know what he wants and if it’s done? I can’t stop looking at her as I really want to send her a message and tell her what has happened. Why bother speaking to her? You’re just bruised, that’s why you want to interfere with their relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 (edited) 19 minutes ago, used1211 said: I really want to send her a message and tell her what has happened. Don't bother with that. Jump for joy that you dodged this humongous bullet and are rid of him. He is a low quality man who behaves like a stray cat prowling around. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Start fresh with men who you know are free and clear. Make sure they are before you get Involved. Edited November 15, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author used1211 Posted November 15, 2022 Author Share Posted November 15, 2022 He’s not “low quality”, he’s actually a bit famous. He’s good looking, great house, family money. He’s blocked me everywhere anyway so why would I block him? Plus I am still hoping he changes his mind his only been a few weeks. Also- I’d say I’m far better suited to him than his ex. I come from a similar background, similarly wealthy etc. his ex is really pretty and a bit of an influencer but she has a normal job and not much money. She will be relying on him a lot which I never would! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 1 hour ago, used1211 said: I can’t stop looking at her as I really want to send her a message and tell her what has happened. Please don't do this. Stay out of their life. It's not your business. 39 minutes ago, used1211 said: I’d say I’m far better suited to him than his ex. And please don't get on your high horse. It's not fair, and you don't know this woman. 40 minutes ago, used1211 said: He’s not “low quality”, he’s actually a bit famous. He’s good looking, great house, family money. So? One can have money and be attractive and still be of low-quality character. You seem a little dazzled by him, but he sounds like he's nothing special. You're not missing out on much with this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 1 hour ago, used1211 said: He never actually said he wanted to be with me or that we were together but that he was “enjoying getting to know me” and “let’s see what happens” so he gave me all the right signs? Neither of those phrases have any suggestion of a future together. Not even a hint of promise. Based on these words, he didn't even change his mind...he gave things a try with you but ultimately it didn't grab him. Honestly, you got far too invested after only six weeks of dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 45 minutes ago, used1211 said: He’s not “low quality”, he’s actually a bit famous. He’s good looking, great house, family money. Interesting that you see quality in fame, looks and possessions rather than in integrity, thoughtfulness, strong work ethic, family oriented etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 53 minutes ago, used1211 said: He’s blocked me everywhere anyway Ok. Then don't waste your time and energy on him or his GF . You'll be able to find men when you let go of this. Guys who cheat on their pregnant GFs are not quality men . Link to post Share on other sites
Author used1211 Posted November 15, 2022 Author Share Posted November 15, 2022 He didn’t cheat?! They weren’t together? I think someone telling you they want to see how things go after a couple of weeks of dating is a good sign? I was speaking to him for 3 weeks before that? I just don’t see why she would take him back knowing he’s been entertaining me and leading me on. Surely she doesn’t want that for her baby?! I just want to be honest with her so she has all the correct information. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 20 minutes ago, used1211 said: I just don’t see why she would take him back knowing he’s been entertaining me and leading me on. Maybe she doesn't know that. Actually it doesn't really matter what his reasons are for the breakup. If he ended things and blocked you there's no reason to follow up on anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author used1211 Posted November 15, 2022 Author Share Posted November 15, 2022 Yes but he’s been sleeping with me while she’s pregnant, surely she would want to know that? Link to post Share on other sites
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