My wife's girl friends brag about me too much making her uncomfortable.

[Fenway]

My wife has many friends.   Over the years, many of them like to go on and on telling her that her husband (me) is such a nice guy.    When she complains about me to them (as most wives do) they tend to try and smooth it over in my favor.     This is interesting because my connection to her girl friends is very little and she acknowledges that I am friendly with everyone including her friends but that I am not flirtatious with them.    She says they all think I hung the moon when they don't even know that much about me.    

My wife says it makes her a little uncomfortable and that she would never go on and on about how nice their husbands are out of respect to them and not desiring to make them uncomfortable.    My wife is okay with this question and has looked at this before I send it.    Question is:  Why do some women do this?

[basil67]

Female here.  While your wife may vent about you, I imagine she also speaks well of you.  If so, it's likely that their comments come from comparison to their own marriages.   Perhaps your wife would be more comfortable if she considers that the comments aren't so much about you, but about the marriage of the woman who's speaking positively?

Edited November 14, 2022 by basil67

[Fenway]

basil67,   Thank you for your interesting perspective.    My wife tells me that even though her friends sometimes do have complaints about their spouses, that overall they seem happy with their marriages.   Most of her friends are long-time, over many years.   Do you think that some people pay compliments thinking they are also complimenting my wife when they do that?  Not sure.   

[ExpatInItaly]

They're just trying to be her support system. They think well of you and try to talk her down when she's upset with you. 

It's not unusual. I am not sure why this bothers your wife. 

[basil67]

 

1 hour ago, Fenway said:

basil67,   Thank you for your interesting perspective.    My wife tells me that even though her friends sometimes do have complaints about their spouses, that overall they seem happy with their marriages.   Most of her friends are long-time, over many years.   Do you think that some people pay compliments thinking they are also complimenting my wife when they do that?  Not sure.   

Of course, this was just a guess on my part as none of us know what is truly behind their words.  However, if my guess is right, I don't think they are complimenting your wife.  Rather, they could be suggesting she counts her blessings.   Or as @ExpatInItaly says, they are trying to talk her down.

Is your wife prone to complaining?

Edited November 15, 2022 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Fenway said:

   Do you think that some people pay compliments thinking they are also complimenting my wife when they do that?  

Yes they're complimenting your wife. They're her friends, so it's like any other compliment, such as you have a fine family, child, pet, house, car, job, etc. Does it make your wife feel jealous that they compliment her? What does she mean by "out of respect she would never..."?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes they're complimenting your wife. They're her friends, so it's like any other compliment, such as you have a fine family, child, pet, house, car, job, etc. Does it make your wife feel jealous that they compliment her? What does she mean by "out of respect she would never..."?

Thanks for explaining the perception of how this could be a compliment.   I was thinking of a different kind of compliment - which is why I saw none.

[BaileyB]

I think you are reading too much into this. I totally know which of my friends are married to really nice guys and which of my friends are married to jerks! I often tell one friend that her husband is such a nice guy and she laughs and says “sometimes.” Accept it for the compliment that it is - 

[Fenway]

Thanks to all of you for your ideas which I have shared with my wife.