Wiseman2 Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 9 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: He ended up texting asking what my weekend is looking like Ok. So it pays to relax and have more confidence in yourself and your dating life. The whole text-tethering thing is usually due to insecurities like this in the beginning when you're starting to like someone yet don't feel on firm ground yet. Take a deep breath. Reply in natural timely ways. If you convince yourself he's ghosting and having sex with others the moment he's away from his phone that's about insecurities. Whether fundamental or just in the unknown of new dating. The key is to have confidence, not text-tethering as a measurement of interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 I agree with Acacia. You both may not be compatible, period. See how it goes but you do not have to pretzel yourself into something you are not if you feel he’s not as communicative as you. Give it a chance and if it’s not for you move on. If he asks a question answer it. Don’t confuse yourself by the way someone else behaves. I do hope it works out but if it does not, it’s not the end of the world. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 Disagree. It isn't about insecurities. It's being realistic. He has been out of the box each weekend. No need to make a stink about it. Just keep it in the forefront of your mind. You want to have a relationship that included weekends, he does not or can not. Just be mature and matter of fact about it. No drama. Ask and decide or let it play out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
princessaurora Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 On 11/16/2022 at 10:24 PM, sushiandtacos said: He's going on another trip this weekend, last we saw each other was Saturday. @AlpacaliaApparently she does see him some weekends. He just seems like a guy with a booming social life who fits her in where he can and apparently it's been that way from the beginning. Question is, @sushiandtacos will you ever become ok with it because I don't think he's going to change his lifestyle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 1 minute ago, princessaurora said: @AlpacaliaApparently she does see him some weekends. He just seems like a guy with a booming social life who fits her in where he can and apparently it's been that way from the beginning. Question is, @sushiandtacos will you ever become ok with it because I don't think he's going to change his lifestyle. Ah. I stand corrected. Thank you for pointing that out. I don't know. Hope does not suffice when something doesn't feel right. It's easy to rationalize or make excuses. [But] when you’re truly happy and being treated like someone is overjoyed to have you around, it hits you differently. I'm not suggesting that that's where he's supposed to be after 10 dates. The same goes for you. Keep your feelings in mind, that's all I'm saying. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted November 19, 2022 Share Posted November 19, 2022 (edited) JMO as always but it's quite possible he might change his lifestyle for the 'right' woman (for him). However, and this is NOT a hit against you sushi, you're simply incompatible and need more or something different from what he has to offer at this point in time. Which is okay however it's causing angst and anxiety which results in walls being erected, you mirroring and avoiding (admittedly) which is not natural and prevents a relationship from evolving and him having the desire to move closer. It takes two. It's quite possible another woman, who didn't require the same reassurance, who felt confident and was perfectly okay with his slow style and had the patience to let him be and move towards her at his own pace, might inspire him to want change his lifestyle. From his heart, not from obligation or what he thinks he "should" do. . I've dated "players" (lack of a better word) and inspired them to commit but I myself need a certain amount of distance (still do, so does hubs). It wasn't intentional or a game but I often had them wondering and had the patience to allow them to move closer at their own pace, which sometimes took months. I always tried to detach from the outcome and enjoy each moment together, nothing more, nothing less. But you've gotta do you as they say sushi and date/develop relationships with men who match your style and with whom you're compatible in this regard. All this twisting yourself into a pretzel mirroring and matching his energy, intentionally not responding etc isn't going to get you very far imho. Edited November 19, 2022 by poppyfields 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts