No support from husband on mean girl neighbors

[JTSW]

Who cares what these superficial women think of you?

I bet their lives are not as peachy and perfect as they make out.

You're happy with your life and career choices, that's all that matters.

Leave the chat group and the book club because you are not obligated to be a part of them.

You're not obligated to engage with them at all.

[Acacia98]

On 11/17/2022 at 8:50 PM, Mx12345 said:

I agree, I can start going and doing my own thing sometimes. The part that hurts is that my husband, my partner, my rock, my confidant, is downplaying the way I’m being treated to the point that he sees no issues with me still going and facing these ladies, and I should just suck it up and not let them get to me. But it’s not that easy. And this is coming from a normally confident woman. 

Your husband's response is a problem. But I suspect this is part of who he has been over the long term. Is that the case? I ask because you don't seem to have mentioned these women's treatment of you until it became too much to bear. And you don't mention sharing the texts with him. So to me it sounds like he's not someone you feel comfortable confiding in about negative experiences as they happen to you. Do correct me if I'm wrong.

Now, regarding what you should do: if you were in terrible physical pain, and you told your husband and he insisted you were exaggerating and should just accompany him to some event, what would you do? I'm guessing you'd seek pain relief and medical assistance, regardless of what he said, and you'd let him attend the event alone. You'd also want to spend some time thinking about what it meant that your husband didn't care about your pain. I don't see the need to differentiate between physical pain and emotional pain in this case.

[Starswillshine]

Ick, I have been on the opposite end of this working woman vs SAHM battle. My ex-husband's friends' wives were all the opposite- career women who couldn't ever understand how I could just stay at home and raise children. Looked down upon me. And every single conversation was so filled with grandiose stories about their careers. I just stopped attending events with the people and told my husband to go alone. 

I do not understand why women feel threatened by other's women's life choices. When I was a SAHM, I envied women who had careers and proved themselves to be successful and educated. I celebrated them. Now that I have finished my education and started my own career and starting to find success, I envy those SAHM/housewives. No need to put others down. 

[S2B]

On 11/16/2022 at 11:15 PM, Mx12345 said:

I think you hit the nail on the head. Since moving, all of our friends live 45min away. So we aren’t seeing them as often. And my husband likes that these are neighborhood events that are down the street. But I’m literally dreading the next one. I have amazing friends from all different walks of life, some with kids, some without, some who work, some who don’t, all ages, etc. 

tell him to go without you. Tell him he isn’t being supportive of YOUR feelings and perspective. 

tell him if he really wants to support you he can go - when asked where you are he can respond with “she doesn’t feel supported in this group”.

if he won’t support you and actually HEAR you - then do counseling so he can learn why you feel this way and how to be a supportive husband.

and I’d bet money they are actually bored housewives that are jealous of your career/accomplishments. Staying home with kids is hard but very unfulfilling on a day to day basis. 

Edited December 29, 2022 by S2B