roadtorecovery Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 hi everyone. i really need your help and support. long story short...my ex and i were in a committed relationship for 4 years, engaged for 1 year. our wedding was already set for next year, venue was already booked and ready to go. we were in the process of wedding planning when he suddenly broke up with me. we also lived together and have a child together... just like all relationships, our relationship wasn't perfect. we had our issues and problems but at the end of the day, we were a family and i was set on marrying this man. he has never shown signs of not being loyal in the past...in fact, he seemed incredibly loyal - he was the type to gush about our date nights to his friends and coworkers, post our photos all over social media, brag about how excited he was to marry me to people around us, etc....but about a month or two before the breakup, he started acting distant and irritable. that's when i had a gut feeling something was off. i found out that there was a new hire at his work. it was a woman our age that he started working closely with...for some reason, my gut was telling me to watch out for her. fast forward 1-2 months after meeting her and working with her....he broke up with me over a VERY stupid fight (clearly was just looking for any excuse to end things), ended our engagement, and told me he no longer loved me and that he felt he could do better than me and brought out a whole list of issues he had with me that he had NEVER communicated to me in the past....i was devastated and blindsided. before i had moved out with our daughter, i had caught him texting his coworker. i went through the messages while he was asleep and saw that they were pretty deep into flirting and talking already...even already had cute nicknames for each other. he threw away 4 years, our family, and our future...for this woman he met a couple months prior. i did some research on her and found out she had a whole freaking husband (long distance)....so she was emotionally cheating on her husband while homewrecking my relationship and family. i'm 99% sure my partner did NOT know she was married but decided to let him find out on his own. it has been almost 6 months since the breakup. him and i have been coparenting so we see each other often. for the last month, he has been hot and cold towards me which makes it incredibly hard for me to move on but i can't cut him off because of our child. he has actually been extremely friendly and warm towards me as of lately and i found out just yesterday through a mutual aquaintance that things actually did not work out with that female coworker. him and her apparently were talking and messing around for a couple months until he finally found out that she was actually married...i guess they got into a fight about her not wanting to leave her husband for him and he was incredibly disappointed and now he seems to be trying to make his way back to me for comfort because he found out she was married and it didn't work out with her. he genuinely wanted a relationship with her. i'm disgusted. i have anger that is feuling me right now but does anyone else have experiences or advice on a situation like this that can help me? don't worry, i have no intentions of getting back with him but am wondering if this is a classic "grass is greener" situation and what to expect from him next. thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 5 minutes ago, roadtorecovery said: it has been almost 6 months since the breakup. him and i have been coparenting so we see each other often. don't worry, i have no intentions of getting back with him but am wondering if this is a classic "grass is greener" situation and what to expect from him next. thank you. Sorry this happened. He was a fool to throw away a fine woman and family for a cheap fling. Hope you have good friends and family to help you though all this. You're smart not to take him back after a stunt like this. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 First I want to say I admire you for not quickly running to him to tell him she was married but to wait and let him find out on his own. That was a great move to take yourself out of that situation. If he can stray, get hurt and quickly try to get back with you I wouldn't consider him stable or trustworthy. He doesn't deserve you. Besides, didn't he say he was no longer in love with you and thought he could do better? Remind him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 On 11/18/2022 at 9:13 PM, roadtorecovery said: but am wondering if this is a classic "grass is greener" situation Sincere question, but what difference would it make? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 20, 2022 Share Posted November 20, 2022 There are lots of different ways to do the "grass is greener" script. Sure, this is one of them. Bottom line is that you CANNOT trust a person who would do this. His "hot and cold" behavior needs to have no influence on you, in any case. You and he simply need to co-parent. Link to post Share on other sites
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