'banned' from bar/restaurant

[sexyitaliantiger]

Hello,

I have been going to this local bar/restaurant for a few Friday and Saturday evenings.

I have always been going alone as I am single.

One of the server women at that bar was very flirtatous, she once brough me a glass of proseco and she was happy to see me 2 evenings in a row.

She told me that she worked on Friday and Saturday nights and told me her other job where she was also a server on Wednesday and Thursday nights.

I went to the other restaurant where she told me that she worked and did see her there, she kept track of when I went to the bar/restaurant, and remembered her name.

On a certain occation, I asked that we should go on a date and she replied "maybe". Another night, I asked her for a date and she told me she had a boyfriend so she was sending me mixed signals.

Then today, I ordered food, one of the female managers came to my table and told me they were out of dessert and for her staff safety she as asking me to leave and was "barring" me from coming to the entire bar/restaurant again. The venue has a beautifull rooftop bar and patio.

What should I make of this ? I am confused and angry. 

Should I wait a few days, weeks, months before attempting to return there again ?

There is a quite large female staff there.

Comments ?

Paul

[S2B]

Just do not go back there.

it seems the staff may not feel comfortable with you hitting on the gals that work there.

find a new place to hang out.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, sexyitaliantiger said:

 for her staff safety she as asking me to leave and was "barring" me from coming to the entire bar/restaurant again. 

Should I wait a few days, weeks, months before attempting to return there again ?

Unfortunately the staff complained about feeling harassed.

Do not go back. Ever. Since you were warned and barred, they can arrest you for criminal trespass if you enter their establishment. 

Find other places to drink and dine and don't come on to the staff.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, sexyitaliantiger said:

Should I wait a few days, weeks, months before attempting to return there again ?

No. You should not return there ever again. 

[sexyitaliantiger]

EVER !!!! That sounds so severe and unfair. I had very receptive and positive feedback from one of the female servers there. Many female staff work there.

I could face arrest just for returning there again ? All I did was asked different female servers there names and where they came from (background).

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, sexyitaliantiger said:

I could face arrest just for returning there again ?

Research "criminal trespass". When you are warned and barred form an establishment and you enter anyway, yes they can call the police. Use dating apps instead of disturbing women at their workplace. Use caution and find other places to eat/drink. Patrons don't get warned/banned for  "a little flirting", so be careful n a your interactions with the public

Edited November 20, 2022 by Wiseman2

[BrinnM]

No. Never go there again!

Do you really want to frequent a place where you’re not wanted as a customer? Even if you can’t be arrested (which we don’t know, depends on the local legislation, and would be a little bit extreme, but it has certainly happened to other people before), you’re apparently not welcome there. You definitely don’t want spend your money there, out of self respect, if nothing else.

The reason why they banned you might seem unfair to you. But apparently some off the staff felt uncomfortable in your presence. The flirtations waitress may have been flirtatious only because she wanted some nice tips. It’s her job to be friendly. Sure, you probably felt she was “leading you on”, but it is what it is. It’s a privately owned restaurant, and they can ban whomever they want……
…..and the way you describe it, I think you simply showed way too much interest in the female staff, which probably creeped them out. Sorry this happened! Hope you find a better place to dine at on the weekends! 

Edited November 20, 2022 by BrinnM

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, sexyitaliantiger said:

EVER !!!! That sounds so severe and unfair

That's tough cookies. 

It's not up to you. They have been clear that you are not welcome on the premises. So yes, you will likely find yourself having a chat with law enforcement if you ignore that and show up there again. 

[Els]

Asking someone on a date while they're working and you are a customer is just... ethically dubious, but let's not even go into that.

You followed her to her other job. You asked her. Her response was "maybe".

Okay, so even that, someone might allow to slide. But after getting shut down once, you then proceed to ask her out at work... again?!?!

You absolutely 100% deserve to be barred from that restaurant. It's good that they are looking after their female staff, and if I was a local person and heard about their response, I'd be much more likely to visit them and show my support.

If you don't want this to happen to you again, stop asking out people who are working. It puts them in a terrible position because they are supposed to be serving you, so they can't very well tell you to sod off. And if you ever do make the mistake of doing it again, for the love of God at least stop the FIRST time you are turned down!

[ShyViolet]

On 11/19/2022 at 9:45 PM, sexyitaliantiger said:

Should I wait a few days, weeks, months before attempting to return there again ?

Why would you even say this when they told you that you are banned from the place?  Are you a stalker-y type of person?

It sounds like your perception of the events was very different from theirs.  You say that the waitress was being "very flirtatious" but she was probably just doing her job, just being friendly which is what she is paid to do.  She clearly did not appreciate you hitting on her as much as you thought she did, or she would not have told her manager.  You would benefit from doing some work on your self-awareness.

[amerikajin]

On 11/20/2022 at 8:31 AM, sexyitaliantiger said:

EVER !!!! That sounds so severe and unfair. I had very receptive and positive feedback from one of the female servers there. Many female staff work there.

I could face arrest just for returning there again ? All I did was asked different female servers there names and where they came from (background).

You learned a lesson: no matter how hot they are, hot female bartenders are - wait for it - at work.

[Alvi]

Why on earth do you want to go back to the place where nobody wants you? Don't know how louder they can say that they don't want your presence ever. They banned you. That means that they don't even want your money.

Why don't you think they are being serious when they banned you from the premises? Yeah, they can call cops if you come to that place again. I worked in a restaurant in my younger days. There was a couple coming in that made other patrons uncomfortable (a prostitute and her pimp). They were asked to leave after hearing many complaints from the other customers over a period of time. They come back a month or so later and the owner called cops to escort them out. Don't know what cops said to them but we never saw them again.

I think that you need to re-evaluate on how you communicate with females (waiting stuff) and how you come across according to them. If you don't want people to think that you are a creepy guy, who hits on the waitresses, then don't do it. Simple as that.

On 11/20/2022 at 6:31 AM, sexyitaliantiger said:

All I did was asked different female servers there names and where they came from (background).

I am sure there is a lot more to that. But obviously, you made them uncomfortable enough to fear for their safety as they told you.

It is actually very refreshing to see that the management actually cares about their staff enough to protect them. Glad that that restaurant stepped away from the mentality where customer is always right even when he or she is wrong. 

 

On 11/19/2022 at 7:45 PM, sexyitaliantiger said:

On a certain occation, I asked that we should go on a date and she replied "maybe". Another night, I asked her for a date and she told me she had a boyfriend so she was sending me mixed signals

I don't see any mixed signals. When she said maybe, she meant no. You should have stopped pestering her after that. Perhaps there is no boyfriend, she is just uncomfortable you asking her out.

Edited December 1, 2022 by Alvi