Is it normal to lose interest that fast?

[redcarpet503]

I started dating this girl about 3 months ago. We met at college about one year ago during covid, so we never met in person until we started dating. It's been great so far, since she's such an amazing girl. However, after the first two months I noticed that I'm not that attracted to her (physically) as I was when we started dating. Is this normal? Should I try to keep working on the relationship and see how it goes?

[Alpacalia]

Nope. Just treat it as a fun fling that ran its course.

Tell her that you've enjoyed getting to know her, but you don't feel the kind of connection you'd need to pursue something more serious.

Edited November 20, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, redcarpet503 said:

after the first two months I noticed that I'm not that attracted to her (physically) as I was when we started dating.  Should I try to keep working on the relationship and see how it goes?

The warm fuzzy glow is wearing off and unfortunately you're not as into her as you hoped. Don't string her along hoping you can reignite attraction. Set both yourselves free, be kind and tell her you're not a match. Try not to get complacent just to have sex or a security blanket. While you could wait things out if it's a lull, if you are thinking of other women, then end things.

[smackie9]

If it wears off that fast...mmmm well it's done.

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, redcarpet503 said:

Should I try to keep working on the relationship and see how it goes?

No, don't try to force it. 

You shouldn't need to "work on" a relationship after only 3 months. You aren't feeling it so it's time to kindly cut her loose. 

[glows]

I’m on the fence with this as you may be just as hasty in thinking you’re not attracted to her as when you thought you were at the start. Are you usually this quick to change your mind about things? What are you really looking for? Someone who makes you hot and hard in an instant or a partner you see yourself with for a very long time based on mutual compatibilities? What do you have in common? 

You’re still in school so I wouldn’t expect either of you to have any deep desire to find life partners. Your college years are going to be up and down.

Have you both graduated? Do you have jobs? Where do you see yourselves? There’s so much more to this than whether she’s attractive to you.

Think about this a bit more but also avoid prolonging it if you’re not a match. You’re looking at a lot more here, hopefully, than what her body or face looks like.

Edited November 21, 2022 by glows

[ShyViolet]

Nope, if it's been only 3 months and you're already losing interest then it's time to stop wasting her time and cut her loose.  At only 3 months you shouldn't need to "work" at keeping the relationship alive.  If you're already not as into her, that's a sign that she's not the one for you.

[redcarpet503]

17 hours ago, glows said:

I’m on the fence with this as you may be just as hasty in thinking you’re not attracted to her as when you thought you were at the start. Are you usually this quick to change your mind about things? What are you really looking for? Someone who makes you hot and hard in an instant or a partner you see yourself with for a very long time based on mutual compatibilities? What do you have in common? 

You’re still in school so I wouldn’t expect either of you to have any deep desire to find life partners. Your college years are going to be up and down.

Have you both graduated? Do you have jobs? Where do you see yourselves? There’s so much more to this than whether she’s attractive to you.

Think about this a bit more but also avoid prolonging it if you’re not a match. You’re looking at a lot more here, hopefully, than what her body or face looks like.

Yes, I usually have a hard time when making up mind on important things. We are both in grad school now, and this is the first time for both of us being in a relationship. We have such a great compatibility personality wise, time just flies with her. She loves me and has done such great things for me in the short amount of time what we have dated. She just has a couple of things (personality wise) that turn me off a bit , but are minor things that I think we both could work on. The main reason that I'm so doubtful about the relationship is that now I'm constantly questioning things about her physique and if she's my type at all. When we started dating she was the only girl I would look at, but it's not the same anymore. I don't know if I should work on this with her too and maybe ask her to lose a bit of weight or dress nicer, and see how things go. What would be an appropriate time to figure things out?

Edited November 22, 2022 by redcarpet503

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, redcarpet503 said:

 I don't know if I should work on this with her too and maybe ask her to lose a bit of weight or dress nicer, and see how things go. What would be an appropriate time to figure things out?

This would be a fantastic way to insult her.  Honestly, if it's only three months in and you don't like her how she is, make up some excuse and depart nicely. 

[ExpatInItaly]

49 minutes ago, redcarpet503 said:

maybe ask her to lose a bit of weight or dress nicer, and see how things go.

Absolutely not. 

Break up with her. Do it kindly and cleanly. You are wasting her time (and your own) by staying in this. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, redcarpet503 said:

 maybe ask her to lose a bit of weight or dress nicer, and see how things go. 

Please don't do this. You're not attracted to her. It's not your job to fix, change or insult her so she fits your mold. Have the courage to end things.

[JTSW]

If you're not feeling it then its not right for you.

Just be honest with her.

[glows]

7 hours ago, redcarpet503 said:

Yes, I usually have a hard time when making up mind on important things. We are both in grad school now, and this is the first time for both of us being in a relationship. We have such a great compatibility personality wise, time just flies with her. She loves me and has done such great things for me in the short amount of time what we have dated. She just has a couple of things (personality wise) that turn me off a bit , but are minor things that I think we both could work on. The main reason that I'm so doubtful about the relationship is that now I'm constantly questioning things about her physique and if she's my type at all. When we started dating she was the only girl I would look at, but it's not the same anymore. I don't know if I should work on this with her too and maybe ask her to lose a bit of weight or dress nicer, and see how things go. What would be an appropriate time to figure things out?

This is not appropriate at all. Believing someone has to lose more weight to be more attractive to you and nitpicking anything about a person’s physique is bordering on mental/emotional abuse. her weight, her body, her clothing, her business. You have zero say in what she wants to wear, how she wants to eat or how she wants to live. 

I suggest you do some soul searching and figure out what it is that you’re looking for instead of trying to fit a person into any particular “type”. 

Be very careful framing this as if you care about her well-being or attempting to convince someone they need to be something else than what they already are in order to look or appear or feel more attractive. That is deeply manipulative and totally unacceptable. 

Some questions I have for you: Do you also struggle with accepting yourself? Or have issues accepting your own body, highly self-critical? Do you like who you are? A person with high self worth will never seek to change another person or convince someone they are less than what they are.

 

 

[mortensorchid]

The first 6-9 months you are with someone is not actually love, that's infatuation that you are in, you're dating.  Once you cross over the 6 month marker, you are in a relationship and infatuation has worn off.  And when it does, you better like that person that you're with - not love, just like them.  Because if you don't, you're in trouble.  Because you are stuck with that person and they with you.  I think a lot of people are either not aware of this or don't know what to do with themselves once infatuation has worn off.  Remember, what you are seeing in movies, TV shows and reading in books is not exactly love either, that's also infatuation.  We have this expectation that our relationships have to be hot, passionate and exciting at all times.  And guess what?  It's not at all times.  

Also, guess what?  Most marriages in other countries are arranged.  Shocking?  How can marriage thrive when love is an afterthought?  How do you meet, get married, THEN fall in love?  And also, guess what?  Half of marriages for love end in divorce, while 85% of arranged marriages last.  Love and respect come over the years rather than before they officially get together.  

I am not telling you what you should or should not do, but remember that if you don't take a risk then you will have missed 100% of the shots you never take.  

[ShyViolet]

12 hours ago, redcarpet503 said:

 I don't know if I should work on this with her too and maybe ask her to lose a bit of weight or dress nicer, and see how things go. 

Did you seriously just say this?  Ask her to lose a bit of weight?  You should never say this to anyone.  It's extremely rude and insulting.  You either accept a person for who they are, or break up with them if you aren't attracted to them.  There is no in between and it's not your place to try and change them to fit your mold of what you find attractive.

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, redcarpet503 said:

What would be an appropriate time to figure things out?

It would be appropriate to break up with her and find a woman with the physique you want.  Do not ask her to change for you.  It's nice that she's done things for you but what have you done for her?