Convince me to not take my ex girlfriend back based on what she did

[health]

On 11/23/2022 at 5:04 PM, glows said:

Keep blocking and culling as they come in. And resolve not to get involved with another addict and project again. If she requires professional help, that is not your job.

Thank you. I haven't responded for over a week but I have read her messaged where they show unread on her end. She's going from angry, to hopeful we're getting back together everyday.

She even defended why I left her in the first place. Saying "Your jealous I have friends that gift me" There is no free lunch, if a man wants her he'll offer something. She's naive. I told her that makes me uncomfortable but she never listens. It hurts me. I cut off all other women for her. She sent me a photo saying "Stop making me wait for you" and you can tell her energy is off. She's hurt and angry and in denial. We are not getting back.

On my end I felt very angry these past days. Very hurt, very scared. I worked very hard and was single for 6 + years before I got with her. It's like I fell in love with the perfect girl with her. But over time she kept crossing the line.

Going to work has been very difficult, I hardly eat and feel overly busy.

These emotions are on me. But I have my wins

- I never missed a day of work

- I cleaned my apartment

- I was featured on a website regarding my music

- I did not go back to drinking alcohol after almost 8 years sober - this almost kicked me right back in

 

I'm committed to healing and going for my goals. I know that the days and my motivation levels are going to get better. I just find it so scary that people can act like this in their 30s and 40s. After all past relationship problem, working hard to be on point - and people still doing hurtful things. I have no respect for cheaters and have only seen destructive things happen out that life.

Posting here helped me and I am committed to healing and using this to make me stronger.

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, health said:

She even defended why I left her in the first place. Saying "Your jealous I have friends that gift me"  

- I did not go back to drinking alcohol after almost 8 years sober - this almost kicked me right back in.

When you're ready, you'll block and delete her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Just like when you were ready to get sober, you had to cut it off 100 %. If you find yourself in precarious situations like this can you reach out to a mentor or go to a support meeting?

Why bother listening to nonsense to justify her sugardaddy activities? Read up on cross addiction. Hopefully you're not replacing alcohol with women who accept gifts for "favors".

 

[glows]

No one is perfect. We only date for compatibility and a close match in values and interests. If we remove the idea of perfection what we are left with is focusing on the things that truly matter. What is it? Someone who is also sober or doesn’t drink often/isn’t a user? Similar life goals or ambitions? Shared faith or outlook of the world? Approach people and problem solving the same way? This woman wasn’t a match at all.

Congrats on staying sober, maintaining a clean and orderly home and not missing work. That is the bare minimum. Keep asking yourself what matters to you and go out and get it. Don’t stay stuck here. Do more, want more. Keep growing.

Staying in contact with her is working against you. You know her messages make no sense at all. Quit her like you quit drinking. There’s no halfway about it. Move forwards and do things differently the next time around.

[health]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

When you're ready, you'll block and delete her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Just like when you were ready to get sober, you had to cut it off 100 %. If you find yourself in precarious situations like this can you reach out to a mentor or go to a support meeting?

Why bother listening to nonsense to justify her sugardaddy activities? Read up on cross addiction. Hopefully you're not replacing alcohol with women who accept gifts for "favors".

 

Thank you. And thanks for caring about how I quit alcohol. I don't have a sponsor but talk to family and friends when feeling tempted.

I know about cross addictions. Regarding the sugardaddy website she said she never ended up meeting any of them. She also says she never cheated on me. And this is something me or anyone else will never know because there's no proof.

But bottomline it hurt me and feel like my reality got distorted.

I've never gone to escorts, but now because of this I'm thinking - what if I become a sugar daddy? The problem with that is I could get robbed, there could be undercover cops, std risks. It's not love but an exchange. It's a waste of money.

That's not what I want to get near.

Yet if she did that behind my back, it's like what? Any decently looking guy with money could have had my girl?

She swears that she never met any.

This literally turned my world upside down.

Then there's the thing of - why not just keep her around, so I don't get tempted into getting escorts.

I sound like I'm losing my mind. I appologize. I'm just scared of not finding a new girlfriend that I actually like. 

All I want is a girlfriend to connect with that is loyal.

I'm hardly eating. I need to care about myself most now.

[health]

7 hours ago, glows said:

No one is perfect. We only date for compatibility and a close match in values and interests. If we remove the idea of perfection what we are left with is focusing on the things that truly matter. What is it? Someone who is also sober or doesn’t drink often/isn’t a user? Similar life goals or ambitions? Shared faith or outlook of the world? Approach people and problem solving the same way? This woman wasn’t a match at all.

Congrats on staying sober, maintaining a clean and orderly home and not missing work. That is the bare minimum. Keep asking yourself what matters to you and go out and get it. Don’t stay stuck here. Do more, want more. Keep growing.

Staying in contact with her is working against you. You know her messages make no sense at all. Quit her like you quit drinking. There’s no halfway about it. Move forwards and do things differently the next time around.

Thank you. And thanks for the words on my sobriety. She never drank at all but smoked weed, we were both passionate about music, movies many things. But I couldn't stand some things she would do. Things that I said hurt me but she would do anyway.

I don't want to stay stuck. I've been journaling, talking to family, resting.

Part of me is playing it cool like ignoring her etc.

But part of me wants to express how angry, hurt and scared I am to her.

But why do that if who knows where she'll be today? What if with another guy and I'm like a sucker expressing anger.

My true goal is to be in a healthy relationship. The fact she hasn't worked in 5 years shows how bad this is. She used to say all her exes treated her like a princess.

That's not a reality. It's all short cuts with her.

God help me lol

 

[glows]

She can’t support herself so you know what you’re getting into. Does being with someone so out of control and dependent give you a sense of control? I say this carefully and am not insinuating you’re a controlling person but I would wonder if it’s involuntary or subconscious as someone recovering. Why the pull towards someone like this? 

I suggest writing in a dated journal and if you can’t be bothered about handwriting, open up a word document and type out what you feel. You’ll have a record to look back on and hold yourself accountable for the mistakes you’ve made picking someone like this in the first place. You may also see where you’re able to make improvements in other areas, what issues bother you and self-correct. We can’t do that if we’re not aware of what we’re doing or feeling. I don’t think expressing anything to this person is helpful. Blocking her is the next step so move onto that next step and don’t hang around out of comfort.