Things were going so well. did I text too much?

[jgolffan96]

2 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

Honestly lots of texting red flags on her part to learn from and look out for next time. it sounds all sugar coated to me. From the excuse about how much work she has, to being exclusive with a new guy, to all the frowny faces, she just feels bad she isn't that interested because it sounds like you're a nice dude. When a woman tells me I'm too busy for her or expresses "concern" about my schedule, that's a red flag, like let me decide that. The word "busy" isn't even really in my dating vocabulary anymore bc it's so meaningless. 

Good luck with the golf pursuits! I played a sport professionally as well and it made getting ladies a lot easier 😉 

 

 

Sorry, can you clarify? What are the red flags? Are you saying she is sugar coating her responses and that’s a red flag?

[Lotsgoingon]

Answer to question 1:

Successful dating does not come down to perfect timing of a kiss. A kiss should just happen. You don't have to plot it. Usually when I had to plot a kiss, that meant something was missing between me and the woman. And that missing element usually turned up even if we did go on to date seriously. 

 Sounds to me that there was a gap here between you two.  A kiss happens because before the kiss the two people are getting really close to each other, in each other's space. They're smiling at each other. The conversation is in sync--it's electrifying. Or you are holding hands. Basically, it should be clear almost without words that you're having a blast with the person and they with you. Clear without words--just through body language and enthusiasm and the synced-up conversation. The kiss is a natural next step--it doesn't create the next step. 

Sounds to me like you were both ambivalent, and you both read each other's ambivalence.  So frankly, you probably were right to not go for a kiss. Something was missing and that missing thing was there and evident even after you kissed and you were both awkward. The groundwork wasn't set for kissing. Oh and kissing does not mean much if there is no underlying closeness occurring.  

Answer to question 2:

I work with college students and what I've noticed is that a lot of young people think texting equals closeness. Not so. I talk to women students all the time who have some guy texting them a lot that they have not the slightest bit of romantic interest in. The bottom line is texting is no substitute for in person body language chemistry and enthusiasm. Texting is not good for flirting unless you are building on the flirting you did in person. Texting cannot fill the missing gap of being close in someone's space, having your arms around each other's shoulders or holding hands or just feeling the electricity between you and another person.  

So don't worry about texting.  If you flirted on the date (and she flirted back), then you can continue to flirt in texting. If you haven't really gotten closer on a date and haven't flirted much, then texting is not a good way to escalate things. Sorta like with kissing, texting is not something you need to think about. Text when you want to text. It doesn't push things much beyond what they are based on meeting in person. 

 

[ccas93]

45 minutes ago, justasht said:

Sorry, can you clarify? What are the red flags? Are you saying she is sugar coating her responses and that’s a red flag?

The stuff I mentioned. Saying she's got so much work, deciding you're too busy for her, fake frowny faces, stuff like that. As far as her interest in you goes, it's a red flag. 

Edited November 27, 2022 by ccas93