I feel like being set up

[CaraGrace]

I'm a freelance, used to work on events but now mainly on content writing (I'm quite fed up of dealing with people). Amy has started an PR & event agency, but it's like a one-man band, small scaled. it's easier for her to get bigger jobs and projects with a company name, but she usually has to team up with other people (in a way, hiring freelancers) to work on different projects with her. 

 

A month ago, she asked me if I had time to help her on a project that she hoped to get (she had to find at least one more person in her team because client was asking for 2 people performing the job). It's something like a hospitality job to take care of a group of international guests who would be coming here for conferences and they will be staying in a hotel for 2.5 weeks. The main duties were to pick them up from airport and making sure they follow the ridiculously strict and complicated covid regulations here throughout their stay (like taking rapid test every day, taking PCR test on alternative days, and getting the required "health code" so that they can dine out etc.).

 

At first I wasn't interested, and the job period actually clashes with my one week long vacation with my husband. But since she was asking if I could "help for a few days" only, and the pay per day wasn't bad, so I told her that I could help for 4 days. She said it's ok cos she would look for other people anyways, she just had to form a team and find enough people to rotate so that there would be 2 people on duty every day. Anyway, that wasn't my business, cos that's her job. I told her I would only be available for 4 days, that's what I've made clear at the very beginning.

 

Then a few days later, she said the client wanted to have a zoom meeting with us to get to know us and to talk a bit about the job. The client speaks English but it's not our mother tongue. She isn't good at English but she knows I'm good at it and she asked me to do the talking for her. I wasn't thinking clearly at that time because of the urgency (she called me at night and said the meeting would take place the next day), and perhaps because the way she spoke to me made me feel like I had to do it, and so I agreed to join the meeting. It's only later that I realised it really wasn't my responsibility since I wasn't the PIC (person in charge) like her - I was just one of the freelancers she hired to help her.

 

Before the meeting, she made a powerpoint presentation, in which she managed to include some of the event jobs that I did before (on my own, not with her, I had more international clients/projects that she did). I was "impressed" cos I didn't know she knew what I did that well, and she took all the time and effort to look for info and photos of those jobs that I did (without asking me in advance) and added them to the slides - which just didn't feel right... But I didn't question or stop her cos it happened all so sudden, I only saw this powerpoint right before the meeting. During the meeting, she told the clients that those were the projects WE did before to show that we're experienced. But she's pitching on behalf of her company, and this way she made it look like I was her company partner... I started to feel weirder and weirder as the meeting continued, and I felt like she was using me in order to get the job. And so I didn't do the talking for her as she asked, because I started to realise I shouldn't be involved in the meeting. But of course that was too late, the client had assumed I was with her and both of us would be the PIC of this project. They asked to add me to their email loop, chat group etc., and they expected that during the job period, they could reach both of us 24/7 in case of emergencies. They thought I shared the same level of responsibility with her, which was not the case.

 

After the meeting, I actually didn't want to do the job anymore, but the client had confirmed using us (I think mainly because they didn't have other options and the job would start in less than a week's time). And then I said to Amy once again that I'd only be available for 4 days and so she'd better find other helpers asap and let the client know that I wasn't in charge. But then she exclaimed, "What?! How come you didn't tell me earlier?!", and she requested me to give her some more days and even put my name on the weekends when I said no. She made it like I never mentioned it before, but I had told her many times! Also, she only asked me to "help for a few days" at the beginning, she said it herself, so she shouldn't be expecting that I would be available for more days or even for the whole period. So it's either she lost that part of her memories, or she wasn't really listening what I said - she only heard what she wanted to hear - as she wanted so much that I would jump onboard so that she could pull me into the meetings and help her do things that she didn't want to do.. I really don't know what's wrong with her, she's a bit delusional, and I knew that it would definitely be a disaster to work with her if she tends to forget things and make it like it's my fault. After this first meeting, she asked me to join another 2 meetings again, which I refused. She told me that the client felt weird that I didn't join the meeting (because it looked to them that I should be responsible), and so she explained to them that "our company" has other projects in hand and so I had to take care of those projects while she would focus more on this one. I don't know how she had the audacity to say that to me - she's admitting that she fooled the client into believing that I was her company partner, which by the way, I didn't give her the permission to use my name in that way, and to be involved with her company name in that way. She did all these without asking me. But it seemed like she thought it's perfectly ok. And now from the client's perspective, I'm the one who didn't say anything on the first meeting and didn't even join the next 2 meetings... I'm the one who seemed to have done nothing and didn't care about the project... It just made me look so bad. This is not the way I work when I'm in charge of something, but this time I was being set up - I'm not in charge! And Amy shouldn't let the client assume that I'm!

 

Also, I could foresee that there would be many troubles and emergencies. It's not like a 9 to 5 job she thought it would be. I believed the client was expecting us, and it's also our responsibility, to be reachable off hours, because the client has stated very clearly than we would take care of any emergencies (e.g. when any guest needed to see the doctor/go to the hospital) and anything that would happen outside of the hotel (because they're not familiar with the environment). So I told her that there're many things that we needed to prepare in advance. But no matter what issues I raised up, she just said that it wouldn't happen. So I couldn't really discuss with her further for contingency plans or preparations. She just thought there was no need to. I think it's because she's always lucky. She never really experienced any big problems because every time things just worked out for her, no matter how unprepared she was. Like this time, she managed to find enough helpers in just a few days' time thanks to a friend's help. And just 3 days before the job started, the covid measures here were loosen up, international guests wouldn't need to do PCR test every other day. And then many guests requested not to have anyone to pick them up at the airport. So suddenly the workload was cut by half. I don't know why she's always that lucky. And then she also cut my working days from 4 to 2 days (I mean for freelancers, when I reserved certain days to work for you, it means I would turn down other jobs that clashes with those days, it's really not cool that you suddenly said you wouldn't need me anymore).

 

At first I thought of having a site walk before the job started, because the hotel is actually located in a rather remote seaside resort island (it's really not a common spot for business conference) and transport access is rather limited in that area (private vehicles are not allowed there, so there're only ferries and a few buses that can operate in that area, while taxis can only drop off people at a few designated spots). I'm not familiar with that area, neither does Amy. But she never planned to have a site walk. But when she told me that she only needed me to work for 2 days, I thought I didn't want to waste my time to go all way there to do the site walk anymore (I assumed I wouldn't be so unlucky that the weird stuff would happen on the only 2 days that I would be there..). And since Amy needed to pick up the client's boss and his wife from the airport 2 days earlier, I thought she had all the time and chances to figure out the area and transport etc., and should be able to brief or alert us if there's anything that we need to be aware of. Then on the first day of work, she and I and the other 2 helpers were all there because the client wanted to have one final meeting to go through everything with us. On that morning, Amy told me that the boss and his wife needed to do h. pylori test (well, I really didn't expect that), and we needed to take them to a clinic where they could do it. Luckily there's a clinic on that island so that we didn't need to take them all the way to the city. But problem was the clinic is on the other side of the island and it's 5 min drive/30 min walk from the hotel, and none of us had been there before or knew exactly where it is. And the biggest problem was the boss and his wife hadn't been eating/drinking anything since the night before (because they needed to have an empty stomach for the test), but somehow Amy booked 2:30pm for them to see the doctor, which meant they would have been starving for over 15 hours by the time they went to the clinic. We all knew that they wouldn't be in a good mood. No one wanted to do this task. So the other 2 helpers said immediately that they needed to pick up guests at the airport, and I thought it should be Amy's job to take care of the boss. But then she said she had to leave by 2pm because she had other things to do back in the city. So I was left there to do the nasty job that no one wanted to do.

 

I was left with no choice. But I at least I still could get prepared for that. I thought of going to clinic by myself at lunch time to make sure I know the direction. But Amy said there's no need to because we could take the taxi to get there, which I doubted. Like I said, there're many restricted zones there where taxis and private cars can't go, and so I thought taxis couldn't stop there. Besides that, taxi drivers here (and I think everywhere?) always refuse to take passengers when the distance is that short, and so I didn't think taxi would be an option. But Amy said with 101% certainty that we could take a taxi there. She said that my worries were unnecessary because taxi is the only transport to get us there (but I know there is a bus to get there), and she said that it's illegal if the drivers refuse to take passengers no matter how short the distance is, so in case of that I can always argue with the driver and force him to drive us... Well of course I know that the driver's wrong if he refuses to take any passenger, but are you going to argue with him, call the police, when you're with a client who's been starving for 15 hours and who's the boss? I mean why don't we take the safest option, which is to take the bus?... But she said with 200% confidence that we can take the taxi, she said it like she's done it before. She's so confident that I doubted myself and believed her. And because she's so sure, I thought I could rely on the taxi driver to drop us off right in front of the clinic so that we wouldn't get lost, and so I thought there's no need for me to do the site walk in advance. So I just waited for the boss and his wife to get down, took them to the taxi, and I thought it'd be an easy task. But then, after we jumped on a taxi, the driver said he couldn't drive us to the clinic because it's in the restricted zone. We could only take the bus. The boss wasn't happy because he kind of knew that taxi couldn't get there (he's been on the island for 2 days and he already knew the ropes better than I did). He said to me, "I just said so" and then we got off the taxi. I was a bit panic I admit. But I knew which bus to take. But as unlucky as I always am, it just happened that there're no clear signs at the bus stops showing the bus numbers, and there're 2 bus stops there and I didn't know which one was correct. The boss and his wife wasn't happy when they saw that I was so unsure. And then we ended up waiting at the wrong bus stop - I knew it only when I saw the correct bus stopping at the other bus stop, but it's too far for us to run there. When we got there, the bus was gone already and we had to wait for the next bus. The boss and his wife were pissed. I was in a place where I looked so unprofessional and dump and I wanted to dig a hole and hide in it... And then I also get off at a bus stop that wasn't the closest to the clinic and we needed to walk a few blocks back, and the boss noticed that. 

 

I feel so bad and useless when I failed at such a small task... and it's the only task that the client asked us of: to take care of the guests and give them a pleasant experience. I failed at that, and they're not just the "guests" but the boss and his wife! But I'm so angry because if I believed in my own judgements, I would have checked where to take the bus in advance, and I'd have taken the site walk to clinic in advance, so that we wouldn't be turfed out of the taxi, distressingly looked for the bus, and took a longer walk to the clinic because I didn't know the direction. Even the boss knew better than I did because he's been there earlier than me... But it's not excusable because we're locals and we should know better, not to say it's our job! If I was the PIC instead of Amy, I would have arranged the whole team to take a site walk around the whole island before the job started, or at least I would do it on my own and make my team aware of all the restrictions and avoid mistakes. But Amy, she did no preparation. And what's worse was she gave wrong instructions all the time. I mean if she didn't know something, she could just say she didn't know or she's not sure, then I would check. I really don't mind doing and preparing more. But why did she say with such certainty that we can take the taxi there, when it's actually prohibited? I mean I know I can't blame 100% on her but her judgements and her way of working really jeopardized me and made me a total failure. I mean now the boss is so unhappy with me and the client would think that I'm the unprofessional one in the team while Amy is unaffected, but she's actually the one who caused this mayhem. 

 

My second working day would be a week later but I don't want to do it anymore. And I actually won't work with Amy ever again. I don't even want to go to her wedding later next month! I'm just so angry and feel so useless that I failed at this job, I had never made this kind of sloppy mistakes, and certainly not in front of the boss... I cared very much about my reputation that spent so many years to build. I really hate it when I give people the impression that I'm unprofessional.

[JTSW]

You don't owe her anything.

Drop the robe and walk away. None of it is your responsibility so don't feel bad at all.

Is there any way you can talk with that client/boss and explain that you were told by Amy to get the taxi and that she was the one that misjudged the availability? That her actions weren't really ethical because you weren't suppose to be part of it? That she manipulated you?

She knew what you could and couldn't do but chose to ignore it. That's also on her.

If her business fails, again it's on her.

Block her number and any other avenues for her to contact you.

[CaraGrace]

18 hours ago, JTSW said:

You don't owe her anything.

Drop the robe and walk away. None of it is your responsibility so don't feel bad at all.

Is there any way you can talk with that client/boss and explain that you were told by Amy to get the taxi and that she was the one that misjudged the availability? That her actions weren't really ethical because you weren't suppose to be part of it? That she manipulated you?

She knew what you could and couldn't do but chose to ignore it. That's also on her.

If her business fails, again it's on her.

Block her number and any other avenues for her to contact you.

I won't work with her again, but I hate it when she can always get away with things like this, while I become the scapegoat... I don't think I would have the chance to explain things to the client... It's true that it's very unlikely I would ever meet the client and the boss again since they're only here for the conference this one time and it won't happen very often, but I still hate it when people I worked with/for have the impression that I'm that unprofessional... Unlike Amy, when I wanted to discuss some contingency plans with her because I didn't want to give any unpleasant experience to any guest, she said, "so what if they're not happy, I won't see them again after this job!"

Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm too much a people-pleaser that I care too much about how others feel and think of me, whether I should just be chill like Amy... Maybe because she's that chill, nothing bad really happens on her, and no mayhem would possibility affect her mood and her self-perception. She still thinks she does a very good job and feels so good about herself.

I have now put her on my blacklist of "people I won't work with again", but then I rmb I had actually told myself the same thing 3 years ago after working with her... but somehow it's been a long time ago that I forgot... That time it was me hiring her to help me on a PR event, but she wasn't performing her job properly and it ended up that I did most of things that I paid her to do for me. But there wasn't any mayhem since I was in charge. Whatever she's not doing properly or didn't do, I solved it in time to avoid any mistake or problem. So the event went smoothly and again she thought she's done a great job. Maybe I should openly blame her and let her know she's bad at what she does? 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, CaraGrace said:

  Maybe I should openly blame her and let her know she's bad at what she does? 

If you two are in the same field, being spiteful won't help your profession or reputation. You don't work well with her, so just let it go.

 Reflect if this type of job and freelancing is a good fit for you. Remember that smearing others is never professional or a wise move.

Edited November 25, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

She wasn’t very honest with you nor did she listen or respect what you had said about your available days. There’s a reason she had to ride your coattails and depend on your expertise and experience during the PowerPoint meeting. She just doesn’t carry that kind of weight in the industry. It’s only a matter of time before her unprofessionalism and negligence catches up with her. 

I’d finish the second day allotted or scheduled as you said you would. This is not about Amy but your own professionalism or ethics and following through on what you initially signed up for. Why should she have any impact on how you deliver service or the type of excellence you usually do on Day 2? 

Beyond these two days, keep her on your list of people you won’t work with. Change her name on your phone to something that helps you remember if you tend to forget. Make a note somewhere you won’t forget.

Outwardly remain neutral and remain professional only in any mutual circles. I also wouldn’t confront someone if you suspect they’re delusional or incorrect all the time in their answers. Guess what you’ll get back in a response? Yes, delusional and incorrect. 

And hats off to you in what you do. Carry on doing well for yourself.

Edited November 25, 2022 by glows

[CaraGrace]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you two are in the same field, being spiteful won't help your profession or reputation. You don't work well with her, so just let it go.

 Reflect if this type of job and freelancing is a good fit for you. Remember that smearing others is never professional or a wise move.

Maybe "openly" wasn't the right word, what I meant was to tell her directly and frankly that she f**ked up/f**ked me up, because now she doesn't seem to know.

I think before asking whether this type of job and freelancing is a good fit for me, would you think it's not a good fit for her instead? You said it like it's entirely my problem, while she has no problem at all.. I've been in this field longer than she does, and there were times when I referred some of my jobs/clients to her when I didn't have the time to take them up, but then the clients came back to me telling me she's not doing the job properly and said that they wanted me back next time (e.g. there was a time when she wrote the client's company name wrongly in the press release and sent them out without realizing)... I'm recalling these as I wrote, and I'm angry of myself that I didn't rmb these when I agreed to help her on this job and let her f**ked me up again. I never said a bad word about her in front of other people in our circle, nor have I being spiteful (in your words) towards her when she put me in this kind of situation this time because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and our relationship. But think about how she blamed me for "not telling her earlier than I'm only available for 4 days for this job", which I had told her at least 3 to 4 times verbally & by text... the way that she tended to blame on me the things that she didn't rmb/listen carefully and made it my fault... I didn't do any of these things to her, which she did to me.

Edited November 25, 2022 by CaraGrace

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, CaraGrace said:

,would you think it's not a good fit for her instead? You said it like it's entirely my problem, while she has no problem at all.. 

She's not as unhappy with it as you are. You can tell her off however if you two don't work well together, it may be best to not collaborate with her again and let it go. Focus on peace for yourself rather than all this aggravation.

[CaraGrace]

2 hours ago, glows said:

She wasn’t very honest with you nor did she listen or respect what you had said about your available days. There’s a reason she had to ride your coattails and depend on your expertise and experience during the PowerPoint meeting. She just doesn’t carry that kind of weight in the industry. It’s only a matter of time before her unprofessionalism and negligence catches up with her. 

I’d finish the second day allotted or scheduled as you said you would. This is not about Amy but your own professionalism or ethics and following through on what you initially signed up for. Why should she have any impact on how you deliver service or the type of excellence you usually do on Day 2? 

Beyond these two days, keep her on your list of people you won’t work with. Change her name on your phone to something that helps you remember if you tend to forget. Make a note somewhere you won’t forget.

Outwardly remain neutral and remain professional only in any mutual circles. I also wouldn’t confront someone if you suspect they’re delusional or incorrect all the time in their answers. Guess what you’ll get back in a response? Yes, delusional and incorrect. 

And hats off to you in what you do. Carry on doing well for yourself.

I don't want to do the second day because I don't think the boss and his wife want to see me again. The only one thing that the client asked from us is to give everyone a pleasant experience, so I don't want my presence to remind them of the unpleasant experience they had with me on day 1... The situation was so bad that on that day, he asked me to leave once we got to the clinic and said he didn't need me anymore, because he knew the direction, where to take the bus etc.. while I didn't seem to know...  I'm upset about this because the mistake was so avoidable, and it shouldn't have happened if I had believed in my own judgement instead of listening to her instruction, thinking that as the PIC of this project she had done her homework. I just cannot trust her anymore. I think something bad would happen again on day 2...

There's another story... I actually run a dress rental business as my side gig, and last year end when I knew that she's getting married in Feb this year (which was later cancelled due to covid restrictions here), I told her that sometimes I collaborated with photographers and makeup artists to do some styled shoot with my dresses, so that we can use these photos for promotional purpose. And we usually look for real couples instead of professional models so that we can save cost. I told her about that and asked if she'd be interested to be our "models" with her fiance, so that I can get styled shoot for my dresses while she can get photos for free. She's very interested and excited about it, so I started to arrange everything for the photoshoot. But then she kept all of us waiting for an available shooting date for over a month. The photographer and makeup artist were pissed because they kept reserving dates for her which she would later said she needed to postpone... and they're losing real clients who'd actually pay them because of her (and me). When I urged her to confirm asap, she made it look like it's just me who wanted to do the photoshoot and she was only helping me. She's not in a hurry for that, so I had to wait until both she and her fiance were free... But then sometimes she'd suddenly cared about it so much, saying that she would like to have a photo album printed out on her wedding day for the guests to view, and she wanted to post those photos on social media before the wedding etc... but by that time there was only 1 month left before her wedding day (I initially proposed to do the photoshoot at least 2 months before her wedding day). So I told her that it took time for the photographers to touch up the photos, and more time would be needed if she wanted to have a photo album printed out. I kept telling her that if she really wanted it, she had to give me a date asap. But still she couldn't, but asked me to request the photographer to prioritize her photos and give her all the photos before her wedding day... We did the photoshoot at last, it went well but for 2 months she had given me and my collaboration partners so much hard time and wasted a lot of our time. But yet, she thought she was doing me a favor by volunteering as our model, not remembering that I didn't force her to do it (I only gave her this option and asked if she's interested), and that she's getting free photos, free makeup and free dress from us. It's a collaboration in which everyone get something they need, and so, no one owes anyone anything. But she seemed to miss the point. But no matter how angry I was with her, I didn't say a thing. It was supposed to be a happy event, taking photos for her wedding... I didn't want to start a fight. So I just let it go. I let it go so much that this time when she asked me to work with her, I forgot that she had given me such a hard time last year during this photoshoot... Now, her wedding is rescheduled to next month, but now I just don't want to go to her wedding anymore given all the hard time and blames she put on me... Yet, I kind of accepted the invitation earlier this month...

Edited November 25, 2022 by CaraGrace

[glows]

I find it difficult to imagine someone would hold a grudge about what happened regarding the bus, quite frankly. You’re assuming your presence will annoy him on the second day but you’re there to do a job not cater to everyone’s feelings. I would not abandon a job just because I’m worried what someone thinks of me and even more so not out of embarrassment. If there’s a job to be done you bet I’m going to be there and I’m going to be doubling down efforts to ensure no mistakes are made again. 

Regarding her wedding coming up, you can always decide to skip out and say you’re not feeling well. Stop answering or responding to her texts and calls. It’s a waste of time designating any time to people who take advantage of you this way. 

Figure out the work circumstance here first. It sounds like you’re very frustrated and overwhelmed. Don’t let this get the better of you.