Old Girlfriend Resurfaced.

[Gobhoblin]

Recently I was contacted by a woman I was dating about 10 years ago. It was a very hot and heavy initial romance and I was completely smitten with her. It ended just as hot and heavy and basically the reason was that she falsely accused me of cheating on her. It was 100% false and made up and she really kicked me in the gut over it so it became a hostile break-up.  I am huge on giving and receiving apologies and I never received one from her. "It was all a misunderstanding" was the best I got from her.

She contacted me via email a few months ago out of the blue, I have to admit I was very pleased to hear from her but there's a lot of non-closure from what happened 10 years ago. When she first contacted me I was a little gun shy and I said something flirty and her response was cold so I figured I'm just not going to push it.

Anyway a few weeks ago we finally went out and it went pretty well and I think from her perspective it went great. She said a lot of things like as if she's never moved on from me which astounds me because it's been so long and now I'm just wondering do I want to even bother? It's like half of me wants to recreate what we had before - which I thought was pretty great - but at the same time, my other half has moved on. Now she wants to go out and I'm frankly so busy and I don't drive that much so getting together with her is not as easy as it once was.

I guess I don't know what I'm actually asking but if anybody has any thoughts I'd be happy to listen to other viewpoints.

Thanks

[JTSW]

My guess is that SHE was the one that cheated on YOU and she was projecting that on to you to justify it.

Making it easier to run off with a new guy.

Now 10 years down the line, her relationship with said guy is over and she has come crawling back to you.

Either way, I really don't think it's a good idea to get involved with her again. 

This is just my take on it.

[Gobhoblin]

I appreciate your thoughts but I honestly don't think she cheated. She definitely had some mental issues which caused her to more or less go crazy on me. But I don't think it was that. 

I didn't want to bore people too much in the main post but the circumstances of the breakup were very childish. I had a client who had a mutual friend of my ex-girlfriend. The mutual friend heard that my client was dating somebody with my same first name, so the mutual friend went to my girlfriend and fed her these ridiculous thoughts that I was cheating on her. Then my ex-girlfriend contacted my client directly with an email along the lines of, "We need to stand together against these guys blah blah blah..." Completely ridiculous. My client was annoyed, I was stunned and the whole thing blew up mainly because she didn't apologize and acknowledge how stupid it was. I even confronted the friend via email, which is the only way I could contact, her but she just ignored it. The whole situation was so frustrating I literally adored this woman and kissed the ground she walked on. It was such a kick in the gut when she accused me of cheating on her. And if she saw the client she would know the cheating was not possible - I don't want too sound superficial so I'll just leave it at that.

[JTSW]

21 minutes ago, Gobhoblin said:

She definitely had some mental issues which caused her to more or less go crazy on me.

All the more reason to not get involved again.

23 minutes ago, Gobhoblin said:

the mutual friend went to my girlfriend and fed her these ridiculous thoughts that I was cheating on her.

Trying to cause trouble.

24 minutes ago, Gobhoblin said:

I even confronted the friend via email, which is the only way I could contact, her but she just ignored it.

If it was just a genuine mistake she wouldn't have ignored you.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Gobhoblin said:

Now she wants to go out and I'm frankly so busy and I don't drive that much so getting together with her is not as easy as it once was.

Sorry this happened. Whenever an ex contacts you it's for their own reasons. Just got dumped, in-between relationships, looking for attention, etc.

Closure is when the relationship ends. Leave the past in the past. 

Step back and tell her it was nice catching up, then be very busy and curtail the chitchat. There's no need to entertain her.

[Gaeta]

I've heard stories of people rekindling their relationship years later and then spend the rest of their life together. Ten years is a long time and people grow & mature, usually. 

In this case here I would jump right into the topic of what happened then. Accept it will be a make-it or break-it moment. This is when you'll see if she has gowned and matured because if she hasn't, I strongly suggest you don't rekindle this.