He Got Caught and Ended Things.

[Irishman20221]

So to all you lovely members of Loveshack I have a situation. 

I will try keep it short and sweet and straight to the point.

The relationship was going very well, until I found out he was on a dating app. - He stupidly sent me screenshot of something else but the app icon showed at the top. 

I asked him out straight what was going on? I explained that the behaviour was cause for me to end things. Now I probably wouldn't have I would discussed it with him and tried to figure out why he was on it. He then went on to say he was going to wait till after a vacation we had coming up but wanted to break up. I was sad and completely forgot about the whole him on a dating app and while I didn't beg I did ask him to give it another chance and see if we could work it out. He said how much he cared and loved me but it was for the best. I did say we could try and see if we could make it work and explained that if he really cared he wouldn't through it away. and he shut it down so I said ok, I will respect your decision and left it at that we haven't spoken since. 

So while I am devastated and sad and wish we could try again I am aware that it more than likely wont happen. 

So when running through things as you do during a break up I never really thought about the fact he went on to a dating site. Even if he was planning on breaking up he should have waited to go on it until that happened. 

So I would have said no he would never cheat but now with my head a little clearer I think it might be possible he did and I would love to get your thoughts on it. 

The first thing I noticed and this was before any of it, I got him a card for our 3rd month anniversary (Cringe I know but we where in the love bubble) and he always kept it on display until I noticed it wasn't on display anymore. I asked what happened to the card and he said he was cleaning up and put it away. 

The next was a belt... I know this will sound odd but hold on. So we went to a wedding together maybe a month ago. He wore a brown belt as did I. We had to buy 2 new brown belts as neither of us had them. So I was in his house and he asked me if this brown belt was his. I said no, it probably yours to which he put it around his waist and instantly knew it wasn't his he has a larger waist than me.  So I assumed it was his and just told him to leave it there and I would pick up up next time. 

Cut to a few days ago, when I was getting ready for work and realised Oh crap I left my belt in his house. So I decided to change my outfit and to my shock horror found my brown belt. So this means the belt he showed me was in fact not mine. Now I cant be 100% of that unless he put it in my bag without saying but I haven't worn the trousers the belt was still on in a few weeks and him picking up that belt was recent. 

Now I am again not sure if I am just reading into it all too much but I just found those things odd. We also exchanged cards for our 6th Month anniversary and he never took the card with him he left it in my house. Not really a big thing. 

• Firstly I think he breaking up after catching him on a dating site was a pre-emptive break up because he made so many plans with me for the coming weeks and If he was planning on breaking up like he said he wouldn't have made more plans. 
• He also was helping his friend and his fiancé with their seating chart - Their wedding isn't until next October. He texted me when he was helping them plan saying next time I'm out with him and his friend to make sure I get to know them as i wont know anyone else at the wedding etc for him, the bride and groom.  He didn't need to even mention this too me but did. 
• He agreed to be part of my friend groups Kris kindle. He didn't have to agree ( I wouldn't have thought any different ) to be part but he wanted to be included.
• He was also included in my mothers wedding. - He was a stand in groomsman but he didn't have to do that either. 
• I was writing cards for my nieces and nephews for birthdays etc over the last few weeks and included his name and he would say how loved and happy that made him. 
• He agreed to another vacation with my friends and him that isn't until March.

My family and friends are all shocked by his reaction and breaking up, one of my friend said to me that when we where all at a wedding 2 months ago my ex looked over at me dancing and said to my friend see him, that's my man. I thought that was the cutest thing ever.

I understand that is over I do get that, and I don't know if I will ever get answers from him. I'm currently doing No Contact so I have no intention of talking to him but I wanted to get other peoples views on it. 

Why do guys do that, why make all those plans if you are planning on leaving a person? I have had break ups before and while its never nice you kinda think afterwards ah thats why he wouldnt confirm x,y & z because he knew where this guy had plans for at least the next year scheduled in. 

Again I have no intention on getting back with him as much as I wish we could. It wouldnt work he gave up without even trying. So I dont want that kinda love. But just wanted to see what peoples views on the cheating and planning where so I can stop over thinkg everything. 

[BaileyB]

This is a whole lot of analysis for a relationship that has ended. 

Best wishes as you move forward, not backward. 

[poppyfields]

42 minutes ago, Irishman20221 said:

Why do guys do that, why make all those plans if you are planning on leaving a person?

You're a guy too, right?  Same sex relationship?  So you tell us. 

I think people, both men and women, can "go through the motions" of being in a relationship but have what's commonly referred to as a "hidden agenda" wherein they're dating others or plan to break up. 

In any event, I'm sorry, beakups suck. 

Best to go NC and take steps to move on.  Acceptance is the first step towards healing. 

 

 

Edited November 25, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

Is this a continuation from this thread?

He broke up with me as he's not ready for a relationship - Dating - LoveShack.org

OP he tricked you into a false future.

Not necessarily intentional on his part. 

I think it is a trait of an immature person, to be honest.

It hurts because of the false promises and him setting the bar too high.

He can still date others and have relationships with them without a false future.  He'd then also know that that person would be staying around for just him, not his BS claims. Trust me, if he's looking for an ego boost, knowing another man (or woman) is staying around only for him, should be it. If this is a little game to see how far he can trick others, then honestly, he can just go to therapy.

Edited November 25, 2022 by Alpacalia

[ExpatInItaly]

He wouldn't have followed through with those plans, OP. 

Or at least, only until he found his next guy on the dating app. After that, he would have ditched those plans and broken up with you. You just beat him to the punch when you caught him red-handed. 

I am not sure why your friends and family are shocked that he broke up with you when he got caught. That was actually the right thing to do, because he couldn't pretend anymore that he was Mr. Perfect for you when he was already looking for your replacement. I am also not sure why you wanted to try to work on things with a man this dishonest. You would be wise to reflect more on that than anything else. 

[glows]

I empathize with you but keep telling yourself it’s over. Finito. I broke up with someone after a planned vacation. The vacation planning was in the works for about a year and I was on the fence when I had an epiphany while traveling with him.

I definitely did not go on dating sites and have never cheated on someone or so much as looked or talked to another person while with someone else. I am sorry your ex was so bold and dishonest to do so. 

There’s a strong likelihood he didn’t think you were compatible in the long run. You’re free to date others especially being open to a new person who doesn’t go behind your back like this. 

 

[smackie9]

Get on with your life...get on a dating app, because you are free to do so...enjoy.