Being caught in the middle

[Alpacalia]

I'm planning a visit to friends and family. Some of my friends and cousins have planned an outing so we can see a show, eat, and then go ice skating. My break from school will only last a couple of weeks, so I want to get in as much seeing as possible.

Recently, my best friend and a mutual friend fell out, and the mutual friend planned a get-together for us all at her house on the same day as the outing. I said that I could do the outing first, then leave a bit early for the mutual friend's house.

My best friend was pretty upset when she heard about it. I'll be staying with her for a week while I'm there but she would like me to arrange a different time to see this other friend. The thing is I have no control over the fact that our mutual friend arranged for a get together at her house at the same time as the outing. She planned it without telling me, so it came as a surprise (sort of like a surprise thingy).

I don't see the big deal with me leaving the outing a bit early, but I also understand that I will be staying with my best friend for a week and don't want to treat her or her house like a hotel.

[basil67]

Sound like you are stuck between people who think they are entitled to your time.

Your best friend has you for a week, and unless she's got tickets to something you should be able to go and enjoy the get together your friends and cousins put together.  That said, it was quite assumptive of your best friends and cousins to put together a plan for you without first making sure you were available. 

What happened with the falling out?  Do all your friends and cousins hate your best friend?  If not, why couldn't your best friend and other organising friend be civil for the sake of it not being awkward for you? 

[Alpacalia]

Hi basil.

Thank you. I should have specified. The outing was first mentioned to me before it was arranged. My knowledge of the mutual friends' get-together came after the fact. I imagined I would spend most of the day with my best friend during the outing my cousin and friends organized. So, leaving a bit early to visit a mutual friend would be fine.

The fallout between my best friend and this mutual friend is mostly word of mouth. I seem to be hearing one thing from my best friend and another from a mutual friend. I tried not to take sides, preferring to stay out of the fray. She claimed that my best friend tried to come on to her, which I don't believe in the slightest. I've known her (my best friend) for 20 something years and she's been with the same man and has never acted inappropriately towards me nor has she ever been romantically involved with women.

Oh, my cousins and friends are all really close to my best friend. It's always been fun doing things together as a group, but she also has friendships with them one-on-one.

[basil67]

Ah, what a mess.  And I feel so bad for your best friend.  And you.   

Given that everyone likes your best friend except for the offended one, I'd be inclined to reach out to the other friends and have them support you to include your BFF.   Though if tix have already been bought for a show, that's not going to work. 

I'm sorry, I know that this isn't the advice you were looking for and I totally understand you not wanting to get involved, but like it or not, it appears you are involved now.  Sometimes we have to defend our friends.

 

[JTSW]

At the end of the day their falling out is their problem.

You need to tell them both they need to sort out their differences and not put you in the middle.

It's unfair on you.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

 I will be staying with my best friend for a week and don't want to treat her or her house like a hotel.

This is the important thing. If you are going to accept her hospitality, you may have to make some compromises. Alternatively you could stay with other friends or a BNB.

[Alpacalia]

Thanks.

@basil67

That falling out was some time ago. 

I said (to the mutual friend) when it initially happened that I did not believe the claim she made about my bestie and that surely, she must be mistaken. The mutual friend is my realtor and someone I've known for almost as long I am just not as close with her as I am with my bestie.

40 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is the important thing. If you are going to accept her hospitality, you may have to make some compromises.

This is also closer to what I think.

I felt leaving the outing a bit early might be the wrong thing to do, but I wasn't 100 percent sure. Particularly since I am staying at her home.

It's a bit different because this is someone she fell out with. This may not be a time she would care about under other circumstances. I appreciate that this other friend is planning a night for me during my visit. I already committed to the outing that was organized as a welcome home break for me by my cousins and friends that my best friend will be at.

The mutual friend will just have to accept the best friend takes a front seat.