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He Keeps Messaging these so called girl mates

KarenT

By KarenT,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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KarenT

KarenT

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Hi

i have been with my bf for 3 and a half years and I am not sure where to turn. He has two so called girl mates but one I think he has had a sexual relationship before me. Anyways, I have been abit intrigued with this so called friendship as firstly he mentioned her a lot (Denise) but when I asked if we could meet he went defensive and said she is my mate not yours and raised his temper so was thinking he has something to hide. Time went on but could see messages appearing from her on his phone but did look into them. This year I did look at his phone and felt awful to start with, but he messages this girl most days of the week with kisses with darling also emoji kisses. Always when he suggests meeting up with her he says he can’t wait to like grab her boobs. Had a huge bust up in July as he went in a 24 hour run and found out she was sleeping in the same tent as him and it was just him and her. Now the other so called girl (Louise) mate I have messaged her and she says it is just banter as he has sent a dick pic and also have seen on his iPad pics he takes of his dick only thinking one of them is going to her. I know I shouldn’t have looked at phone but I would  have been so oblivious to this and I just feel very distraught. I just feel very hurt.

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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Sounds like you've been cheated on TBH. Sorry to hear this.

If he won't change his behavior, you'll probably need to put your foot down and end the relationship.

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stillafool

stillafool

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You need to confront him about what you found on his phone.  Also you've been dealiing with this issue with him since July by reading your past history.  When are you going to dump this cheater.  He doesn't respect you.

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poppyfields

poppyfields

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17 minutes ago, KarenT said:

Hi

i have been with my bf for 3 and a half years and I am not sure where to turn. He has two so called girl mates but one I think he has had a sexual relationship before me. Anyways, I have been abit intrigued with this so called friendship as firstly he mentioned her a lot (Denise) but when I asked if we could meet he went defensive and said she is my mate not yours and raised his temper so was thinking he has something to hide. Time went on but could see messages appearing from her on his phone but did look into them. This year I did look at his phone and felt awful to start with, but he messages this girl most days of the week with kisses with darling also emoji kisses. Always when he suggests meeting up with her he says he can’t wait to like grab her boobs. Had a huge bust up in July as he went in a 24 hour run and found out she was sleeping in the same tent as him and it was just him and her. Now the other so called girl (Louise) mate I have messaged her and she says it is just banter as he has sent a dick pic and also have seen on his iPad pics he takes of his dick only thinking one of them is going to her. I know I shouldn’t have looked at phone but I would  have been so oblivious to this and I just feel very distraught. I just feel very hurt.

Is there a question?  Reason I ask is it's more than obvious you need to dump this "person," so the question IS, why haven't you? 

I mean I'm really shaking my head, his behaviors are automatic deakbeakers. 

Disrespectful, arrogant and cruel. 

If me, I would have dumped after he went defensive and said "she is my mate not yours" and raised his temper when you suggested a meet. 

This is just flat out unacceptable and is a clear indication there is something untoward happening (cheating), and YOUR cue to leave the relationship.

Which I advise you to do no matter how much you think you "love" him or how intoxicating the chemistry. 

He doesn't respect to you, sounds like he doesn't even like you, I'm sorry. 

May I ask what keeps you there?  

 

 

 

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KarenT

KarenT

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48 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Sounds like you've been cheated on TBH. Sorry to hear this.

If he won't change his behavior, you'll probably need to put your foot down and end the relationship.

I think he lusts after her but I am trying to get my strength and leave him now.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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5 minutes ago, KarenT said:

I think he lusts after her but I am trying to get my strength and leave him now.

Sorry this happened. Do you live together? Start with going to your physician for STD testing. These are not "friends". It's sad but it's better to cut your losses before he does more damage to you.

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glows

glows

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It’s not clear if you’re living together. If you aren’t, my goodness, dump this guy tonight. How many more instances are needed to show you how much he disrespects you? 

If you are living together, please figure out the living situation and find an alternative. Work a second or third job if you need to support yourself. Lean on friends and family. Think smart and long term. Take care of not just your physical health but your mental and emotional health. Do get checked for STDs and don’t have sex with him again.

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JTSW

JTSW

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That's not banter. That's 100% cheating.

Kick him to the curb.

Be strong girl, you got this.

You deserve soooo much better.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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On 11/29/2022 at 5:18 PM, KarenT said:

I know am gradually letting him go

Do you live together? Is there a reason you need to back away slowly?

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Stret

Stret

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Sleeping alone in a tent with another woman while in a relationship is a betrayal of intimacy in itself. Let alone if something had happened - if it had in the past, it is likely that it happened again under such circumstances. 

Completely inappropriate messaging, going beyond any boundary, completely tasteless and disrespectful to you... Freaking out after you suggested to meet with his "friend" is an indication enough. I usually introduce my bf to my friends with pleasure and without being prompted - it is natural to want to share your life. He seems to be hiding something.

He is acting like a man-child going through his rebellion and puberty. He is not a grown man and probably never will be. I know it is hard to leave after 3 years. But every day you spend with him could be a day you spend free - free from having to figure out his relationships with these women and wasting your mental energy on that, free to find your peace, free to date others and some day find your love. 

Don't betray yourself and your needs. 

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