Hurt1234 Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 I'll try to make this short but there is alot of info here. He and I had been together for 2 years. In those 2 years he left me 6 times due to arguements and both of us not being able to communicate properly. We were apart, I found out I was pregnant. He was barely there for me but always answered when I called. Arguements happened again and he said he wanted nothing to do with the abortion. I did what I had to do alone and went 17 months no Contact. I got a random msg from someone asking for his info as his mom was in an accident. I forwarded him this msg breaking no Contact and said I hope his mom is ok. We started talking and dating again. It's been 3 weeks. He says he has a million I'm sorries for what happened in the past. He wanted to reach out everyday but was afraid I was mad and would reject him. We have fallen back into old patterns of being in eachothers company and things are great...so far. I love him to pieces and know he loves me but how do I get over the hurt and pain that he once left me to deal with a pregnancy on my own? He keeps saying we have to move past all that to move on but I can't. I kind of want him to feel the pain I went through for 17 months without him. Make him regret leaving me all those times. And to make matters worse, I reached out to him after 17 months, he didn't come back to me. I was never "chased" let's say...I feel as if I need to let him go but I want to do it in a way that makes him regret hurting me. Maybe chase me for the first time in years since it was always me coming back. What do I say to him, how do I end it so he feels regret? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: I got a random msg from someone asking for his info as his mom was in an accident. I forwarded him this msg breaking no Contact and said I hope his mom is ok. Why would someone message you about info on his mom when you've been broken up for a 1-1/2 years instead of contacting him? That's very odd and I think I would have told them to contact him. No you shouldn't get back together because you guys have a pattern of constantly breaking up. Now you want to get back with him but you want him to chase you instead of forgiving him and moving on with your lives. No you don't need to be together because as you can see nothing has really changed. Edited November 30, 2022 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Hurt1234 said: ...I feel as if I need to let him go but I want to do it in a way that makes him regret hurting me. Maybe chase me for the first time in years since it was always me coming back. What do I say to him, how do I end it so he feels regret? No, don’t do this as it keeps you trapped in resentment. Wanting someone to hurt as much as you have means hanging onto that pain regardless of whether it continues to keep hurting you. It’s not healthy. You want him to want you and he’s shown you he wants to be with you. Just decide whether you can move forwards together as a couple. If he’s not putting in enough effort talk about ways you can both bond and repair the relationship. It may not be repairable and you may not feel good about dating him anyway. Don’t continue this if you’re plagued by misgivings and resentment towards him. I get the sense that your self-confidence is low and you’re still hurt about the abortion. I am very sorry you went through that alone. Instead of going down this path, try grief counselling or see someone about the pain and grief losing what was once a part of you and the pregnancy. Edited November 30, 2022 by glows 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 3 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: I kind of want him to feel the pain I went through for 17 months without him. Make him regret leaving me all those times. I reached out to him after 17 months, he didn't come back to me..I feel as if I need to let him go but I want to do it in a way that makes him regret hurting me. Revenge won't make you feel better. Move forward and do not contact him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted November 30, 2022 Author Share Posted November 30, 2022 45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Revenge won't make you feel better. Move forward and do not contact him. What do I say to let him go? I'm curious to know if he will chase... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted November 30, 2022 Author Share Posted November 30, 2022 2 hours ago, glows said: No, don’t do this as it keeps you trapped in resentment. Wanting someone to hurt as much as you have means hanging onto that pain regardless of whether it continues to keep hurting you. It’s not healthy. You want him to want you and he’s shown you he wants to be with you. Just decide whether you can move forwards together as a couple. If he’s not putting in enough effort talk about ways you can both bond and repair the relationship. It may not be repairable and you may not feel good about dating him anyway. Don’t continue this if you’re plagued by misgivings and resentment towards him. I get the sense that your self-confidence is low and you’re still hurt about the abortion. I am very sorry you went through that alone. Instead of going down this path, try grief counselling or see someone about the pain and grief losing what was once a part of you and the pregnancy. Thank you, I want to move past it but I look into his eyes that tell me he loves me and remember the times he said he stopped loving me and left Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 8 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: What do I say to let him go? I'm curious to know if he will chase... "I don't want to see you anymore so I'm breaking up with you". It's that simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 13 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: Thank you, I want to move past it but I look into his eyes that tell me he loves me and remember the times he said he stopped loving me and left The problem is you feeling insecure that he treated you poorly the first time around. Why not communicate better with him and share what you need as opposed to breaking up with someone just to see him chase? That’s incredibly toxic and unkind, coming from a place of insecurity. I suggest communicating better. If it’s about spending more time going on dates, trying new things together and activities, focus on those. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stret Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 1. The best revenge is living well. 2. I know the feeling of wanting someone to regret their former actions and hurt they caused you - but don't do it. It will not make you feel better even though you think it will. If you want to cause him harm and do yourself a favour - leave him politely and nicely. Say that you cannot get over the things he did, that you needed a friend and he wasn't there, and you think both of you would be better off finding new people instead of being trapped in the same old routines. This will make him see and feel everything that you want him to see and feel because you will not engage in any game playing. You will be honest. And losing an honest and loving person is more than losing a crazy revengeful ex who uses words and actions to hurt and play tit for tat games. Years from now, or even sooner, he will be glad he got out of the relationship with a person like that. But if you calmly explain to him that it is over and honestly tell him why, he will remember that. Cry if you feel like it but don't create drama or engage in one if he starts it. Say you're grown over the drama and don't want to engage. So in summary - honesty is the best policy in general and here in particular to help you get the effect that you want and at the same time, give you your dignity. Avoid game playing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 9 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: What do I say to let him go? I'm curious to know if he will chase... Don't fall into manipulative behaviour - it's not a good look. Just tell him that you can't get over all the times he dumped you and don't want to see him anymore 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 "Hi there. I need to clear my chest. While I am truly grateful for our time together and some of the experiences we've had, there is just too much to water under the bridge. Too many hurts and scars that I know won't ever go away. I won't ever be able to trust like I want and need in a healthy relationship. And so, I need to move on. I am glad we've been able to spend this time together recently but it needs to end. Our story is complete. I wish you the best" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 10 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: What do I say to let him go? I'm curious to know if he will chase... Why would you want this person to chase you? It might make you feel good for a few minutes, but that's it. It won't undo the past nor fix the damage he caused. When you wish someone would chase you, you are in a dysfunctional situation. Healthy, viable relationships don't leave you feeling this way. This is going to end in heartache for you all over again, and no way would I entertain the notion of having this man in my life. You need to work on your self-worth so you have better boundaries for yourself. You cannot and should not trust him with your heart ever again. 14 hours ago, stillafool said: Why would someone message you about info on his mom when you've been broken up for a 1-1/2 years instead of contacting him? I also find that very strange. Who was this person, and why did they contact you when you've been broken up so long? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 15 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: I forwarded him this msg breaking no Contact and said I hope his mom is ok. There's no reason to contact him. You could set yourself free and move forward in peace if you delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. That way you're not tempted to find excuses to run after him again and again with the same sad and hurtful results. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Make sure you have reliable contraception if and when you're ready to date again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 16 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: I love him to pieces and know he loves me This is definitely not what love looks like, OP. You very much need to get away from him and reassess how you define "love." This ain't it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 13 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: What do I say to let him go? I'm curious to know if he will chase... Making him regret past actions is not going to change anything. It wont stop you feeling that pain and resentment. I'm assuming you are both young and he proved he is flighty and not ready for a relationship so he will never chase you. You just need to tell him straight that you cannot be with him and you cannot see each other anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted December 1, 2022 Author Share Posted December 1, 2022 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why would you want this person to chase you? It might make you feel good for a few minutes, but that's it. It won't undo the past nor fix the damage he caused. When you wish someone would chase you, you are in a dysfunctional situation. Healthy, viable relationships don't leave you feeling this way. This is going to end in heartache for you all over again, and no way would I entertain the notion of having this man in my life. You need to work on your self-worth so you have better boundaries for yourself. You cannot and should not trust him with your heart ever again. I also find that very strange. Who was this person, and why did they contact you when you've been broken up so long? As it turned out someone was going through his Instagram followers and reached out to a few people who knew him asking for info about him Link to post Share on other sites
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